Page 59 of One Perfect Day in Lovely Bay
'Sorry. I know it should bemebeing the one who looks afteryou.’
Cally shook her head. 'What? Where did that come from? Not at all. Where does it say that you have to look after me? Don't apologise. You're allowed to grieve, Logan. You don't have to be strong all the time. I was just pointing out that getting sozzled isn’t going to help matters…'
Logan pushed his chair out, opened the fridge, and grabbed a can of lemonade. ‘You’re right. I’m going to dilute this.’
Cally smiled. ‘I’m not telling younotto drink. I just think getting plastered might make you feel worse in the long run. I really don’t think it helps.’
‘Yeah, I hear you.’ Logan gestured to the table. ‘You’ve made this gorgeous meal. I’m not going to ruin it. I think I just need to, you know, hibernate for a bit. I don’t really want to do anything.’
‘I’ve noticed.’
‘Are you okay with that?’
‘Of course!’ Cally nodded. ‘Of course, I'm okay with it. You take all the time you need. There's no rulebook for grief.'
Logan took a bite of the pork. 'This is good. Thanks.'
'I thought a home-cooked meal might be nice.'
‘I keep thinking about things I did with Alastair. Nothing could keep him down for long. He was sort of annoying at the same time, too, which is making me feel really guilty.’
‘I get it.’ Cally let out a ginormous sigh. ‘I’ve been there. You just have to work through it.’
'He loved you, Cal. He always said I needed someone to keep me on my toes, and you certainly do that.'
Cally begged to differ. However, there was no way she was going to say that she’d never really warmed to Alastair and that he had, on more than one occasion, totally rubbed her up the wrong way. She thought about her own experiences with grief, wondering if there was anything she could say that might help. ‘When my grandma died, I found it really hard because I was relieved. Then, when I actually just admitted that to myself, it actually helped.'
‘Right. I see. It just doesn’t feel real, you know?’
‘It does get easier…’
Logan was quiet for a moment. 'It's just going to take time, I think, or I just suck it up and get on with it. I just feel like I should be handling this better,' Logan admitted. 'I mean, look at you for instance. From what you told me you had so much crap going on after your grandma passed away and you got on with it.’
Cally shook her head. She’d had little choice but to get on with it. Yet another difference with the Henry-Hicks lot and especially Logan. He’d never been in this situation before and he was floundering around wondering what in the name of goodness was going on. In her case, she’d had no choice but to deal with it. 'You can't compare grief. Some people just put on a brave face.'
‘Is that what you did?’
‘Hmm. I guess so. It was different, though – she was old, and I’d had a lot of time to get used to it. Part of why you’re feelinglike this is perhaps because of the shock. I mean no one ever wants to get news like that.’
‘I feel souseless. Like I should be doing something, but I don't know what. There’s nothing to do.'
'You're not useless. It's okay to take time for yourself, to feel what you're feeling.'
'I keep thinking about when I spoke to Alastair. He was so excited about his trip with Octavia, talking about all the places they were going to see. I remember thinking he was being a bit over the top, you know? Like, it's just a holiday, mate, calm down,' Logan continued, his voice catching slightly. 'Now I wish I'd been more enthusiastic and asked more questions. If I'd known it was the last time I'd speak to him...'
'You couldn't have known.'
‘No.’
‘All your feelings are valid.'
Logan nodded. ‘I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you, you know that?'
'I love you too.’
Cally sighed as she took a sip of her drink. She hoped that loving Logan was going to be enough.
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