Page 41 of Antihero
For a time we just stand there, looking out where the car disappeared, the stars twinkling.
My voice comes out with a slight rasp, throat sore. “You’re not evil, you know.” Harry was. He enjoyed every bad thing he ever did to people.
Tristan’s eyes glint white at me in the moonlight. He’s frowning.
“Nothing you’ve done is evil,” I say, trying to pick out the details of his expression in the dark.
His face turns away. “You don’t know everything I’ve done.”
“I know what parts you think were wrong. I know…” Clearing my throat against the catch, I finish, “I know you don’t enjoy the killing.”
He tilts his head again. “Paige…”
“I know because I don’t either. I enjoy the outcome, but not the act. You’re the same.” I almost say it;You’re not like your sister. But I fear I’ll lose him if I do, if I speak her name. And I can’t bear that tonight. Though I know this can’t last, just like I’m not going to last. I’m destined to be another tragedy of his life.
A pause. Tristan ducks his head, turning his back on the cliff, back the way we’ve come. There’s a slight hitch in his voice as he speaks. “We should get back.”
I don’t say another word, just turn around and start walking back towards town alongside him. The cool air is a balm on my aching face. In the peace, the quiet, and the unexpected comfort of having him beside me—only him, like no one else in the world exists—I finally let my few tears fall, to dry in the crisp dark.
Harry is dead.
The moon comes up as we walk, the night unusually clear and quiet. An hour or more passes too quickly, and we’re back to the low scrub around my place. Tristan steps ahead of me, onto the path that will lead back to my front door. When he realises I haven’t followed, he turns back and I see him under the last street light.
“I don’t want to go there,” I say, forcing the words out.
Tristan steps up to me, still not touching me. He hasn’t yet, like he’s not sure I want to be touched after what just happened. In truth, I'm not sure either. He opens his hands, letting them fall back against his thighs. “Sleep with me.”
I give him a look. “Cute that you’re deciding to try asking now, but I’m not exactly in the mood…”
“No, justsleep,” he repeats. I close my mouth. A little closer now, he lets his hand brush mine. My fingers tingle at the touch, wanting to catch and hold on. Idowant to be touched, comforted. Only by him. “No games, no tricks,” he says, slowly, voice soft, “Just sleep.”
My jaw works.
“I get nightmares,” I tell him, a whispered warning, a last chance for him to change his mind.
He doesn’t miss a beat. “So do I.”
I nod once, hating the way my eyes prick. I’m too close now to going soft, to letting the fear and need for others in.
But just for tonight… for one night. I can.
***
It must be close to midnight as I stand just inside his room. I feel awkward as Tristan peels off his jacket, disappearing to the bathroom for a moment before coming out with a small box of first aid supplies, Band-Aids and mild painkillers.
I eye the bed, and him. Realising I’ve never been here before without screwing him over in some way. Yet he’s letting me back in. Because I’m scared to be alone tonight. To be in my own house now would only lead to thinking about what Harry would’ve done had he gotten me inside. It's hard to remember he's dead when I think of those moments he had me at his mercy.
Tristan glances up at me. “It’s warm in here,” he points out.
I slowly come back to the present, peeling off my coat, and hanging it on the hook beside his, before drifting over to sit on the desk. While he’s focussed on my face, big gentle fingers rubbing something that stings just slightly on the bruise and cutnext to my eye, I focus on not flinching away. “His ring cut your cheek, but most of the impact was lower. You shouldn’t get a black eye.”
I nod slowly. Like it matters. “Do you know what he did?” I ask.
Not needing me to specify, Tristan unwraps a small bandage. “I know a lot of what he did,” is all he says.
“You killed him.”
“Because of what he was doing to you. Though he deserved as much for the rest, too.”
