Page 34 of Shattered Secrets
I bite my lip. “I’ll see what I can do. But I can’t promise anything, okay? I don’t want you to be disappointed.” I’d love to help her out, but I’m not the one who decides what to cover.
“I know. So, how are you?”
Olive and I sink into our usual conversation until I get to the office, then say our goodbyes.
I knock on the door of Uncle Toby’s office. “Can I come in?” He gestures with his hand, and I go in and sit in front of him.
“I have an idea for an article or spread in the magazine. A new designer store in New York is opening in two weeks. I know the designer, and she’s amazing.”
“In New York? What’s special about this store? Why should we review it in particular, and more precisely, in New York?”
“The designer is something special. She’s a rising social network star, and she has a crazy buzz. More than a million followers on social networks. The opening is going to be a blast for sure. Lots of celebrities will come. We should be there.”
“A million followers, you say? Okay, that sounds more interesting. And how will you get an invitation?”
“I already have one.” I smile. “The designer is a friend of mine.”
“Can you write the article? Maybe we’d better send Liz.”
I shake my head. “It’s important to her that I be there. I can write a piece, but if you prefer, Liz and I can fly together.” I’m not a journalist, but I can cover an event.
He considers my words. “All right. But you’ll have to take a photographer with you. We’ll need photos.”
I nod. “Yeah, sure.”
“Okay, so send me dates and book flights for you and Claire.”
I almost skip out of the room. It worked out great. And this will be an excellent feature in the magazine. Claire is one of our best photographers and also fun to work with.
I send Olive a message.
I’m coming to New York! And I’m also bringing a photographer with me. You’re in. Okay?
Olive
Yes! You’re amazing. And, of course, the photographer is welcome. I’m so excited!
I return to my desk, send the information to Claire, and book flights and a hotel for both of us.
Only when the excitement subsides, do I realize what I’ve done. Olive is my friend. We’ve talked almost every day since what happened. But she is also a close friend of Ethan’s.
Ethan was involved in this store from the beginning. There’s no way he won’t make it to this opening.
I try to stop the vibrations that attack me. How am I supposed to face him? I can’t. I’ll cancel the trip. But Olive... I already promised her. I’ll have to let Liz go in my place like Toby suggested.
My breathing is fast and shallow. I try to inhale deeply to stop the onset of the anxiety attack. Maybe Ethan won’t be there at all? I Google his name daily, and nothing comes up except for a few articles about his businesses. After the incident, he disappeared from society. He doesn’t appear in public.
And as if to annoy me, when I type his name now, a picture from yesterday comes up.
Of course. Of course, there would be a new picture of him right when I’m on the verge of having a panic attack. He’s still beautiful, still looks amazing. Still makes my body crave him. But on re-examination, I see that something has changed. The intensity I used to see in him is missing, that playful mischief. I open the next picture, and my heart hurts as if he’s hit me. I’m horrified to see that there is a blonde hanging on his arm. I wonder if she’s important to him. If they are in love like we were.
My nails dig so hard into my thighs that they leave marks. I remind myself that Ethan can date whoever he wants. We’re not together. Just because I can’t get over him, that doesn’t mean he didn’t succeed in getting over me.
I engage myself at work and fill my head with numbers and campaigns. There’s nothing like being busy to distract myself.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been so tense before a session with my psychologist, but today I feel like I did nearly a year ago. I remember the first few times I went to him when the wounds were still fresh and open. It’s like I’ve once again returned to the days of the beginning, to the paralyzing fear, to a place I thought I was no longer in. Turns out I still have a long way to go.
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