Page 53 of Obsession of the Egoist
“So, you will sedate him…” Yugo frowned, “…and send him home groggy?”
“No, we will provide him with a room for a couple of hours to come around. Usually, it’s more than enough. As I said, everything is under control.”
The thought of Kuon, weak with drugs, going home with Rick painted his vision red. Before his imagination ran wild, he prompted, “If he has to return tomorrow, can’t he stay overnight?”
“I assure you, there is no need for this. He won’t require any medical assistance until tomorrow.”
“Still, I’d like him to stay. Please, arrange a room.”
“As you wish, Herr Santell.” The doctor spread his arms, as if running out of arguments.
“How soon will his vision return?”
“It can take up to two weeks before the fog is gone. The sharpness and the quality won’t be good for several months at least and will keep jumping before finally stabilizing. In a year, maybe a year and a half, we will talk about the additional LASIC correction if necessary. For now, he should rest and avoid doing anything reckless. No heavy lifting, no strenuous exercise, nothing that will apply pressure to his head and neck.”
“Can he have sex?” Yugo asked, and the corners of the doctor’s mouth twitched.
“Yes, he can. But, as I said, nothing that would put his neck in an uncomfortable, strained position. Corneas don’t have any blood vessels, so engraftment will take time. Any pressure in the eye can stretch the corneas or stitches and slow down the healing process. We have already taken an additional risk by treating both eyes at the same time. We have to be extremely careful.” The doctor stood up and threw a glance at the clock above the door. “Now excuse me, Herr Santell. I have to get ready.”
THE QUIET TICKING OF THE CLOCKdrummed in Yugo’s head, making him anxious. Rick sat a few seats away with his elbows propped against his knees and his face buried in his palms. Choosing the seat nearest to the operating room, he behaved like an animal trying to establish its territory. Yugo didn’t care, but he hated waiting. His restless fingers trifled with unlit cigarettes, disemboweling sweet-smelling tobacco to the floor. When the pack was almost exhausted, and the tiles around his feet were strewn with ground tobacco, the door to the operating room opened, and the doctor stepped out.
Yugo rushed to his feet, so did Rick.
“Now-now… What’s with the long faces? He is fine, just resting,” the doctor said, smiling at the men. “Everything went well.”
“Thanks, Doc!” Face wreathed in a smile, Rick grabbed the doctor’s hand and gave it a passionate shake.
Idiot. Of course, it went well. Klor is the best in the country.Yugo thought, giving Rick a hard stare. He was in that state of mind and spirit where every little thing irritated, and now the happy face of Kuon’s guardian dog stirred his hatred.
“He will be available for visiting tomorrow.” Having no intention of leaving, Yugo frowned and shoved his hands into his pants pockets. The doctor, as if reading his mind, placed his palm on his shoulder and guided him toward the elevator. “Tomorrow, Herr Santell.”
When outside, Yugo lit up a smoke and leaned against the wall. Rick didn’t stop, didn’t look back, as if Yugo didn’t exist. Giving the wide back a long stare, Yugo lifted his gaze to the dark, cloudy sky. Ever since he’d left the woman’s flat, he couldn’t stop thinking about Kuon, the little girl, and her stupid doodles. On her pictures, Kuon was laughing. In the park, playing with the woman and her daughter, Kuon had been laughing too.Always.
Clouds rushed over the sky, chased away by the strong wind. Following west, they darkened and thickened, throwing the world into stuffy, pre-thunderstorm heat.
Watching the sullen sky, Yugo realized that there were only a couple of times when Kuon laughed with him and very few times when Kuon gave him a genuine smile. More than ever, he wanted to hear Kuon laugh now. He tried to recall the sound but failed. Instead, another memory flooded his head: Kuon’s white eyes, surrounded by the damaged skin, peering through his soul. The accusing words echoed in his ears,‘Why did you find me after all this time? Why can’t you just leave me alone?’
Bitterness filled his mouth. Cringing, Yugo flicked the unfinished cigarette away. The atmosphere, condensing, lay heavy on his shoulders, as the last shreds of the pink and golden sunset disappeared behind the boiling sky. Asphyxiating, Yugo loosened his black tie, undid the top button of his shirt, but that didn’t alleviate the crushing pressure that compressed his chest. The first drop hit his face, then another landed on the back of his palm.
The wish to see Kuon overwhelmed, instilling the weird idea that if he didn’t do it right away, he would suffocate. Spinning on his heel, he entered the hospital and nearly bumped into the departing doctor. Dressed in an old t-shirt and ripped jeans, Klor slowed his steps, frowning.
“It’s getting late, Herr Santell. He is asleep. Didn’t you want him to stay overnight? To make him comfortable, we gave him mild sedatives. I don’t recommend taking him home today. Wait until tomorrow.”
“I can’t, Doc. I have to see him now,” Yugo said, strolling to the elevator.
Approaching Kuon’s room, he slapped the security guy’s shoulder. “You can take a break for an hour. If I need you, I’ll call.”
BLUE FLASHED BEHIND THE WINDOW.Breaking into the room through the vertical blinds, it illuminated the floor, linens, and Kuon’s ashen face. Sitting on the bed by Kuon’s side, Yugo listened to his soft, rhythmic breathing, whispers of the night, and the beeping of the heart monitor.
The longer he watched Kuon sleep, the louder the annoying tiny voice of the girl rung in his head.‘When he can see again, he will look at it and be happy. And we will go to the aquarium, and look at all the fish there. Even sharks.’
“Happy, huh?” Yugo breathed. “Do you need kids and fish for this?”
A bright flash broke the bustling murkiness, followed by a peal of thunder. Heavy rain bombarded the window as if asking to let it into the room. The suffocating feeling exacerbated as another flash washed Kuon’s face in neon blue, giving it a ghostly impression. Reaching out, Yugo touched Kuon’s cold cheek just to make sure he was real and the image wouldn’t melt in front of his eyes.
Letting you go was a mistake.Darkness, seeping from the outside, soaked his being.As soon as I did, annoying flies swirled around you. And you… you let them. You gave them hope when you already belong to me, or did you forget? You did, didn’t you? Almost two years, huh? I guess your memory is only that long. You’ve never missed me. You never called for me. The only expressions you show me are annoyance and anger. But you smile at that woman. And tomorrow you will return to another man’s house. Nothing changes, huh. Just like before, you try to slip out of my grasp.Jealousy, syringing into his blood, erased his humanity. The wish to clasp his hands around Kuon’s neck and squeeze as hard as he could poisoned him.You forgot that your life is in my hands.I granted your freedom, but I can take it back.Hand, skidding down the side of Kuon’s cheek, closed around his neck. Fingers, sinking into the flesh, found the tight vein. Yugo tilted his head, listening with his fingertips for the beat that matched the tiny beeping of the heart monitor.
I shouldn’t have given you a choice. I should have killed that Rick to set an example. I should have gotten rid of that woman and the kid, so you would never look at anyone else ever again. I should have forced you back to me. What’s happiness, anyway? The freedom to make stupid decisions? To go to Afghanistan and get mutilated there? Or run away from your fears and cover it with noble reasons? If so, then happiness is overrated.The thunder boomed in the distance.I should break you this time. Make you crave my touch, my presence. Instill the fear of loneliness in your mind. Make you mine, whatever the cost, even if you hate me. Robbed of options, you will eventually settle like you did before. You will look at me again. Free or chained, you will be mine. Mine alone.
