Page 90 of Melt For Us, Daddy
“I know. But there’s a—I don’t really know how to explain it. A wholesomeness about you. Even when I’ve got you tied to a cross and I’m flogging you until you’re covered in welts, you’re still just so… bright. Sweet and innocent in a way that has nothing to do with sex. Like the darkness of the world knows it can’t touch you no matter how hard it tries.”
Emotion tightened Ivy’s chest, and she had to blink back tears. “Is that why you tried so hard to keep your darkness away from me?”
“Yeah. Yeah, it is. I know now it was the wrong choice but…”
It still made her stomach ache a bit, thinking of all those secrets. But now, she could understand just a little bit what Cordelia must have been thinking. Because she knew she would do just about anything to protect their boy from any more pain than he’d already endured. “But you love me, and you wanted to protect me. I get it, Dee.”
“Good.” Cordelia blew out a shaky breath. “Good.”
“So, what about Jacob? You said it was easier and harder than you expected? What’s the hard part?” Though she had a feeling she knew, she needed to ask. Needed Cordelia to tell her, so they could work through it together.
“His past,” Cordelia said, confirming Ivy’s thoughts. “Like just now, listening to him beat himself up over ‘falling into sin’ with us, god, it fucked me up, you know? Because I hurt for him, and I’m angry for him, and I think part of me is angry with him for not being stronger. And I know that makes me a total bitch but?—”
“It doesn’t.” Pushing up, Ivy stared down at her woman, brushing away the tears she wasn’t even sure Cordelia knew she was shedding. “It makes you human, Dee. But you have to remember, he’s just starting his journey. And it’s going to look a lot different than yours did, because you’re very different people.”
“I know that, I do, but it’s hard. I just want to shake him and tell him to grow the fuck up and stop letting them control him when they’re not even here.”
“But aren’t they?” At Cordelia’s confused frown, Ivy sighed. “They’re here, because they’re in his head. They’re in your head, even if they aren’t as loud as they once were. Both of you are who you are because they molded you, shaped you, from the time you were born. He can’t just shake that off, Dee.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.”
“But it’s hard. I get that, too. And if there was anything I could do to make it hurt less for you, for him, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would take that pain on for both of you without thinking twice.”
“I wouldn’t let you. But I love you so much for wanting to.”
“I love you, too.” And though she wanted so badly to leave it at that, they still had more to talk about. More decisions to make. “So… what do we do now? About Jacob?”
Groaning, Cordelia pushed up so she was sitting with her back against the headboard. “I think we let him decide. If he doesn’t want to have any more ‘anatomy lessons’ then we respect that.”
“And if he does?”
“Then we pick up where we left off this morning.”
Ivy had to bite back a huff of annoyance at her Daddy’s deliberate avoidance of the actual topic. “But what does that look like? We haven’t really talked about that. Haven't really laid out any boundaries or limits or anything for the three of us.”
Cordelia gave a slow nod of agreement. “You’re right. We should sit him down after his nap and talk about it.”
“Could we talk about it now? Just the two of us?”
Tilting her head to the side a bit, Cordelia studied her. “What do you want to talk about, baby?”
“It’s just, um.” Okay, this was harder than she’d expected it to be. They’d negotiated so many scenes with other people, but they'd never negotiated a brand-new dynamic with a third person. “I don’t think this is going to work if we can’t all have our own relationships, you know? Like, if Jacob and I can’t… be together. Just the two of us sometimes.”
“Ah.” A slow, understanding smile curved Cordelia’s lips. “You want permission to fuck our boy when I’m not around.”
Heat rose to Ivy’s cheeks. “Yes. But not just sex. I want to be able to snuggle and tease him. I want to be able to explore this toppy side I never even knew I had. And I want to have the option for the kind of spontaneous sex you and I just had.”
“That’s understandable.”
“It is?”
Cordelia cocked a brow. “Of course it is, baby. I need some time to think about it, to come up with a solution that works for all of us. Because I’ve gotten very used to owning your pleasure and I’m not keen to give that up.”
It was a reasonable answer, even if it wasn’t the one Ivy wanted to hear. “Yes, Daddy.”
“But I also want you to be happy. And you’re right, we both need time to build our own relationships with Jacob, separate from each other, just like we have our own relationship separate from him. I’m not sure this will work any other way.”
“I don’t think it will, either.”
