Page 58 of Love of the Egoist
“Mio ran off…” the man started to make excuses but choked on his words.
“I pay you to hire people no one can run away from!” Yugo’s tuneful baritone disappeared. His voice dropped, picking up guttural notes. “Don't let this happen again.”
“If so, why don’t you dig deeper and learn the reason why Mio took off?” the stranger snapped back. “He found out that you got yourself a new fuck-toy. You haven’t called him for a month. He thought you didn’t need him anymore.”
“Nonsense.” Yugo’s voice didn’t sound confident anymore.
“Prove it to him. Give the detective to me,” the unpleasant voice insisted.
Silence fell.
It was obvious that Yugo didn’t want to give away his toy, but Kuon wasn’t delusional anymore. His odds were slim that Yugo would deny anything Mio asked.
This is absurd… my life depends on the wish of a spoiled brat.The ironic thoughts brought a sad smile to his lips.
“I’ll think about it,” Yugo croaked.
Kuon had heard enough. The thought of escape disappeared, replaced by exhaustion and weariness. He got up and, dragging his feet, stumbled back to Yugo’s bedroom. His movements robotic, his emotions interlaced in a messy knot of stinging, venomous snakes.
He looked into the distance with blank unseeing eyes; his lips stretched in a sarcastic, unnatural smile. Yugo’s words tore out a huge piece of flesh from his chest, and Kuon felt as if he’d watched dogs feast on it.
How could I let myself believe that my existence matters to him? How could I be so deluded? He has been telling me all along that I’m only his toy… once this boy asks to get rid of me, Yugo won’t think twice, will he? I’m no better than a used condom.
“Yugo, hand him over to me. With his body, he will be admired. And when he is worn out I’ll make sure he is gotten rid of quietly. You will not have any trouble.”His brain helpfully provided the memory, and a chill ran down his spine.
He entered the aired bedroom and sank into the chair. Frozen leather brushed against his naked back, but he didn’t bother to close the window or dress. Things like temperature stopped mattering. Everything around him froze like the heart in his chest.
The sweetly-harsh scent of cigarettes had evaporated from the air, replaced with the fading smell of lemon antiseptic, and a faint scent of pine resin brought by the wind. The room had changed forever; it felt strange, foreign. Even before, when the window had been covered with heavy curtains, he had never felt cramped in Yugo’s bedroom. Now, when the window was wide open, and the piercing wind rustled through the room, the walls were closing in on him. Even the air condensed with the alien smell, blocking his air passage.
His self-preservation instinct kicked in, demanding he leave, but his masochistic eyes found the bed and refused to move further. Silky sheets were tucked in with a maniacal perfection. Not a single crease disturbed the mirror-like surface, and the corners were straightened with ideal symmetry.
His stomach roiled. He didn’t want to lie down on the same bed, where Yugo had been holding someone else, ever again. His natural instinct turned against it. Snuggling in the cold leather, he brushed his frozen nose against his forearm.
Congratulations, Yugo. You won. You wanted to break me and see what’s inside? I guess you’ve succeeded.
The last flames of warmth in his chest died out and everything stopped mattering. He felt dead.
??E??
“WHY ARE YOU SITTING IN THE DARK?Wow, it is fucking freezing here. Why didn’t you close the window?” The cheerfulness of Yugo’s voice mutated with confusion as he entered the room, kicking Kuon out of his slough of unpleasant thoughts. He switched the light on, and Kuon screwed up his eyes, shielding his face with his palm.
A wind broke in, hurling a swarm of fluffy snowflakes in the room, silvering the wolf fur.
“Kuon!” Yugo threw him a gaze full of reproach and dashed to the window. The wind died. Heavy curtains closed, cutting the view of the borderless sky.
The last thing Kuon wanted to see was his handsome face. He tried to look somewhere else, but his masochistic eyes, having a mind of their own, glanced at Yugo thereby dropping the soul of their owner in the gulf of hell.
Approaching, Yugo stopped close enough that their knees brushed, bringing with him a familiar aroma of bitter vanilla. He reached for Kuon’s face and touched his icy cheek.
“Fuck, you are frozen.” Kuon leaned back, eluding the touch, and closed his eyes. For the first time in a long time Yugo’s caress caused him unbearable pain. Those fingers didn’t bring the sweet temptation they used to. They didn’t steer sleeping warmth in the depth of his core. They branded his skin with the sting of scorching metal, as an executioner who branded courtesans in the wicked times of the Holy Inquisition.
“What’s wrong? You've only been half here all day,” Yugo asked, his voice full of concern. Leaning forward, he slipped his hands along the armrests and the bronzed skin of his long, muscular arms shimmered with health under the electric light.
“Nothing. Don’t pay attention…” replied Kuon, without a shadow of a smile, fixing his gaze on the wolf fur.
“Oh, you are moody…” Yugo purred in an oily voice, put his hands under Kuon’s shoulders and hips, and lifted him up. “Anyway, we should warm you up. I know the best way to solve both of your problems.”
“No, I don’t want to!” Kuon tried to break free as waves of disgust washed over him along with the strong smell of Yugo’s woodsy cologne. He was about to vomit. Hands, wrapped around his body, brought him pain as if they squeezed his organs, crushing them with strong fingers in a wish to extract some juice.
