Page 30 of Frankie and the Fed
CHAPTER13
Ethan
Iwatch the presentation put on by the managers of Lemon Games and try to show interest in the numbers, but my thoughts wander to other places.
I bought the company a little before the “event”—that’s what I call that terrible day now—but wasn’t into it in the following months.
Well, let’s not embellish reality. I was stoned about ninety percent of the time.
The alcohol and pills were the only things that blurred the picture that dominated my thoughts. Luckily Ryan insisted on taking me to his house and putting me through accelerated rehab. He and Olive pulled me out of it before it was too late.
Since I returned to the office a few months ago, I’ve tried getting back to operating my little empire, but my interest level is so low as to be practically non-existent. I can’t seem to revive my drive. Even Savee doesn’t interest me like it used to, and I leave Paul to manage without me. What good is the entire operation I set up if, at the moment of truth, I couldn’t even save the woman I love?
After months of being away, I don’t understand what I’m doing here at all. Everything worked perfectly without me. I have excellent managers who know their job. They don’t need me here.
I nod in the right places and say the right things, but nothing moves me. From the outside, life is back on track. I conduct myself in the world as usual, but nothing is as usual.
I feel numb. I feel…off.
On the outside, I am perfectly fine. The injuries have healed, although I still do physical therapy every night to improve the condition of my shoulder. I’m eating regularly, I’m functioning normally, and I’ve even confirmed attendance at the children’s fundraiser next week. Although I’d rather get stabbed again than smile at everyone. I’ve confirmed without a plus one.
After the presentation and meetings are over, I sit alone in my office and open the weekly report from Jess.
No one knows I’m still following her, still checking on her.
Ryan would go crazy if he knew.
But I can’t stay away. I have to see her, even from afar and know she’s okay. It’s the only bright spot in my week.
I open the email with shaky hands. He’s sent pictures. I wait a bit for them to download to the device and open it.
I take a deep breath.
Her figure, so familiar to me, walks down the street, wearing a knee-length black pencil skirt and a tight yellow blouse that highlights her breasts. She’s wearing heels with a bag tucked under her arm. Her hair, lighter and longer now, flutters in the wind, and she reaches to tuck the bothersome strands behind her ear.
I can’t see her eyes from the distance the photo was taken, but I remember how blue they are.
She looks amazing.
She looks like a woman who has moved on.
She still works at the magazine and seems to excel in the job. I always knew she would be amazing. I’d offered her a job once. She had that fire I was looking for and a sharp mind. But she refused my offer, and I wonder now if the situation would have been different if she hadn’t still been working at the bar but instead had been working for me when he started looking for her.
I’m glad to see how well she looks, how alive. Not like Anna. Ayala is stronger than Anna and always has been.
Turning from the photos, I continue reading the update. It seems she’s rented an apartment in the suburbs. Well done, Bambi. You go, girl.
I wonder if she had forgotten me or if she has already gotten over me. Because I don’t think I will ever get over her.
My office door opens, and Ryan walks in. I dim the phone screen so he doesn’t see what I’m looking at. “Don’t you ever knock?”
“Since when do I have to knock?” He sits down in the chair in front of me. “Or were you planning to fuck someone here?” He looks around as if looking for where I hid a woman. “It will do you good to start fucking again. It’s been a long time.”
“Concentrate on your own fucking.”
“Don’t worry about me. The pregnancy makes Maya so horny.” He smirks, and I frown in mock disgust.
But truly, I’m happy for him. I was afraid that the miscarriage would destroy them. Those were difficult days. But Maya got pregnant again easily, and their relationship is everything one could hope for. For a moment, I thought it could happen to me too, but I realize now that those were false hopes. Such happiness is not my destiny.
