Page 40 of Obsession of the Egoist
“I want you to drive.”
“Are you insane?” Kuon laughed. “I’m blind.”
“It’s an empty road. We have been here for twenty minutes, and no cars have passed.” Yugo took a step toward Kuon, getting drunk on the idea. Adrenaline, fear, and excitement could shake Kuon out of this miserable state; he was sure about it.
Short neurotic laughter broke out from Kuon’s mouth as he recoiled. Yugo licked his lips, wanting to taste his uncertain, but genuine smile.
“Come on, trust me. You can do that. I’ve got you.”
“N-no… We can hurt someone.” Kuon shook his head. “Or we’ll crash. It's a stupid idea.”
“Chicken,” Yugo laughed. “Then I’ll tie my eyes, and the GPS will direct me. Hop in.”
“What?” Kuon yelled, and Yugo laughed.
“I’m curious how you feel things. I’m going to try driving blindfolded.”
“No.”
“Fine. You can stay here and wait for me to return and pick you up, that is, if I don’t crash, of course. Or you can go with me.”
“There is no way you leave me in the middle of nowhere. Please, don’t do this. Yugo, it’s dangerous.”
Kuon’s serious voice let Yugo know that he’d already won. “Then you drive.”
“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!”Kuon gripped the wheel, regretting the decision with every fiber of his soul. “We will so crash. I’m not paying for the repair, just for the record.”
“You’re doing fine,” Yugo chuckled, and Kuon knew that the man enjoyed his agitated state. “Take a twenty-degree left turn in ten feet.”
“Shit…” Kuon switched the gear to first, released the clutch, then slowly turned the wheel. His heart drumming, palms wet. Sweat trickled down his nape, but he didn’t dare to tear his hands away from the wheel to wipe it.
“Nice!” Excitement and pride filled Yugo’s voice, making Kuon feel drunk; the control, yet the complete lack of control, spiked his senses. “The road is clear. There are fifteen hundred feet of asphalt, speed up.”
“No.”
“Speed up, Kuon.” The threat made its way into Yugo’s voice. His hot palm landed on top of Kuon’s, ready to switch the gear.
“No.”
“I know you want to. Do it.” Yugo’s voice, wrapping around him, erased his common sense. Yugo’s trust exhilarated him.
Kuon licked his lips with his dry tongue; currents of sweat streamed down his spine under the hoodie. His heart going insane as he pressed the gas pedal. “I will so regret it.”
“You won’t,” Yugo chuckled. Guiding his hand, he switched to second, then third gear. “I’ve got you.”
Kuon’s dry tongue scratched the roof of his mouth. Adrenaline flowed in his veins, and Yugo’s hand, covering his, did something to his head. He felt intoxicated with his heightened emotions. His fears evaporated, only the blissful feeling of freedom and the wind kissing his face remained. No fears, no doubt, no loneliness, just Yugo’s voice guiding him through the darkness. He pressed the gas pedal harder.
KUON’S TRUST MESSED WITH YUGO’Sself-control. The way Kuon followed his voice, the way he caught his every word, made Yugo feel giddy, drunk, high. Yugo wasn’t sure where to look—the empty road or Kuon’s teeth that nibbled at his bottom lip. The veins popped at the top of his neck drew Yugo’s attention.
“Yugo?” Kuon’s nervous voice called for him after a minute of silence, seeking reassurance.
I’m so fucked.Yugo closed his eyes. After all this time, he finally realized that deep inside, Kuon trusted him. Every time Yugo visited Kuon, he looked for signs of rejection, but they had always been contradictive. If Kuon hated his presence, he could have fought him, tried to kick him out of his apartment. Kuon never did. His half-assed opposition only fired up Yugo’s desire. Just like that time when they had been intimate. Yugo had questioned if it was fear or Kuon’s stubborn way to let him into his life again. But he didn’t have answers, not until now.
He leaned closer, wanting to kiss the glistening side of Kuon’s face when something yellow flickered at the corner of his vision. Roaming through the oat, the tractor jumped out of the field and onto the road.
Grabbing the wheel, Yugo yelled, “KUON, WATCH OUT!”
BEEP BEEP!KUON FLINCHEDas adrenaline lit him up. Yugo grabbed the wheel and pulled left, switching the gear to second. Without thinking, Kuon hit the break. He felt the car coasting, vibrating before it bumped against something and stilled.
