Page 40 of Fixate
Dante continued. "Anyway, he has just been acting differently. And then one day, he came into the office and said he was leaving. That he had to come there to you and take care of stuff. I'm torn between being happy that he took initiative and frustrated that one of my best men is now gone.”
"I would think that you would want him to step up," I said by way of answering.
To know that Ricardo had taken the initiative himself to come changed things.
"Haven't you always said that the man was strong-willed, that he was the type who wanted to make sure a job was done, who planned things down to every meticulous piece?"
"I have said that," Dante agreed. "It's amazing what you can remember."
I remember everything about Ricardo,I wanted to tell him.
I kept my mouth shut though, because the man was standing not all that far from me. The noise around us was enough to block out the conversation I was having about him, but only just barely.
Also, I felt like Dante would immediately see the truth beneath those words if I spoke them aloud.
What I felt for Ricardo bordered on obsession. I was fixated on him in a way I hadn't been with anyone else. No amount of hooking up or completing deals with new clients could take away the temptation that he created simply by existing in my presence.
"What do you need me to do, Dante?"
"Is there some type of thing I should be looking out for, or do you want me to update you?"
The two of us weren't necessarily in the same organization, more like brother organizations, if you will. We had some of the same contacts and functions in the same manner, but we each led our own groups of people.
Our alliance allowed us to work together, which made this conversation work as it was. Any other person calling me with this bullshit would have gotten an earful from me.
Dante let out a deep breath and said, "Just be careful with him, okay? Whatever is going on, I think it involves you, and I think — ” He paused. “I think he might be confused.”
My body went tight at what he was suggesting.
“Confused how? Put it in plain terms for me, Dante.”
The other man mumbled something I couldn't hear before he said, "I think he has a crush on you, or at least a curiosity about you. He's always gotten a bit flustered when I mentioned your name, and with Preacher back in my life, I've noticed him paying attention to us a bit more. He has unfortunately caught us in the heat of the moment a few times, and from the way he has reacted, he is aware of the kinks we partake in. Kinks that you also partake in.”
I stepped away from the entry and turned one corner into the store.
The space was still empty, and since Lennox had gone to the back of the shop to work on the clothes, presumably I had room to talk.
It was more private here, so I felt safe when I asked him, "You think he wants to be my boy? You think he's curious about a relationship?"
There was so much hope in my voice. I knew it, and Dante knew it. He had the decency not to call me out on it. If he had, I don't know what I would have done.
There was no need to admit what we both knew to be true.
I had always liked Ricardo, had always found him attractive to a certain extent, and with my situation, with my now deceased wife, I could have easily pursued him.
But the man was straight. Always had been. Even though I'd never seen him with a woman or heard of his conquests, I knew this to be fact. Had he given me any indication that he wanted to experiment with me, I would have jumped at the chance.
I wasn't one of those men who saw straight guys in challenge, nor was I the type to rule them out completely.
Some people had no clue about their sexuality until they got a chance to explore it. I had a feeling Ricardo was one of those men.
Having been so young when he came into Domenico's reign, there was no chance for him to find out what he enjoyed.
I wanted to be the one to help him figure it out.
I wanted to be the one that he asked questions to, that he pleaded with to try something new.
I wanted to spoil him and dote on him.
