Page 2 of Damian & Jun: Episodes 5-8
Jun blinked. He stopped, staring at some point on the pillow, his hands touching Damian’s but his eyes avoiding contact. “Yohei, Geun, Jaewoong, and Su-jin safe. Mi Hi and Gigi, too. I want to keep being able to see you.”
Jun’s fingers tightened around Damian’s hand, the only thing that stopped Damian from protesting. Jun asked for so little.
I want to do so much more than see you. I want you with me forever.
Jun let out a breath. He pushed away and sat up against the head of the bed, drawing his knees up to his chest. “You have a life here. I mean, I always knew you had one, but you really have one. What…” Jun had to swallow twice, but he lifted his chin and looked Damian straight in the eye to finish, “what do you see—between us?”
“Everything I said by the river–none of that’s changed.”
Jun blinked hard, looking away. “I didn’t realize just how…settled you were. I knew you had people. You really have…people. You have a home.”
“I do.”
“I’m…I’m not part of it. I can’t ask you to give this up.” He motioned toward the door and the rest of The Residency.
Damian held himself back from dragging Jun into his arms. “None of us were a part of it until we were.”
Jun’s hands flexed as if he were grabbing at something that wasn’t there. “You want me here with them. You want me to be a part of this.”
“Here or in Seoul or somewhere else, I want you.”
“They don’t know me.”
“They will.”
“You barely know me.”
It was like going back in time and seeing himself. Damian sat up and faced Jun. There had been so many points when he hadn’t believed in better himself, when he hadn’t thought he could have more. That look—that fear of believing on Jun’s face—was as familiar as the back of his own hand.
“I’ve had two years to know you. I’ve stalked you everywhere there was something about you. Every TV appearance, every concert, every comeback and release.” He pressed his palm to Jun’s, their fingers sliding together. “What I don’t know are the tiny stories. I know you like the mochi Yohei brings you from his hometown and that you hate American eggplant. I know how your eyes close and your shoulders release in a warm bath. I don’t know what you do after a long day to unwind. I know you draw beautiful calligraphy, but I don’t know what books you like to read.”
Jun brought his other palm up, the one with the bandage, and covered the back of Damian’s hand. “And I know you speak beautiful Korean, but I don't know why. I know you love Richard, but I also know you love me, and I don’t understand. I know what your hand feels like, but I don’t know what you wear when you’re not at work.”
Damian carefully folded his fingers through Jun’s “We have holes.”
Jun nodded.
“Can I close one of them?”
Jun nodded again.
Damian climbed off the bed and offered Jun his palm. “I believe I promised to show you my bed. We shouldn’t sleep there with the mattress so soft, but I can show you my room at least.”
Jun smiled hesitantly. “I can’t show you mine.”
“Was your dorm something you would have chosen?”
Jun paused, cocked his head, then shook it. “I’m not even sure what I would make of a room of my own, like a real one.”
“Then that’s something we can both discover.”
Damian led Jun through the living room and down the hallways to his room. He pushed the door open, hoping it was relatively clean. When leaving for the estate before the Winter Solstice, he’d been exhausted and only focused on getting what was needed and leaving. And then, on the way to O’Hare, he hadn’t gone in at all. Still hadn’t opened the door since arriving back from Seoul.
Damian’s was the only bedroom in the apartment without an exterior window. Richard and Émeric had worried about that at first, but Damian had been pleased with it. It had felt safe, like a cave. Now, though, as he opened the door for Jun, he winced internally. The place was a total bachelor pad. It wasn’t something to bring a significant other into, let alone a submissive. Nothing about the room said he was ready to take on responsibility for another person. There wasn’t any space for another person.
Personal space had been an afterthought for years. He didn’t need anything more than a place to keep his things and sleep. And he didn’t even have to do that in this room. There was a twin-size bed in Richard and Émeric’s room for him if he wanted it. Half his clothes were at his office so he could change midday or between events or even leave for the airport at a moment's notice. He had a storage locker for valuable things he’d collected over the years in the building’s basement and a badass room at the country estate that he’d decorated over the years though he was only there every few months. When he had scenes with Richard or anyone else, they had a playroom down the hall or played in one of the other rooms of The Residency. There had never been a lover he’d brought home. For all the friends he had and dates he’d been on, nothing had ever gone that far.
Damian stepped back and let Jun look his fill.
