Page 64 of Cowboy Seeks Husband
Chapter 11
“Iwant toask you something.”
Walker sank back in the deep couch of the screened-in porch and uncrossed his arms. The horseshoe ceremony was over, and Walker wanted nothing more than to find Roan and make some kind of plan to be alone with him. He wanted to know the guy better, and the damn cameras weren’t helping anything at all. He thought he’d figured something out, but before he could find Roan and float the idea, he’d been corralled by producers and dragged to shoot a private conversation with Ben.
Ben, who was fidgeting with the cuff of his shirt, a dark green thing that seemed to be on the verge of succumbing under the strain of Ben’s muscles, and who now wanted to ask him something. The way Ben’s voice quavered, it sounded ominous. “Shoot,” Walker said.
“It’s a weird question.”
Walker’s brows drew down a little. “Okay, weird is fine.”
Ben glanced at the cameras and grimaced. If he was wishing for them to not be there, Walker could relate. “What’s it like? Being with a guy?”
Walker’s eyebrows flew up, and he leaned forward trying to catch Ben’s gaze. Ben sat beside him on the couch but they were both tucked away in opposite corners, and now that he’d asked his question, Ben’s eyes were anywhere but on Walker’s. “I thought you said you’d hooked up before.”
The edges of Ben’s jaw began to turn a blotchy red, like paint mixing in water. “A couple of times, but—I don’t know. It always left me feeling…” He shrugged, looking so uncomfortable Walker felt sorry for him.
“Unsatisfied?” Walker tried. “Maybe a bit unsure if that was really what you wanted?”
Ben slowly nodded. “Yeah, I think so. Maybe.”
“Look, I don’t know you very well. But you got a girl pregnant and did the right thing, didn’t you?”
“I don’t know about that,” Ben mumbled.
“Well, you could’ve left her to deal with the baby herself, and you didn’t. No matter how your marriage ended, I’m sure she was grateful for the support when she needed it most.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“And you stayed and tried to make the marriage work for as long as you could. I don’t know anything about your family situation, or how your relationship was while you were together, but that takes a dedication and commitment I don’t think you’d find in the kind of man who’s okay with hookups in a dirty alley. My guess is you’re not feeling it because you need to have your heart involved for the sex to be good.”
Ben turned so red Walker had to suppress a laugh. “Jesus. I thought you cowboys were all supposed to be repressed and shit.”
“What can I say? I grew up with hippy parents who taught me very early on to listen carefully before bursting through any closed door.” Walker paused. “In the house or any of the barns.”
Ben gaped at him. “I’m so sorry.”
Barking out a surprised laugh, Walker patted Ben’s leg. “It wasn’t all bad. I’ve seen some guys struggle with being gay, and it ain’t pretty. Listen, you need to date a guy for real a few times, have that first kiss, date a bit more, then think over how you’d feel about sleeping with him. You deserve someone who treats you right.”
“Usually I’m expected to do the treating.”
“It’s a two-way street.”
Ben nodded slowly. “So how many dates would you recommend before that first kiss?”
Bless his heart, Ben the hunk was so naïve and so nervous. “It depends on the situation. If you have a really good first date, and you’re both feeling it, go for it. I tend to wait until the second date.” He paused, remembering his first date with Mike where the dinner had been a thrum of sexual tension from the very first minute, and they’d barely made it to one of the barns before Mike had knocked his hat off his head and kissed him breathless. “But yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Whatever feels right for the both of you.”
“How many dates have we been on?” Ben asked quietly. He scooted closer.
“Oh. I—”
Ben’s big paw traveled up Walker’s leg. His hand was shaking, and he looked terrified.
Walker put his own over it and stopped its ascent. “Ben, you don’t have to.”
Ben let out a shuddery breath. “I do,” he whispered.
“Hey now, give yourself a break. One step at a time, okay?” Walker gently cupped his face. It felt rough against his palm, the scratch of stubble a subtle tease. “How about a hug instead?” He was so close, Walker could see the gray striations in Ben’s blue eyes.
