Page 98 of Vicious Arrangement
I fucked another thing up.Maybe I should be Captain Fuck Up.
I want to laugh, but it’s not funny, and without Aria in the room with me, it’s pathetic.
She’s gone to bed because I couldn’t let her in. I wanted to. But I was tangled, lost, trying to sort it all out, and she’s delicate, so I got tied up in knots, and every time I spoke, I said the wrong thing until I was mad and then kept saying all the wrong things all the time.
There’s a text from Asher, but I don’t even feel like responding to that, because I guess I’m still stinging from the lunch we had that day, where he told me not to screw up the best thing that’s happened to me.
It’s nothing new, and I get it’s said with love, but I don’t have to like it, do I?
Besides, I just screwed up all over again, and that’s really not what I need to concentrate on. Not my screw-up, not Asher’s words, but this Aaron guy.
I rub my temple. I’ve got a PI, one I use for corporate things and the occasional woman who’s come after me when that one night didn’t morph into more.
I’ve had the odd girl claim pregnancy, but I’m very particular, and I don’t ever go in without protection.
“Except with Aria.”
Yeah, she’s the one exception.
I could say the marriage is the reason, but I know it’s not. There’s something else that made me not even think about it, not once. I never even asked if she was on the pill, either.
Getting her knocked up wasn’t ever on my mind. I just…
Wanted her.
Lame, I know, but I stick with that, I stick with losing my head.
I scroll through my phone and call Devon, my PI.
“Hey, if I give you a name, can you get me everything on this guy?”
“Sure thing, Noah,” he says. “Fast or slow?”
That usually means meticulous with added fees or meticulous over time. I don’t care about the cost. “As fast as you can. If you need to drop something else, I’ll pay.”
“You got it. What’s the name?”
I take a breath and tell him, giving him the details I know, which admittedly aren’t many.
“I’ll get back to you when I have something. Sit tight.”
When I hang up, I sit back in my chair and rub my eyes. I’ve already run a search on my computer, but I didn’t find anything. But I also didn’t look hard. It’s easy for certain people to put up fake profiles or pepper the web with information they want someone to see.
And… I don’t want to know about him.
Or didn’t.
I’m a busy fucking man, so I’ll take what Devon finds and then I’ll proceed. I don’t want any surprises.
I fetch a bottle of bourbon, the Black Dirt I like, and proceed to work and have a drink. There’s a vibration in the air, like Devon’s going to get back to me tonight. And I want to make sure I’m not just ready for tomorrow, I’ve got the following day under my belt, too.
Three hours in, and I’m doing good.
My mind slips to Aria and the baby. But I start to shake from how huge it all is, how tangled up in her in ways I didn’t expect, and how the baby’s going to change our lives.
There’s hope and fear and?—
I push them away. I need to fucking focus, so I pour another drink and continue working.
