Page 51 of Vicious Arrangement
Asher:Dude. No one under fifty calls anyone. You’re not even thirty. Luddite.
Me:You’re lazy.
Asher.Working single dad. What’s your excuse?
Me:bored rich kid. What are you up to?
Asher:don’t you have a wife to hassle.
Me:Did this morning.
Asher.Hawt.
Now who’s the asshole? Me:What’s Josh up to? I like him better.
Asher:going to bed. You’re a bad influence. But come on over.
Me:see you soon.
I stop and buy some of Josh’s favorite candy, a spiderman cake at a bodega that’s got to be ninety percent chemicals and then I go into the liquor store and get Red Brest whiskey and Black Dirt bourbon.
And back to the bodega for their ugliest bouquet of flowers.
When I finally arrive at Asher’s doorstep, I give him the flowers. “For you.”
“Are these ugly? Or ugly cute? Or cute? They look ugly. I’m not a girl, and they’re weird. Josh will think they’re the best. Thanks.”
I follow him in and set down my gifts. He shudders at the cake and puts it in the candy cupboard because neither of us thinks it’s going to go off. He takes the bottles, holding them up.
“Whiskey or bourbon night?”
“Host’s choice,” I say.
“I’m a whiskey man.”
He pours us both a healthy glass and takes the bottle as we go into his living room. I sink onto the sofa, gulping down my drink like I’m parched, and then I refill my glass.
“That bad or good?”
I just eye him and clink my glass to his, and we both take a swallow.
He turns his glass in his hand. “So,” he says from the other sofa, “how’s married life?”
And then the fucker smirks.
Hell, he knows me too well.
“Fucking dandy,” I mutter, swigging my drink and topping it up.
He nods slowly. “I can tell.” Then he leans forward and says, “Is that why you’re here looking like you’re aiming to get hammered, instead of being at home with the delightful Mrs. Templeton?”
I eye him with even more dislike.
He just grins wider. “I know, I know, my company’s wonderful, the bee’s knees or as Josh says, the beebenee. I’m guessing he heard it somewhere because it isn’t a phrase I use. Anyway, I know I’m delightful, even without Joshy to enhance the evening, but I have to ask. You’re here and not home, and everything, according to you ,is dandy. So… does she really hate you that much?”
“No. She doesn’t. At least I don’t think so.” I think about it, then sigh, sitting back and lifting my drink. “I just can’t be around her without wanting to fuck her senseless. She’s irresistible. And get this… she’s funny.”
“Good god. Divorce her immediately.”
