Page 22 of Follow the Rhythm
And now, here I was, already causing problems on my first day. Though, to be fair, neither of the problems in question were really my fault.
I felt my face flush hot. I finally glanced at Ellis, and my stomach clenched with panic. He was finallylookingat me with that intense gaze that had always made me feel important. In fact, everyone in the room was staring at me. I forced myself to hold Ellis’s eye contact.
“Hey, long time no see,” I said, as nonchalantly as I could. My heart was hammering away inside my chest.
“What is this? Youknowher?” Bea asked Ellis, incredulous.
“Jesus Christ, can I just get through the slide deck? I’m begging all of you to please shut up,” Ursula said.
Ellis was still staring at me. “I didn’t recognize you.”
“Well, it has been a long time,” I said dryly, then turned back to Ursula. I refused to look at anyone else. “Sorry, let’s get back on track,” I said in my best professional voice.
But I couldn’t focus on anything she was saying, not with the adrenaline I had coursing through my body. Charlie’s scent had bowled me over as soon as he walked through the door, and I was breathing as shallowly as possible to avoid it. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn’t deal with that and Ellis at the same time.
I’d spent the whole night before worrying about how I would feel when he ignored me again. As usual, thinking about Ellis brought up all the things I didn’t want to think about, like vultures circling around an animal carcass. Memories of my mom, quiet and withdrawn even before the diagnosis that took her away. Presenting as an Omega in my junior year of college and being terrified and unprepared, since my mom and aunt had both been Betas. Watching Aunt Natalie waste away like Mom, but on an even slower and more brutal timeline.
And through it all, I’d been pining after a boy who’d made me feel special when I needed it most, then left me behind. The old wounds that I thought had closed were ripped wide open by the proof that I hadn’t meant anything to Ellis at all.
But never once had I prepared myself for the possibility of a public reunion. It was so, so much worse than the alternative.
I stared unseeing at Ursula’s presentation, white-knuckling the arms of my chair, until she reached the end. I looked down at my blank notebook and pretended to make notes.
“I like the direction,” Kieran’s voice rumbled. “Makes total sense to me.”
“Good. And you?” she asked.
“Yeah, fine, whatever,” Ellis said dismissively. I pressed a fingernail into my thigh to give the panic an outlet.
“Don’t be a dickhead,” Kieran said.
“Idon’t think the concept works. It’s much too dark. Shouldn’t it be more fun? Ellis’s brand is going in a more positive direction,” Bea said.
“Alright, if we’re all in agreement, Charlie and I can start working on logistics,” Ursula said, ignoring Bea. My heart leapt with relief. I stood on shaking legs.
“Do you need me?” I asked Ursula quietly. Ursula shook her head, and I fled before anything else could go wrong.
I made it into the hallway and took huge inhales of fresh air not tainted by Charlie’s scent. Then I threw myself into the elevator and basically punched the button for the lobby.
“Hold up,” Grace called and slid her boot between the doors to keep them from closing. I groaned in frustration and hauled her inside, then jammed the door close button over and over until the doors finally, blessedly, slid shut.
“What the fuck is going on between you and Charlie? AndEllis? You know him? Why didn’t you say something?” Grace asked, shaking me slightly by my shoulders. “I NEED the tea.”
“Just… give me a second.” I pressed the lobby button impatiently. My hands were shaking again, and my heart was pounding unevenly. I took deep breaths. Everything was fine. The walls were not closing in. I was out of that room.
As soon as the elevator stopped, I fell out into the elegant marbled lobby and beelined for the door to the courtyard, Grace hot on my heels.
I darted into the shade of a couple of potted trees and caught my breath. I sank onto the lip of one of the pots, and Grace settled across from me.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just get panic attacks sometimes,” I admitted.
“Shit. Sorry. Me too.” Grace took my hand. I clutched it gratefully. Austin had always been great at helping me through panic attacks, especially when I was new to the Omega Center; now I knew why.
The courtyard was bustling with attractive, important people having lunch, but our shady corner was out of the way enough to feel secluded. I did my box breathing; inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four, and hold for four. After a few rounds, my heart rate started to calm.
“Better?” Grace asked. I nodded. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. My desperate need for gossip isn’t as important as your mental health.”
