Page 60 of Damian & Jun: Episodes 1-4
Naked, Damian slid an arm around his waist and drew him into the shower. It was a bit tight, but the space was clearly designed with westerners in mind. Damian adjusted the water and drew Jun in against his chest.
They stood there for what felt like eons and no time at all, just breathing, the sound of Damian’s heartbeat and the falling water all Jun could hear. His skin tingled. The temperature went from almost too hot to merely warm. Damian turned up the heat and reached for the soap. Jun reached for it as well. They washed each other in silence, moving together. They hadn’t had many showers together, maybe five, but this was a dance they both knew, at least a little.
The towels were soft, clean, and warm. Jun fell onto the bed, tugging Damian down after him.
“I have to get the food.”
“Not yet, please.” Jun rolled toward Damian. They were both still wrapped in the towels, still damp. It didn’t matter. He just needed to lie there for a moment and feel that Damian was there. That he was there.
In time, there was a small chime. Damian extracted himself, pulled on a pair of boxers and the hotel robe, and went out.
Jun rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Damian was like a drug. He made the ground feel firmer under his feet and the sun feel more illuminating. After years of shadows, the sense of being awake that he had around Damian seemed unreal.
The story of the dreamer that his mother had told him when he was little flittered through his memories. A man, his mother had explained as they walked along the boardwalk toward the Seattle Aquarium along the Puget Sound, had been sleeping. In his sleep, he dreamed he was a butterfly. When he woke up, he remembered being the butterfly. But was he the butterfly dreaming of being a man, or was he a man dreaming of being a butterfly? Who was to say which was true?
“Mama, but what if both are true?”
“What do you mean, Xiao Jùn?” She smiled down at him.
“What if when he’s sleeping he goes somewhere and he’s a butterfly there? And then when the butterfly sleeps, he runs back really quick to the man part and he wakes up and is a man?”
She laughed, her eyes sparkling as bright as the sun on the salt water lapping against the sidewalk.
“What if? You’re so clever. My little congming haizi!”
Jun had giggled.
Am I the butterfly or the man? Is Damian the dream or the truth? Or are both true?
What if there was no way to tell?
His mother’s words floated back to him through the years. “Whether you are the butterfly or the man, you exist.”
“I like butterflies.” Jun grinned up as his mother and swung their clasped hands back and forth, enjoying her fingers wrapped around his. “I could go everywhere.”
“Butterflies are beautiful creatures.”
“Do butterflies dream, Mama?”
“Maybe they do.”
“Then maybe I’m a butterfly!” Jun crowed and pulled his hand free from hers to flap his arms, doing ballet steps down the sidewalk, pirouetting.
I’m the butterfly and the man, Mama. Jun reached for the jade Buddha. It was nowhere on him. His heartbeat doubled in time. He rolled off the bed and rushed into the bathroom.
It was right there on the counter beside Damian’s phone. He hadn’t even realized Damian had taken it off of him and kept it safe.
He gripped it in his hand and sagged against the frame for the bathroom door. He really did trust Damian, didn’t he?
The door opened, and Damian pushed in the dinner cart, the smell of fresh pizza swirling into the room. Jun’s stomach growled. He hurried back to the bed and threw himself down on it. Damian smiled at him and arranged the cart at the end of the bed, lifting the lid off the pizza and arranging two plates on the cart.
“Let me put down a towel, and we can eat on the bed.”
He put actions to the words, lost the robe, and joined Jun on top the covers. Jun rolled over on his back next to Damian’s leg and waited. Damian fussed with the dishes, and Jun lost himself in stroking the hair on Damian’s thigh.
“Do you want to sit up?”
Jun shook his head. Why would he want to sit up? Everything was peaceful and warm and safe right where he was. Any movement might shatter the moment.
