Page 91 of Vicious Arrangement
“He was jealous of the things Mom never did—jealous because he did them. He’d hurt her if she interfered with his beating me. And when he’d done too much, he’d starve me, not let me go to school.
“Asher and his dad put a stop to that, they’d come by, concerned about my health and how much school I’d be missing, Asher would bring homework. He knew, I’m sure he told his parents as the cops came more often so he moved back to hurting Mom.
“He’d do it to her worse if I tried to stop him.” He swallows. “I’m pretty sure he abused her sexually. There was one time I remember when I had to call an ambulance. Her legs… so much blood.”
He falls silent for a long time. “I don’t know if she was pregnant and tried to abort it, or if he did something to her. All I know is the beating she got for not being able to have children anymore hurt me too badly. She then told him, and he wouldn’t have a bloodline.”
I wipe my tears and swallow down a sob.
“Sometimes we tried to run, but he got us, and one time Grandfather brought us back. They talked for a long time, and after that, she… she had a secret case for us, hidden. We were going to run, but she had to time it, and she said if something happened, if he found out or hurt her so badly she couldn’t get up to stay hidden. Not to come out.
“She has a space that he couldn’t find, and we’d practice me hiding.”
He lets out a breath.
“I told you about how the cops finally came and he killed himself after killing her, but… I was practicing one day when he came home in a rage. He’d found out we were planning to run, and it must have been soon. He killed her. I knew it. Because where she landed, I could see her staring, empty eyes. And then he hunted me, screaming how he’d kill me next and then himself and… well, after twenty-four hours, he did it. Killed himself rather than go to prison.
“And I went to my grandfathers. The man who hated me, blamed me for it all.”
“I’m sure?—”
“No. The man was cold and cruel to me. Nothing was good enough, nothing. I’m guessing he was scared I took after my father.”
The man was afraid his murderous, abusive son would have a child that only took after him and not the mother, not the old man, or anyone else?
My heart aches. It wants to break.
I can’t let it, because I think Noah’s heart is broken enough for both of us. He needs support and love like Asher gives. He needs the kind only I can give, too.
“But the thing is, maybe Oscar was right to think that. Because it scares me senseless, that thought. What if I am like my father? And when I lash out, I think I might be?—”
“No.” I turn and hold him tight. “You’re not. The fact you worry tells me you’re not. You’ve never hurt me or abused me.”
“I’ve talked about whips, and I’ve spanked you.”
“In sex play. A part of why you’re a dominant is to gain control. You want to own your fears, and a light spanking is hot. Talking about whips doesn’t make you an abuser. It’s talk. I’ll buy you a whip to go with your velvet suit. You’re not him in anyway.”
“But what if I am? What if?—”
“You screw up as a father?” I laugh. “It’s guaranteed, and I’ll screw up as a mother, too. Everyone does. It’s called being human. But I already know you’ll be a fantastic father because look at how amazing you are with Josh.”
He doesn’t answer, just brushes a kiss on my lips and the top of my head, holding me close. I listen to the slow beat of his heart as calm washes over me, and my eyes get heavy. The last thing I remember before slipping into sleep is this is where I belong.
Here, in Noah’s arms.
Chapter Twenty-Four
NOAH
A baby.
The thought seeps down into me and I try it on, not exactly sure how I feel.
The fact I’ve made something with her, this woman who’s so under my skin I’m a certified crazy person when I’m near her, or thinking of her, is so… incredible and frightening that emotions come at me from all directions.
A baby.
And it’s not until I get up and go to my home gym to work out that I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror that I notice I’m smiling.
