Page 102 of Cowboy Seeks Husband
Chapter 19
Walker tried tobreathe as evenly as he could while he paid the barest attention to a soppy romance develop on the small TV. The living room was cozy. In fact, it reminded him a little of home, with its worn chintz couches and the slightly faded curtains. Their new barn might look like it belonged in a magazine, but the farmhouse still was the way it had been when his grandma lived there. Maybe now that his parents had their own place, he’d slowly start to add some modern touches to the old house too.
Roan’s place was a little chilly—especially compared to what Walker was used to—but the blanket and Roan’s proximity kept him warm. He felt every whuff of Roan’s breath against his stomach and smiled at the little snuffling sounds Roan made in his sleep.
He’d started out nodding at the TV, unable to keep his eyes open. Then his head had drooped on Walker’s shoulder, until he’d eventually slipped down. Walker had stretched out a little to accommodate him and now Roan’s thick black hair, stark against his white shirt, looked like an invitation he couldn’t resist. Carefully he moved the strands from Roan’s forehead, brow furrowing at the deep, bruise-like half-moons under Roan’s eyes. The need to protect him, to take care of him, surged through Walker until it became almost a palpable thing. He had to breathe through it, or he’d hug Roan tight and never let go. His face twisted at the thought of Roan all alone here, day in and day out, in this empty house.
“Come with me,” he whispered. “There’s plenty of room for you on my farm.”
Roan didn’t hear him; he slept on peacefully and so solidly Walker wondered how long it’d been since he’d found some real rest. When Roan didn’t wake, Walker kept carding his fingers through his hair and settled a little deeper into the couch. He wished the circumstances of his visit were different, but he couldn’t deny the soft, warm feeling burrowing in his chest as he allowed himself to just be with Roan.
When the movie ended, Walker turned the TV off, and oddly enough it was the lack of noise that woke up Roan.
“Mom?” He put his hand on Walker’s stomach and sat.
“No, little lion,” Walker said, his heart hurting. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” Roan hung his head for a second, then noticed their position. “Oh! I fell asleep on you.”
“It’s okay. Looked like you needed it. And I enjoyed having you close.” Maybe that was too forward, but Walker didn’t feel like pretending.
Roan blinked, mouth parting in surprise, then reached for Walker’s hand and held it between both of his. He had his legs tucked underneath him, and he pretty much disappeared in the oversized hoodie. He looked so huggable Walker hardly knew what to do with himself. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly. “How did you even find out?”
“Andy told me. Molly had called to find out if they could do a little follow up on—”
Roan shook his head hard. “No, they got all the pieces of me they’re going to get for now.”
“I understand that. Did you not talk to Molly?”
“No. She must have gotten hold of Lindsay when she called. She was here a lot during and right after. I’m a little surprised she’s not here right now, actually.” He laughed.
“I think she knows I’m here with you. But, thank God for her,” Walker said softly. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you, Roan.”
“Did you want to be?”
Walker twisted his hand and dovetailed their fingers together. “I’m here now, aren’t I?”
Roan nodded, mouth curling in a sad smile as he gently stroked his thumb against the palm of Walker’s hand. It tickled in a shivery way. “Yes, you are. I can’t really believe it. I’m sorry I didn’t try to reach out to you. It was all just…too much.”
Walker tugged on Roan’s hand and hauled him closer, giving him that hug he’d been aching for. “You can’t believe I’m here? Why wouldn’t I be here?”
“I thought for sure you’d pick Mike.”
“Mike?” Walker gave him a startled look. “No. No way. There isn’t anyone I want but you.” Roan stared at him with such a vulnerable, soft expression, his eyes tightening at the corners, Walker couldn’t stand it. “Roan…” he whispered, but he didn’t get any further because Roan closed the distance between them and kissed him.
The kiss startedwhisper-soft, like the touch of butterfly wings. Roan eased back a little, and Walker opened his eyes, not quite knowing when they’d drifted shut. Walker searched Roan’s face, looking for clues. “Are you sure this is okay?” he whispered.
“Yes,” Roan said. He kissed Walker again, a little harder this time, their lips sticking together until Roan wet them. The touch of Roan’s tongue was electricity in his veins and Walker shivered as it charged through him. He moaned when Roan leaned back again, followed for a second, then thought better of it. Roan needed to be in charge for this.
“My mom would have loved you, you know?”
Walker’s eyebrows flew up as he let out a startled laugh. “What?”
Roan’s cheeks pinked. “I just wish she could’ve met you. If only once—” He turned away, face twisting, trying to hide his pain.
“You don’t have to hide from me,” Walker whispered, pulling him close again. He ran his hands over Roan’s back, then slipped them beneath the thick hoodie. He’d been thin before, but now his shoulder blades stuck out like sharp wings. “You never have to hide anything from me.”
Roan tugged himself free, then climbed into Walker’s lap and kissed him wildly. It stunned Walker for a second, but then he gripped Roan’s shoulders and kissed back, sweet and hard and agonizingly perfect. He couldn’t remember ever kissing someone like this, fitting together like lock and key.
