Page 26 of Obsession of the Egoist
“I’ll do what I want!” The mask of dispassion fell from Yugo’s face, and Rick took a warning step forward. The sudden change of dynamic left him glancing between the men. He wanted to interfere, but couldn’t decide if it was his place to step in. After all, he didn’t know anything about Kuon’s past and nothing about Yugo. Kuon hadn’t told him about his family, the scars covering his body, or his nightmares. The friend zone he hung in anchored him to the spot and left him with the bitter taste of impotence.
“So you have no emotions for me? Then who the fuck just yelled, ‘I hate you’? I believe you still have feelings to spare. Bad or good—I’ll take them all. I wanted to leave you alone. I swear, Kuon, I did. I’ve been watching you for a while, hoping to see that you’re happy, but you are not. You aren’t happy with me, you aren’t happy without me, so why the fuck should I leave you alone? You have nothing to give me? Fine. I have many things I want to give you. I came for you, and you will be mine again, whether you like it or not.”
“What will you do, force me again? Go ahead. After all, you always take what you want…” Kuon dropped his chin and shook his head.
“Would it make things easier for you?” The calm, mundane tone Yugo used to pose his question chilled Rick’s blood. “I will if that’s what you need.”
“You haven’t changed at all,” Kuon smirked; the corners of his mouth dropped. “Goodbye, Yugo. I hope I never see you again.”
Kuon’s words kicked Rick out of his confusion. He stepped forward, putting himself as a barrier between the two men. “Haven’t you heard? Get lost.”
“You don’t believe me?” Yugo lit up a cigarette, ignoring Rick. “You will, Kuon. As you said, I always get what I want, no matter the cost. And don’t forget what I told you. I will be the only man who ever touches you. If you know what’s good for you and the people around you, don’t ever forget it.”
STRUCK WITH THE LIGHTNINGof Yugo’s words, Kuon stood in the middle of his darkness, listening to the distancing footsteps. Despite Yugo’s selfish words, for the first time in two years, he felt warmth streaming through his veins.
He hasn’t changed one bit.He thought, as happiness that Yugo still remembered him warmed his insides.And I am an idiot.Why the fuck does it make me happy?
“Kuon, who the hell is he?” Rick’s words brushed against his cheek as huge palms landed on his shoulder.
Kuon lowered his head, trying to hide his expression. He didn’t know what to say, so he just shook his head but the smile refused to leave his lips. “No one…”
“Kuon…” Confusion and pain twisted the sound of his name, as Rick urged him out of the park; at least that was what Kuon assumed.
CHAPTER 7
THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE GREETED THEMwith a cool blow of the air conditioner, faint medical smells, and resonant sound of their tennis shoes hitting the stone floor. Two padded chairs stood in front of the wide wooden desk. Grabbing the backrest of the nearest one, Rick tugged it closer and put Kuon’s palm on top of it.
“Okay?” he asked. Kuon nodded, and Rick slumped on the next seat. Relaxing at first, he straightened up as his eyes met the mocking glance of gray eyes. Angry words rushed out of his lungs before he managed to stop them. “What the hell is he doing here, Doc? Kick him out!”
Lounging on the wide windowsill with one leg crossed over the other, Yugo stretched his thin lips in an arrogant smile as if he knew that the doctor would reject Rick’s demand. His coal-black suit blended with his shirt so well that it was hard to say if they were separate. The toe of his shoe drew circles in the air as he cocked his head to the side, triumph sparked in his cold eyes.
“Yugo?”
Rick’s cheek flinched when he heard something similar to hope tremble in Kuon’s voice. Leaning forward with his whole body, the younger man searched the air with his nose, as if trying to catch a familiar scent. The bandaged head moved left, then right, and a deep vertical line cut his forehead.
“I always get what I want, remember?” Shifting his attention from Rick to Kuon, Yugo looked him up and down with an air of confidence of an owner. The corners of his mouth curled up, softening his expression.
Rick crossed his arms over his chest. The oily glances the man caressed Kuon with, made his blood boil, and he had to subdue the urge to smash Yugo’s arrogant face against the windowsill. Wanting to spit out the bitter taste of powerlessness, Rick glanced at Kuon. The straight line of Kuon’s back betrayed his tension. At that moment, Rick would have given anything to know what bothered him. For more than a year, he’d tried to get close to Kuon only to realize that he’d never managed to make even a tiny breach in his defenses. Kuon never talked about his life, never shared his feelings. Despite the dozens of questions Rick threw at him the other day, Kuon never replied. Hiding behind tight-lipped smiles, the younger man dodged every one with the same line, ‘I don’t want to talk about it. It’s in the past.’
The doctor cleared his throat, drawing attention and breaking the heavy atmosphere. His face picked up a thoughtful expression.
“Herr Santell is here because he found a donor. Of course, if his presence bothers you, Herr Leiris, he will leave right away.” Rick’s attention rushed back to his friend; he wanted Kuon to object to Yugo’s presence, but a light headshake destroyed his hopes.
“A d-donor?” Kuon stuttered; his neurotic fingers grabbed the hem of his tightkhaki t-shirt. “I thought that it’s too early for the surgery.”
“Yes, indeed. We still have to wait for at least five months before we could proceed with the surgery, but it’s always great to secure a donor at such an early stage. It’s a brain dead patient, and the family agreed to sign the release. The first results came back positive. You have good compatibility with this donor, and the chances for the corneas to assimilate are solid. The donor will remain in the clinic until the date of the transplantation.
“Meanwhile, I’d like to run more tests and start the scar treatment therapy. Now, let’s proceed with the check-up,” the doctor finished in a warm, compassionate tone and with an open smile. His knotty fingers picked up an ivory ink pen then scribbled something on paper with wide, loopy handwriting. Putting the pen down, he entwined his fingers in front of himself and looked up, as if waiting for something. The plastic door at the other side of the office swished open, and a young, heavily built nurse, dressed in a blue uniform, entered. She threw a fleeting smile at the men before approaching Kuon. Her hand landed on his forearm, then sneaked under it.
“I’m nurse Schmidt; I’m going to check your vitals, okay? Follow me, please.” Her melodic contralto sounded guttural as if it came from the depths of her chest. Kuon got up, wiped his palm against his t-shirt, before making a timid step after her. “Come, come.”
Rick didn’t blink, watching her lead Kuon to the three-section medical examination table. Adjusting the height, she helped Kuon hop on before reaching up to his eyes.
YUGO’S BREATH CAUGHTas he watched the nurse manipulate Kuon’s bandages. Layer by layer, unwrapping, it revealed brownish, uneven skin. His lips pressed together, as his eyes fixed, unable to look away from the ugly burns covering Kuon’s eyelids, short lashes, and eyebrows that hadn’t fully grown back.
“Please, lie down and open your eyes for me. I’ll give you some numbing drops, and then I will take your eye pressure. This time we can’t use the ‘air puff’ test as it’s not as accurate.”
Kuon tensed. His shoulders dropped as he bit his lower lip, leaned back, and opened his eyes.
