Page 33 of Potions & Pints
The remaining crew were cheering, laughing into each other’s faces with sheer relief. Even the sickly captain and first mate were smiling from where they sat slumped against the ship’s railings.
Garu, Sori, and Ogen, however, were still wearing frowns and Tan got the distinct feeling they were aimed squarely at him. He took a deep breath, deciding that facing the orc’s ire was still better than dealing with whatever else was going on in him at the moment.
“What?” he asked sullenly, awaiting whatever it was that was coming. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed that Vir and Pili were no longer hugging though, and that bolstered him some.
The orcs stepped a little closer.
“Seems someone’s true colors really came out during that close call,” grumbled Garu, shooting Tan a dirty look.
Tan’s heart sank. He knew he’d let the crew down. He was supposed to be a pirate, a captain in his own right, a sailor and a smuggler. But it was only by Pili’s grace that they’d made it out at all. Not only that but he guessed that, as far as the orcs were concerned, he’d insulted their lyre-playing and relegated them to certain death in the Heaving Sea.
He supposed he’d be angry too, in their position.
“You were very willing to leave us for dead there,” Sori commented, as the three joined Tan at the helm.
“Happy to sacrifice the orcs, as usual,” grunted Garu.
“If you remember correctly though,” he reasoned, still none too eager for anything more than a tongue-lashing. “I would have died too.”
The orcs looked at each other upon realization this was true, muttering under their breaths. For a moment Tan thought that maybe that would be the end of the discussion but then Ogen turned to him, a strange look coming into his eyes.
“That’s true,” said the orc thoughtfully, a single green finger tipped beneath his chin. “The fact you were willing to save your boyfriend instead of yourself does show some character.”
The three of them muttered their approval, at first reluctant but then hearty, deciding it was an admirable move after all. Even if it meant the rest of them would have died a watery death.
This second part, Tan barely heard. Instead, the word ‘boyfriend’ blared in his mind like the loudest foghorn, screaming over every other thought, every other word.
“At least it proves you can think of someone other than yourself,” Garu was saying, but Tan couldn’t look at him. His eyes were glued to Vir, searching the orc’s face while his own chest heaved again with too many feelings for him to name. Most of them he couldn’t even bring himself to touch.
The look on Vir’s face appeared almost strained, the muscles around his mouth twitching in a way Vir hadn’t seen before. Was it a look of anxiety? Discomfort? Suppressed happiness? Disgust?
Tan couldn’t bear to look at the orc any longer, terrified of what he might find there if he looked too hard. Instead, he shifted his gaze to Pili and found the water elf’s expression much easier to read: thoughtful.
Tan imagined his own face held something of the same expression, mixed perhaps with shock or panic or some such thing. The thought of it was suddenly too much and he looked away, turning his attention instead to the woodgrain running the length of the boards beneath his feet.
He noticed a slight chip in one of them and rubbed the toe of his boot along it, hoping that if he did that long enough, people might move on to other topics and leave him and his brewing thoughts alone.
Absentmindedly, he slipped his hands into his trouser pockets, only to be met with the smooth surface of the moonstone again. It was another thought to latch onto and suddenly he was striding towards Pili, eyes straight ahead, leaving one of the orcs to take the wheel in his stead.
With one hand still in his pocket, he used the other to pull the water elf aside and break up the circle.
“How did you get this exactly?” he muttered to Pili, pulling the stone out of his pocket as he did so.
Despite the relief that had washed over the ship in the aftermath of their survival, Tan saw there was still a shade of mistrust in Pili’s eyes. He wished he could say something, wished he could convince the water elf that he hadn’t betrayed the people of Laeve Taesi, but he didn’t get the chance to try.
His thoughts were broken by Pili’s response. His words were accompanied by a smirk that set Tan’s heart beating frantically all over again.
“You’re not the only one around here that’s capable of taking things,” Pili said and Tan could tell he wasn’t going to give up much more than that.
But the words burnt bitterly in Tan’s heart. He hated to think there was more to Pili’s answer than just what appeared at face value. He wanted to find out somehow but couldn’t bring himself to ask. In any case, he wouldn’t have had the chance even if he did.
“Land ho!” came a call from far above them. One of the crew had climbed back up the mast and was waving frantically ahead, shouting the words all of them desperately wanted to hear after their brush with death.
Tan peered across the now-calm sea and far, far in the distance caught glimpse of a shadow upon the horizon. He knew it must be Gamlin Ait but wasn’t sure the lookout’s celebration was warranted.
Pili broke Tan’s hold on his shoulder, rushing ahead to the bow to get a closer look at the island. Tan knew he’d seen it before. Of course he had, these were his home waters. This was just a convenient excuse to end their conversation, Tan was sure of it.
As the ship sailed ever closer to the westernmost island of men, Tan felt the shadow on his heart grow darker and thicker.
