Page 58 of Another Love, Another Time
“Honey, can you give it another week?” my dad pleads. “It’s only been a week since… Well, I feel like you are making a rash decision.”
“I have thought about this, and this is what I want to do,” I defend. “You know I can graduate early. I had all my credits back in December. I was only staying so I could walk and go to prom. Now, I don’t care about either. And I have changed my mind about school. I have to get away, Dad. Please understand.”
“Is this about Auggie? Did he do something?”
“No, this has nothing to do with Auggie. I just feel like this is what I need to do for myself.”
“River, this is a big commitment. If you don’t like it, you can’t just come home,” he says with a stern look.
I sigh. “I know what the commitment is, and I’m hurt that you would even question my dedication. I’m not a quitter.”
“It’s just that this is the first I’m hearing of it, and I just thought you would go to college. What changed? I mean, you have a full ride to the best college in the state,” he says, concerned.
“I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel like this is what I need to do for myself right now. If it’s not the right choice, I know I’m going to have to live with it, but it’s not going to stop me.”
“Have you talked to Auggie about it?”
I shake my head. “No,” I almost whisper.
“What happened? You and Auggie are best friends. I know something happened; why won’t you tell us?”
I don’t respond. Auggie didn’t do anything, and that is the problem. He was supposed to protect me, and when I needed him the most, he was sucking face with my cousin. He knows how I feel about her. He has seen the crap she has done over the years. How could he do that to me? He was supposed to be waiting for me outside the bathroom. If he had been there, I would have never been attacked.
I can’t go to the same college as both of them. That must have been what he wanted to tell me. I just can’t. I always thought that once we lived in the same area, we could finally be together. I thought that’s what he wanted to, but it turns out, he changed his mind.
Still, I can’t blame Auggie. Not entirely. He’s not the one who attacked me. Auggie just shattered my heart into a million fucking pieces, but that’s on me. I just don’t know how to forgive him. I thought he loved me, but he chose Melissa. She’s the one person I can’t forgive him for. But that doesn’t mean I want my parents to treat him any differently.
“Dad, Auggie has nothing to do with this. It’s just— With everything that happened, I feel like I need to do this next thing by myself. I can’t see or talk to Auggie, or he might talk me out of it. I don’t want to be around him at all. If you say something to him, I’ll leave sooner, and I won’t talk to you before I leave. I also don’t want him at my graduation. I mean it. I see him, and I turn around, and none of you will see me. Got it?” I give him a stern look.
He sighs and rubs his hands down his face. “I feel like you are running away. I hate what happened to you, but in the same breath, I’m so damn proud of you. You fought the son of a bitch. He didn’t get the best of you. Remember that. You are a fighter. Just promise me two things, baby girl.”
“What, Dad?” I look him in the eyes.
“One: you are walking for your high school graduation. Do not deny that for your mother and me. Two: you go to school while you are in the Army. Take full advantage of the free schooling they provide. Then, when you get out, you’ll be debt-free.”
“Okay.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Then I’ll support whatever decision you make. You’re eighteen now. You get to make those decisions. You know I’ll be there at your graduation. Show them those sniper skills your dad taught you.” He winks at me. “So, you leave on Sunday?” I nod. “So, we only have a few more days with you. Let’s make the most out of it.”
We’ve been standing in the dark for over an hour in the same formation that the drill sergeant put us in. It’s currently eleven at night. They said someone would be by to pick us up shortly. I’m pretty sure that was two hours ago. My legs are getting tired.
I have a feeling this is part of the mind games my dad talked about. Before he dropped me off at the airport, he told me to act indifferent to everything. Don’t let them see that you’re getting tired. Don’t let them see that something bothers you.
Standing here, I have a feeling that’s easier said than done. Some of the other soldiers are dropping like flies. I didn’t get much sleep last night since I was nervous about what today would bring. I still have bruises around my eye. A few people have asked about it. I told them I got into a fight, which is the partial truth. No one needs to know that I was almost raped.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath of the night air. It smells like dirt and freshly cut grass. My mind drifts to Auggie, to one of the last times we hung out. We lay on his trampoline while his dad cut the grass. We had all decided that we were going to Mizzou. Pinkies intertwined, we talked all afternoon about everything we were going to do when we got to college. Sometimes, we ran out of things to say, so we just looked up at the sky.
I wish I had told him that day that I was ready. Maybe all of this could have been avoided. I feel a huge void in my chest. I can’t believe he chose Melissa over me.
I’m brought out of my daydream when I hear someone approaching. Some of the people who had sat down hopped up quickly. Then, the drill sergeants yell. I guess we’re on the move now.
~~
We are in the second week of basic training, and I’ve gotten the hang of the routine. I’m getting along with my assigned battle buddy. I tried to stay under the radar with the drill sergeants, but when you come in with bruising around your eyes… Well, they zero in on that. I’m sure all of us have a story; I just wear mine on my face. The drill sergeants joke around, teasing and assuming I am a fighter. I think they expect me to be a troublemaker.
