Page 89 of Cowboy Seeks Husband
At least he could be sure Walker wasn’t out with Mike right now either, since Mike had joined in on the horseshoe game and been sent out to the tents, too. Roan covered his eyes with his free hand, clutching the cold and empty mug against his chest. He didn’t want to feel this jealousy, didn’t want to feel attracted to Walker, and didn’t want to feel ashamed of how he was wired sexually. He hadn’t counted onlikingWalker and couldn’t give in to it. They had no future, no chance, and it was unfair of him to make Walker think they did. He took a shuddery breath.
He had to get home to his mom.
He suddenly missed her like she was already gone with an intensity that made him put his mug on the porch deck and hunch over his arms wrapped around his chest. Raw, gaping, empty pain filled him up inside. He needed to go home.
He couldn’t do this anymore. He shouldn’t. Walker deserved better.
Roan waited until the next morning, after everyone came back from what had proven to be a miserable overnight in the tents, then cornered Molly who was going through her phone in the living room. Mike gave him a curious look, but Roan completely ignored him.
“I want to go home.”
Molly raised an eyebrow. “Say what now?”
“I want to go home. I need to be with my mom.”
A flicker of uncharacteristic concern flashed over Molly’s gaze. “Is she worse? Has there been a call I don’t know about?”
“No. But I know she’s not getting any better, and I haven’t talked to her in so long.” He scratched at his arms anxiously. “I need to go home.”
Molly’s expression hardened, and her eyes narrowed. “How about this—we let you make one phone call to her. On camera, obviously. With Walker listening—”
“No.”
“No? That was a incredibly generous offer.”
“One you made because you want to use my mom’s illness for drama, and I’m not doing that. I want to see her. I want to go home.”
Molly took a long, slow breath, and then said tightly, “Then let me put it plainly, hipster boy. This is week four. It clearly states in your contract that if you leave voluntarily before the fourth week, and/or on any terms Andy and I don’t agree with, you don’t get paid.” Molly pointed a pen at him. “We don’t agree with these terms. Got it?”
Roan gritted his teeth.
The Bluetooth device began to blink red in her ear. “Think carefully, Roan,” she said, then walked away, tapping her earpiece and barking, “Make it quick.”
He stared after his, his gut churning. Rubbing his hands over his face, he headed back out to the porch to stare into the fields, dread pouring through his veins like the rain from the sky.
“I don’t know what to do,” he whispered. “Tell me what to do, Mom. I’m so confused right now.”
The sky opened up and the rain came down in sheets, clattering against the tin of the porch roof and shooting out from the gutters. A few tears slipped down Roan’s cheeks. He wiped them with the back of his hand, lifted his chin, and turned to go back inside.
Roan fingered thelong part of his black hair into shape, giving a curl a tug so it flopped over his forehead. He smoothed his shirt down and tugged at the Bordeaux velour jacket. His black pants looked pretty much painted on. He’d brought this outfit in case he made it to the final couple of episodes, but…
Well.
“Showtime ladies!” one of the crew yelled down the hall.
“Ready?” Chad asked him.
Roan tried to smile. “Sure.”
“Hey. You nervous? You know you have nothing to be nervous about, right?” Chad looked good. He wore a V-neck cashmere sweater in baby blue and it made his smile sparkle. It was a bit weird to be honest, because he was the only one who didn’t seem to care whether he got to spend any time with Walker or not. Roan had seen him play it up for the camera a few times, but Chad was different—like with that weird kiss Walker had given him. Why was Chad really here? They’d never talked about it.
“Actually, I’ve been thinking—” Roan began, then clammed up when Mike wandered into the bedroom from the bathroom wearing only a towel. Why on earth did he have to be staying with them? And why had he chosen Roan’s room, instead of the one across the hall?
“Hey, y’all,” he said, giving Roan a big wink. Like he knew all his secrets. He did that constantly, and it drove Roan insane. He gritted his teeth as he fought down an embarrassed flush. Mike went on, “If it isn’t my stiffest competition. Looking good, Roan.”
“You too,” Roan grumbled.
“Hey, man,” Chad said when Mike greeted him too, like Mike wasn’t dripping wet and showing off his big, muscled chest. Walker’s ex showing up hadn’t thrown Chad for a loop at all. Chad turned his attention back to Roan. “You were saying?”
