Page 105 of Exile
What benefit is there to staying quiet? What about other victims that are too afraid to speak up? To talk about theirpain. Abusers get away with too much. My father may be dead, but it's not my job to protect him. He never protected me. I had to fight to survive every step of the way.
Well, fuck him. And fuck Lilydale.
Clearing my throat, I do my best to keep my voice strong. "The week before I accidentally killed my father, he had arranged for his friend to rape me," I say loudly, voice cracking only slightly. "I was the prize in some stupid game or bet. The incident left me severely injured."
I can practically feel the tension in the room at my words, a few people not hiding their shock and repulsion. It spurs me on, the public defender nodding. "Tell us about these injuries."
"Scarring and inflammation to my reproductive organs. I was told I will never be able to conceive children. I also suffered severe bruising from attempting to fight back."
My face feels warm as dozens of eyes watch me but I stay focused on the public defender. He eagerly nods, indicating I'm doing well.
"And was your father present that day?"
"Yes," I frown. "He was in the living room. I know he could hear me screaming because the volume on the television kept increasing. He basically sold my virginity and didn't care."
A few murmurs sound around the room but I pay them no mind. Anger and pain rush through me, memories flashing into my mind. I didn't deserve that shit—any of it.
"And what happened to lead to the fire?" The public defender pushes.
"That night my father was in his usual bad mood," I recall. "He threw a bottle at my head and dragged me through the glass while kicking me. During it, he got a phone call and left to go meet that friend. He threatened to bring him back for round two."
It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop. But the faces of the observers and jury give me the power to continue, their horrified expressions clearly working in my favor.
"I'm so sorry," he sympathizes. "So, you felt the only option you had was to end your life."
"That's right," I admit, not bothering to brush away a tear that glides down my cheek. "Except I didn't know he had come back home. I wanted to burn the house down. My mother had killed herself in it too because of him. I just wanted to escape him—not harm him."
"And you ended up in Lilydale?"
"Yes."
"Tell us more about Lilydale. Were you supported by the professional staff there?"
I meet Dr. Smith's eyes again. "Some, yes. But unbeknownst to us, they were conducting experiments on patients. I was one of them."
As I enter into my recollection of Dr. West and Dr. Cromwell's torture, I notice people around the room covering their mouths in horror and disbelief.
Then it hits me.
I'm so close to freedom—if I can just prove I'm not mentally unfit and should be kept in a facility for the rest of my life.
"Despite everything," I start to tell the room. "I worked with my psychiatrist at Lilydale to help heal. And I feel like I've come far. I worked through the blame I held, and how much I hated myself. I actually fell in love there. And for the first time in my life, I believe I deserve a second chance. I deserve to live my life."
The public defender nods, smiling at me. "Thank you, Avery. No more questions, Your Honor."
It's a long morning, pushing into the afternoon when finally, after everyone has spoken, including Dr. Smith, we are excused while the jury deliberates. I stay outside the courtroom with Margie while Dr. Smith keeps his distance, apparently so as to not cause any tampering issues or something according to Margie. Since he spoke as a witness, it's best that we aren't seen talking until the verdict comes back, in case they try to say we're colluding, even though he's on my side.
Hours pass, and finally, we're called back in.
I might actually vomit. Like enough to drown in.
My legs threaten to shake and buckle as I stand next to the public defender, heart pounding painfully.
Shit. This is it…
Whatever they decide, that will seal my fate forever.
"Has the Jury reached a decision?" The Judge asks the lead juror.
