Page 9 of Exile
Alyssa is one of the first people I've come across who actually sees me as a human being. It's because of that, that I feel the need to tell her what my outcome was.
"Lilydale," she confirms, glancing down at what I now deduce is my file. "I'm glad you didn't go to prison. You didn't deserve it."
"You don't know the things I did," I point out half-heartedly. "To be fair, I nearly ended up there."
Alyssa visibly grimaces. "I wasn't on duty that night," she tells me softly. "But the next morning, my colleagues filled me in on the girl who was brought in from a house fire. When one of them mentioned your first name during a debriefing, it didn't take much to put the pieces together. I knew right then and there that there was more to the story."
My heart beats strangely in my chest. For the first time, someone on the outside of Lilydale is looking at the old me…without judgment. Truly seeing me as the walking cry for help I was.
Too bad that girl is dead now. But I have no regrets. Lilydale saved me. Not in the way the welcome brochure promised, but the people inside, the ones who speak to the darkest parts of me—they did. They saw me aseverything.Not the victim, not the familial killer, not the girl with mental illness… they saw what was inside and dug out the potential—the real me that had never had an opportunity to flourish.
"Therewasmore to the story. But no one realized until it was too late," I say firmly. "That's okay though. Maybe everything happens for a reason. I think I'm exactly where I needed to be."
I state it with such weight and force, that it makes her pause for a moment, letting the words sink in.
Finally, she closes the file, placing it on one of those overbed tables that wheel around the bed. "I always knew you were strong," she remarks. "And if it helps, even in the tiniest bit, I did actually raise your case with my charge nurse and suggest they contact the appropriate authorities to investigate. We suspected abuse but the system is just so overwhelmed…"
Trailing off, guilt appears in her eyes. An invisible hand clutches around my heart at her own blame—because there's no way in the world she'd ever be able to stop or protect me from the monster I lived with. No one could.
"Alyssa," I say gently. "We both did the best we could. And that's okay.I'm okay."
She nods, letting out a sigh. "I suppose we should get back to the matter at hand. Are you injured from what occurred today?"
Suddenly, I don't feel the need to lie or make up some bullshit injury. Instead, I just shake my head. "No. But my husband is. He's here somewhere."
Surprise crosses her face at that, and to be fair, I think my expression matches hers too. Saying the words out loud still feelsweird—a good weird though.
I think.
"Your husband?" she repeats. "What's hisname?"
I swallow, reality hitting me in the face at full force again at our conversation. "Damon." Pausing, I internally sneer as his surname hangs on the tip of my tongue, an unpleasant reminder of Alexander and the fact he's the fucking reason that Damon is hurt. "It's Damon Emerson Alexander Dale. His late mother is actually the reason Lilydale exists."
Not entirely sure if I should be revealing such personal information, but at this rate, my desire to protect Alexander is as low as humanly possible. Fuck him with a cactus and one of Grey's shivs. He's the reason Lily is dead, and he is the reason Damon is in this hospital right now, fighting for his life.
Alyssa pokes her head out through the curtains. "I'll go check for you," she says quietly. "No one should bother you. I'll just be a minute."
I watch as she disappears behind the pale, patterned curtain. Around me, the old familiar sound of hospital noises ground me. Machines beeping, feet shuffling on floors, doctors and nurses talking. It doesn't hurt or frighten me as much as I thought it would. I used to be terrified to come here, the fear that Dad would punish me for it. I guess his death brought me a freedom I didn't expect.
The hospital used to be such a triggering place for me. Always here for the wrong reasons, ignored and having to be treated like a number in an overwhelmed, under-supported system. Just needing to get the patients in and out as quickly as possible, the staff fighting to survive—just like us.
Maybe others like Alyssa did want to save me…
They just couldn't.
As I wait, my mind drifts back to Damon. It helps knowing that he's nearby, somewhere in this building. I feel strangely at peace knowing both of us are away from Lilydale temporarily. They can't hurt us here.
Damon… I need him to be okay. I can't lose him when I've only just gotten my chance with him.
Marriage was never something on the cards for me but I'm happy to take it. But being a widow? I'm not willing to accept that.
Damon deserves happiness.
I deserve happiness.
We all do.
After a few minutes, Alyssa reappears, acting very much like a spy on a mission. Her body is hunched, eyes darting around, and suddenly it feels like we're in a B-grade James Bond movie.
