Page 24 of Saved By Mr. Darcy
She wished to protest, but she could not. Her body felt heavy with fatigue, her leg throbbing with pain. How was it that he was able to see through her pretences in a way nobody else could?
“I wish to start my letter anew. It is a waste of paper and ink, and I am sorry for it. Before I was writing in anger. I am tired of being angry, Mr Darcy. My mother will not be changed in her stubbornness, and I will not lower myself to begging - and I shall not give her the satisfaction of knowing that her actionshave unsettled me so gravely. I will write a final letter to tell them of my improvement, and then I will say no more. Jane has obviously been banned from writing, for I know in my heart she would never ignore me. She is good, Mr Darcy. She is not like me; if she is told not to do something, then she will not – no matter how it pains her.”
“I see.”
“I wonder if it is a trait I should envy; total obedience. It seems to make one’s life far simpler.”
“I could not say.”
“You must have wished for it yourself. That I might have a more docile character.”
“I would change little about you, Miss Elizabeth. Least of all that.”
Lizzy felt her breath catch, her heart fluttering in her chest at his declaration. His voice was soft and impossibly gentle, and when she dared to meet his gaze, she saw that his eyes were fixed upon her. She stared back, unable to find any words. If she could find it within herself to speak, perhaps she would say that once, she had wished to change nearly everything about him. Now, she would change only her own misconception of his ways.
“Thank you,” she breathed.
The air between them felt charged, crackling with something she did not understand. She longed to run to him, to be held in his arms. Perhaps it was the pain clouding her judgement, or the late hour, but she could not escape her strange desire. He stared at her still, and in a moment he was at her side. He fell to hisknees, gathering her hands in his. She curled her fingers around his.
“Would that I could take your suffering from you,” he whispered. “Or that I could make your mother see reason. I would keep you here forever, Elizabeth, if it didn’t cause you such pain.”
“You would?”
“It is selfish, I know. But I cannot bear the thought of you leaving.”
“You do not mean it, Mr Darcy.”
“I do not say that which I do not mean.”
“I…”
She tugged gently at his hand. He lifted his head to gaze up at her, and she held her breath as he raised himself. They were face to face, inches apart as she gazed into his eyes. How easy it would be to move just a fraction and feel his lips against hers. He moved first, and she felt the brush of his mouth against her neck. She gasped sharply, sure that she was dreaming. They stayed there in that embrace for several moments, the flutter of his breath against her pulse making her tremble.
He rose to his feet, brushing himself off and turning away from her at once. The moment was broken, unspoken words hanging in the air. Lizzy watched expectantly, waiting for him to walk to the door and leave her alone. He did not. He walked silently to the desk, pulling out the chair and sitting down. He meticulously readied the quill and pulled out a clean sheet of paper. He waited, quill poised against the paper.
“Proceed, Miss Elizabeth.”
“Dear Mother. I…I…” she swallowed hard, her head swimming with all that had come to light these past days. Her mind was a whirlwind of emotion, and she hardly felt inclined to give those feelings a voice at this moment. “I am safe, and I am well. My apologies for not writing sooner, for I was far too unwell to take a pen. You will notice that this is not my own hand. Mr Darcy has been kind enough to aid me in my disposition. He and his sister have shown us all unimaginable kindness. A sorrow, indeed, that this kindness could not be found in your own heart.”
She paused, watching as Mr Darcy wrote all she had said. His hand moved most elegantly on the page, his shoulders broad and head bent as he focused on his task with such dedication that might be found in the secretary of a queen. Silence surrounded them, broken only by the steady scratching of the quill.
“Continue, Madam.”
“I am recovering well. Aunt and Uncle Gardiner are making the journey home to you, and I hope that they arrive after this letter. They must take care in their journey, for they are both weary with the ordeal we have suffered. I am being chaperoned by one Mrs Annelsley, Miss Darcy’s tutor, until such a time as I may leave Pemberley or have my sister by my side.”
Mr Darcy paused in his ministrations. He stayed silent for several moments, and Elizabeth could hear the beating of her own heart. Had she angered him? Had she said too much? She had only his back to judge, and he seemed shrunken in as he hunched over the writing table. When he straightened, turning slowly to look at her, she braced herself for…well, she did not know just what to expect, and that was all the more frightening.
“It is a lie.”
When he finally spoke, she did not hear scolding nor disapproval in his voice. It was filled with a warmth she did not know to expect from him, her heart racing as their eyes met. She felt a shiver run through her, a sharp sting of longing making her shudder. He stared at her, his jaw set.
“I’m sorry?”
“The very fact that I am here with you. You are not being chaperoned, and I am failing in my promise to your aunt and uncle. You are in your nightclothes. I should never have come near here. I have no cause to linger near the Blue Room as I do so often. And yet I could not pull myself away tonight.”
“Let us finish the letter and then I shall release you from your duty to me.”
She could send him away. She should; a girl’s reputation had been ruined for far less. The letter was a hopeless pretence; it was not urgent, and whatever she had to say to her mother could certainly wait for the light of day. She knew that they would not be disturbed at this hour. Georgiana had bid her goodnight hours ago.
