Page 58 of One Sweet Day in Lovely Bay
‘I’ve needed time, as I said, and I’ve been busy…’
‘We both know that's not the real reason. You made up your mind about something that happened years before I even met you and you don’t like it. You’re punishing me for that. End of.'
Cally’s cheeks flushed. 'Punishing you? Is that what you think this is?'
'What else am I supposed to think?' Logan retorted. 'You find out about a marriage that ended long before we met, and suddenly you can't even look at me, and there’s been no communication. You know you really need to grow up. How is that fair?'
Cally glanced around, acutely aware that they were having the conversation in the middle of the Co-op. 'I, err...'
Logan cut her off. ‘Do you have any idea what it’s like to be on the other side of this? You suddenly shut me out completely. Yeah, whatever. Not impressed. Not at all.’
Cally felt irrationally angry. She couldn’t quite compute that he’d turned the tables and was blaming her for everything. 'Oh, I'm sorry. Am I not reacting the way you'd like?You’renot impressed! I’ve heard it all now!'
Logan's eyes flashed. 'I didn't lie to you. I simply didn't tell you about something that happened years ago and has no bearing on our relationship whatsoever. Honestly, get over yourself.'
'No bearing? You weremarried, Logan. That's not exactly a minor detail! How do you work out that that’s not important?'
'It was a mistake,' Logan hissed, clearly trying to keep his voice down. 'A brief, stupid mistake that I'd rather forget. Why can't you understand that? So infuriating.’
Cally also hissed. 'Because you didn't trust me enough to tell me. Because I had to find out by accident. Doyouhave any idea how that feels?'
Logan grimaced in frustration. ‘I've apologised. I've explained. What more do you want from me?'
Cally, actually, wasn't entirely surewhatshe wanted. 'I wanted to be able to trust you. To know that you're not keeping other secrets from me.'
'I'm not! You're blowing this completely out of proportion. It was one mistake years ago. It doesn't change anything about us, about our relationship or what’s left of it.'
‘How can I trust that you're not hiding other things from me?'
Logan's expression hardened. He also rolled his eyes. 'It’s just ridiculous, and as I said, come back to me when you can deal with it or, you know, don’t. Your choice.’
Cally felt as though the ground was trembling beneath her feet. There was a small earthquake happening in the Co-op in Lovely Bay. ‘You’re making yourself very clear.’
‘Same to you. I think we both need some time to think about things.’
Cally nodded and before she could speak, Logan grabbed a block of cheese, turned and walked away, disappearing down an aisle without a backward glance. Cally stood there for a moment, clutching the forgotten milk bottle, feeling as though her world had just tilted on its axis again. What in the world? To be frank, she didn't know what to think. One thing was for sure: Logan was no walkover. He took no prisoners. So handsome when angry. Phew.
Mechanically, she made her way to the checkouts, paid for the milk, and stepped out into the warm Lovely Bay evening. As she walked back towards the deli, her mind whirred like crazy. Part of her wanted to run after Logan to try and fix things. But another part, the stubborn part that had been nursing her hurt, held her back. She replayed their conversation in her head, getting angrier and more upset by the second. As she approached the deli, she took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. There was no way she was going to take her personal drama into the festival meeting. She pushed open the door, the cheerful jingle of the shop bell ringing in her ears. Alice looked up from behind the counter and made a funny face. ‘Are you okay?'
Cally flicked the switch and forced a smile. ‘Yep, all good. Here's the milk. I couldn't remember if you wanted skimmed or not.’
‘Doesn’t matter. Thanks.’
‘I'm going to pop upstairs for a second. I just need to check my emails quickly.’
‘Okie-dokie. See you shortly.’
After popping to the loo, Cally looked in the mirror as she washed her hands. She spoke to her reflection. 'Why couldn't he just have told me in the first place? Grrr.’
She shook her head, tutted, and wrinkled her nose and face. A little voice whispered that she was being an idiot, that she was pushing Logan away because of her pride and stubborn streak. The voice was one hundred per cent right. She’d lost the game.
34
Cally kicked off her shoes and peeled away her socks, leaving them in a jumbled heap on the beach. As she stood for a second looking out to sea, little grains of cool and damp sand shifted beneath her feet. She wiggled her toes, dug them further under the sand, and stood there for a minute, waiting to see if being by the sea would do its thing. With a heavy sigh, she began to walk along the shoreline, peering in front of her at the endless expanse of water all the way to the horizon. Waves lapped on the shore and she crossed her fingers that they might actually do something to alleviate the chaotic thoughts swirling in her mind. They didn’t really, but it was worth a go. Seagulls wheeled and screeched overhead as she pounded along, taking in huge lungfuls of fresh sea air and tried to do something about her discombobulated mind.
The further she walked, though, the more Cally’s mind tumbled here, there, and everywhere. It drifted from Logan to her little flat, to the races, and then back over the previous few years before she’d even known about the existence of a family named Henry-Hicks. She thought about her own pathetic excuse for a family and the familiar low-frequency dull sort of sadness about all that it had ended up being. A lot of heartache everywhich way she’d turned and no one ever being there to help hold up her sky. Her brain flicked back to the latter years of her caring role and how her grandma, in her increasing frailty, had required near-constant care. How utterly exhausting and draining that had been. How sometimes the constant, never let up of it had made her so tightly wound she’d wondered if she’d ever be able to let go. As the sea washed over her feet and she pummelled along the sand, she was suddenly back in the room with the bed hoist, the smell of talcum powder and lavender soap in her nose, the sound of laboured breathing in the night, soft papery skin, watery pale blue eyes, the shrill of the alarm when something went wrong. Worry. So much dread.
Cally shook her head and tried to remember the good times, but her mind instead went to her mum. Her mum had battled all sorts of demons, and somehow, it had often been Cally’s fault at the end of the day. The ins and outs of her mother’s mental health had given her mum a very good excuse not to have to bother with the intricacies of the parental role. Indeed, since Cally had been able to do things for herself, she’d been the parent in the situation. Ever the adult as far as Cally was concerned. And adolescence, the teenage years, and navigating through them? That hadn’t been an option in our Cally’s world. No option to have her own life. Sucking it up for everyone else all the time.
