Page 21 of Love of the Egoist
“So, they suspect us.” He leaned against the back of his chair. Throwing his hands behind his head, he looked up. “Get Ahmad Amin on the line. Now.”
??E??
SITTING CROSS-LEGGED ON THE MATTRESSand looking out of the window behind the black bars, separating him from freedom, Kuon waited for his dinner.
Gray swathes of clouds hung low. Torn in some places, they let the golden light of the setting sun torrent through, creating a sky waterfall illusion. With each passing moment the colors changed. Pink and blue spread all over the sky canvas as watercolors would over a wet sheet. They deepened, then dimmed, and disappeared giving in to the night.
But even after the colors vanished, transforming into the black nothingness, Kuon kept staring at the dull illusion of the life he’d once led.
The door opened without a knock, and Greg invaded the white room.
“Hands,” he ordered. Kuon’s mouth went dry.
??E??
MEMORIES OF THAT HORRIBLE NIGHTrushed into his mind as soon as he stepped into the shower. His knees buckled, and visceral, sickening fear grew in his heart.
Calm down … Calm fucking down, Kuon … You are stronger than this. You won’t let him see the fear in your eyes. You won’t let him win. Doesn’t matter what he does, he won’t break you. It’s just a body. Close your eyes and it will be over soon.Kuon’s lips moved. Standing under the resilient streams of hot water, he tried to convince himself. But it was useless. Despite the hot water his hands were rigid, his muscles rock hard with tension.
The rectal syringe lay on the small shelf in front of his eyes. The electric light glinted off the blue latex.
Looking at the irritating object, Kuon couldn’t help guessing if its purpose was to humiliate him further or to show him that there would never be another choice than obeying Yugo’s will.
The anger stormed in his chest, thrashing his poor heart against his ribs, spiking his blood pressure. He grabbed the syringe and threw it at the opposite wall. The adrenaline flooded his core, invaded his limbs, installing an uncontrollable tremor in his fingers.
“Enough,” Greg said, cutting the water off. He threw a towel at Kuon, never losing his hostility, every second expecting an attack. His eyes were strained, and Kuon gave up the idea of an immediate escape attempt. He had a heinous feeling that he would need his energy for something else.
Not bothering to dry himself, he pressed the towel to his face several times, then put the trunks on. The fabric soaked with the water streams running down his hips. Instead of the robe, Greg gave him a pair of jeans. Putting them on, Kuon was slightly grateful for the illusion of protection they provided.
As soon as he finished, Greg grabbed his elbow and shoved him out of the bathroom, then down the corridor toward Yugo’s bedroom. He knocked twice with his knuckles, opened the door, pushed Kuon inside, and closed it behind him.
Everything was exactly the same—tableware, spotless bed sheets tucked in with maniacal perfection, the man sitting in the deep leather chair, and a heavy smell of vanilla cigarettes.
Kuon’s heart sunk. He couldn’t believe that events were going to repeat themselves.
Is this why Yugo is keeping me? To humiliate me? To completely destroy my pride and dignity?He laughed to himself, his mouth watering with a bitter taste of defeat.Really… why kill physically when you can mentally crush someone. It would be totally in this bastard’s spirit.
The haunting memories of his last visit to this room paralyzed him, knotting his guts in one tight rubber ball. The mental image of being violated again brought back the tearing pain to the depths of his body. Mentally kicking himself for giving in to fear, he made an effort to put on a smile and asked, “What, tired of spoon feeding me?”
Yugo grinned, crushed a cigarette, and rose from the chair. His black silk shirt unbuttoned, waving around his torso with his every move. He came right up to Kuon, forcing him to step back to the point of melting into the door behind him. The warmth radiating from Yugo’s chest bounced off Kuon’s skin as a firm hand closed around his elbow.
The burning ice spread from Yugo’s fingers and rushed up Kuon’s veins, paralyzing him. For a second, he couldn’t move, couldn’t blink, couldn’t breathe. Even his heart stilled in his chest.
“Would you dine with me?” Despite the questionable formulation, Yugo’s voice sounded uncompromising.
Creeping down Kuon’s forearm with his fingers, the Black Duke let go, stepped back, then took his place at the head of the table.
The knot tightening Kuon’s chest loosened, and he let out a breath. The tornado of confusion came and went, leaving Kuon standing still, feeling empty inside. Pressing his lips tight, he forced the mask of indifference on his face and took the remaining chair. He cupped his chin in his hands, glaring at his captor.
The pause stretched, filling the room with ringing silence.
The eye contact they maintained brought slight prickles to Kuon’s eyes, but he refused to break it. If Kuon invested a lot of hate as well as frosty challenge in his glare, Yugo’s eyes shimmered with curiosity.
“You can’t take your eyes off me, can you? Should I believe that you are harboring strong feelings for me?” Yugo leered, putting a piece of a grilled salmon on Kuon’s plate. “Don’t worry, you will have all the time in the world to convey them to me with your sweet moans. Now, you have to eat. You’re gonna need a lot of energy, believe me.”
The mask Kuon struggled to keep on his face cracked. The blood drained from his face, and his lip muscle twitched. Swallowing, he leaned back in his chair, his appetite gone. White noise inhabited his ears as the unbearable pain and humiliation this man had caused him during their last interaction in this room occupied his thoughts.
He whipped his head to the side, unable to control the fear. Cutting pain shot through his guts as he remembered something big pushing into his body, tearing him apart.
