Page 45 of Frankie and the Fed
She nods, and I take out another glass.
“I behaved terribly,” I say. “I have no excuse. I knew I was hurting you, but I thought it would be better for you that way. That it would be for the better if I stayed away from you.”
“Leaving me in a hospital, after everything that happened, broken and injured, when I needed you the most, and telling me on the phone?” she sobs. “Telling me on the fucking phone that you don’t want me anymore? That was for the best? How is it for the best?” She surprises me with her outburst. She’s damn well furious.
Shit, she is so right. And there is no way in the world she will understand why I did that.
“I only went with him for you!” she shouts.
“And that’s exactly why I left!” I shout back.
She’s silent, a confused look filling her eyes.
“I fail to protect the women I love. Not Anna, and not you.” I swallow. “They all end up getting hurt because of me. I destroy everyone I come close to. Your parents think so, too.”
“You talked to my parents?”
“Yes. They called me in the hospital several days after... They wanted to know about the nature of our relationship, and they made it very clear that what happened was my fault. They insisted that I not contact you again, and they were right.”
“My parents said that?” She looks shocked. It’s apparent they didn’t tell her about our conversation.
Ayala begins to pace, then turns back to face me. “He would have hurt me, anyway. That’s who he is. Or was,” she corrects.
“But you wouldn’t have left here if he hadn’t sent those pictures, right?”
“Did you see them?”
I nod. “Yes. And when I couldn’t get the police to do anything about it, I flew there to search for you myself.”
“When I woke up and saw you injured on the floor, I thought you were...” Tears flow down her cheeks. “I thought you were dead.”
I shake my head and try to shove the memory away. “For a moment, I thought so too.”
“When they told me you were alive, which they didn’t tell me until that day I called you, by the way, the only thing I wanted was for you to be okay. I wanted to know you were safe. You were everything to me... And all you had to say was, it’s over between us. You broke me, Ethan. It was you who broke me,” she cries. “Michael couldn’t break me, but you did.”
Hell. I want to gather her in and comfort her. I step forward, but she flinches.
“I’m sorry. I thought it was better that way. That you would get over me and move on. Choose someone who deserves you.”
“You don’t get to decide for me who deserves or doesn’t deserve me. You didn’t even give me a chance, Ethan.”
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t look you in the eyes and know that I caused it. Not after I saw...” I shiver from the image of her broken body that comes before my eyes.
“So I disgust you.” She looks down.
I close the distance between us and raise her face to me. “No, never. You are the most amazing, strongest woman I know.”
“You moved on quickly enough.”
I frown, trying to understand.
“The blonde in the picture.”
Ah shit. The picture. An unfortunate mistake. “No. Just my desperate attempt to show everyone that everything is fine with me when in fact, I’m completely broken.” I smile sadly. “How can it be, I’m the one who fell apart, and you’re so whole? How are you so strong?”
“Oh, I fell apart. But I put myself back together. Do you know why? Because I promised you I would. Because I swore he’d kill me before he broke me.” She lets out a hollow laugh. “But I broke in the end anyway. But do you know when? When I realized you weren’t coming back to me.”
I squeeze my eyes closed, trying to hold back the tears. Then I look at her and try to make her understand. “I was stupid. I am stupid. I still love you. I never stopped loving you and wanting you. Please, let me fix this. Give me a chance.” I wrap her in an embrace, and she feels so good in my arms, but she pulls away from me.
