Page 21 of Obsession of the Egoist
“Sorry…” Kuon’s weak reply drowned in the buzzing of the road. On his way to Vienna, he intended to ask for Rick’s help. To freeload at his place for a couple of weeks until he found a small apartment to live in, but now Gray’s words haunted him. A burden, a liability. He finally understood what Gray meant. Within those long seven months, constantly lonely, Kuon had never been alone. The nurses, the guards, then Gray and doctors, rehab workers. He never needed to cook, wash his clothes, or go grocery shopping. Everything had been delivered to his suite, ready to use. Suffocating in his shrunken, limited world, he never noticed those small things other people did for him. Now he faced the truth—he couldn’t even use the bathroom on the plane without help. “It’s nothing. I don’t want to bother you. If you could just drop me to the nearest hotel, that would be…”
“You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, but I won’t leave you alone in a hotel. You’ll stay at my place. It’s big enough for two, and I have an extra bedroom no one ever used. It’s not debatable.”
“Idon’t’ think it’s a good idea...” Kuon sighed.
“Let me decide on that, okay?”
Kuon smirked, shaking his head. Rick had always been stubborn. Maybe that’s why they eventually grew close. “Fine, but we are splitting the rent and bills.”
HAPPINESS EXPANDED IN RICK’S CHEST,depriving him of oxygen. He couldn’t remember being this happy in a long time. Even now, looking at the white bandages covering Kuon’s eyes, new hope bloomed in his soul.
“Come on in,” he breathed, leading Kuon by the hand into the vast apartment. He’d grown used to this place over the last few months and now was delighted that they would both call it home.
“Wanna know what our home looks like?” he said, nudging Kuon with his elbow. “Shall I be your guide?”
Kuon smiled, and Rick gave himself a mental high five.
“Then let me begin.” He slid his thumb over Kuon’s prominent knuckles. Giddy from touching Kuon’s hand, he wondered how it would feel to tug him closer and merge their lips together. Swallowing the powerful impulse, he sidestepped and pressed Kuon’s palm against the wall. “The walls are plain ivory, but the floor is polished walnut—so dark, it’s almost black, except for the reddish hue.”
Rick wanted to add ‘just like your eyes,’ but didn’t. Kuon made a small step forward, and Rick’s heart leaped to his throat. The faint smell of shower gel washed over him, messing with his mind. All his being screamed for him to lean closer and claim Kuon’s lips with his. To stop the loss of control, he diverted his eyes.
“If you make five steps along this wall, you’ll find a small padded stool. Wanna try finding it?”
“Sure...?” Kuon’s voice lacked confidence, but his smile didn’t vanish.
The feeling of loss hit Rick the same instant he released Kuon’s hand. Stepping back, he froze, watching the younger man take a few uncertain steps. Kuon’s knee hit the padded seat. He halted, then bent forward. His black shirt slipping up, revealed a stripe of skin on his lower back as Kuon explored the soft surface with both hands.
“What color is it?”
“Coffee…” Rick croaked and shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “If you go further, there is a sliding-door closet. Follow it, and in six steps you will end up in the living area.”
Straightening up, Kuon slapped the mirrored door with his palm, leaving a few barely visible handprints behind. When he reached the end of the closet, Rick approached. Wrapping his fingers around Kuon’s forearm, he waited for Kuon to get used to his touch.
“I moved the furniture to the walls, so it’s easier for you to navigate and you don’t bump into things. Except for the sofa, that’s in the middle of the room, in front of the TV.” Rick swallowed, unable to tear his gaze away from Kuon’s chapped lips. Now, when Kuon couldn’t see his face, there was no reason to seal his feelings behind friendly smiles and concealed glances. Kuon had already rejected him many months ago, but that didn’t ruin their friendship, nor his hope that one day they’d become something more to each other.
“Rick, listen…” Kuon’s low, barely audible voice broke the brief pause. “Are you sure this is a good idea? You know, you don’t have to feel bad or obligated. I don’t want to be a burden. I can manage.”
Kuon dropped his chin and scratched his temple in a childish gesture.
I’m so fucked…Unable to control himself, Rick leaned forward but froze; his mouth an inch away from the side of Kuon’s face. Kuon moved, and his warm breath brushed against Rick’s lips. Squeezing his eyes, Rick steeled himself. His heart drummed so loud, he was sure Kuon heard it too.
“Just rely on me a little, would you?” he whispered, and Kuon tensed.
“Rick, you’re too close.” A heavy sigh, brushing against Rick’s lips, worked like a slap. Dropping his hands, he pulled back. He knew what Kuon wanted to say. There would be an abrupt speech filled with stretched vowels, unfinished lines, and long pauses, then awkward silence and avoidance. They had been there before.
“Sorry.” His voice—too low, too muffled—sounded unfamiliar to his own ears. “I didn’t think.”
“I…”
“I’m hungry. How about some steaks?” Rick prompted to change the subject. A weird expression crossed Kuon’s face, but he nodded, and the tense line of his powerful shoulders relaxed.
If this continues, I’ll have a heart attack before I’m thirty.Letting out a sigh, Rick pressed his palm to his aching chest where his heart slammed against his ribs.
CHAPTER 5
ONE WEEK LATER
THE SUN WARMEDKuon’s cheek and the plastic under his hand as he sat in the hospital waiting room. The bustling noise suffused the air, filled with the ringing laughter of romping children. His ass numbed from the long wait and the hard, uncomfortable plastic seat. The same numbness crept into his mind, diluted with the shreds of unintelligible child babbling and boring political talks of grownups.
