Page 81 of Mafiosa
‘I—I don’t know,’ I hedged. ‘All of it?’
Valentino smiled – it was quick and sudden, like a light being switched on. ‘I don’t want to make this even more excruciating for you, Sophie.’
‘You don’t?’
‘No,’ he said, bemused. ‘Why would I?’
‘I thought you’d be mad.’
Valentino shrugged. ‘I’m not in the habit of getting in the way of someone’s romantic inclinations.’
‘Oh.’
‘Your happiness is your own to navigate…’ He paused,swallowed, and then added, ‘Luca’s happiness is his own.’
‘So we’re not in trouble?’ I asked, feeling a little bit like I was being set up.
Valentino smiled at me again, a hint of his yellowing teeth winking through. ‘For falling in love?’ Heat crawled into my cheeks. ‘No,’ he said quietly, answering his own question. ‘You’re not in trouble.’
I lifted my brows. ‘So, then…’
‘You’re wondering why you’re here?’ He gestured to the hallway behind me. ‘I thought you might want a few moments of composure, away from the fighting and the arguing, not to mention my uncle’s endless propensity for other people’s drama.’
‘Thank you,’ I said, letting my guard down just a little. ‘I appreciate the reprieve.’
‘Did you think I wouldn’t be sympathetic? That I wouldn’t understand?’ he asked me.
His voice had gone a little funny. We were in uncharted waters, and all I knew for certain was that Valentino was sad about something. I couldn’t guess at what it was; there was a wall between us, and he was keeping it there, deliberately.
‘I don’t know,’ I told him quietly. ‘You always seem so…’
‘Cold,’ he finished for me.
‘Yes,’ I admitted.
He nodded contemplatively. ‘I’m not cruel, Sophie. I’m intelligent. I use my intelligence in a way that is unencumbered by emotion or affect, and so to others it seems cold.Iseem cold. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t know the value of love, or how precious it is, or how unlikely it is that Luca has found it at all. I am not cold,’ he repeated. ‘Despite themask I wear.’
‘You wear it a little too well, I think.’ I was still searching for the person underneath it. I had never seen him act so human, so relatable. I never thought he would be that way with me.
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘I’ve been wearing it far longer than the others.’
I traced a pattern on my jeans, too shy to look at him, as I said, ‘I didn’t mean to make such a mess… with Nic and Luca. I just… I couldn’t help it.’
Was I really talking about making out with Luca directly to his twin brother who was also the boss of our entire Mafia family?
Yep.
Valentino steepled his fingers in front of his mouth. ‘For someone who has waded through so much violence and hate, and had her world tipped upside down and all those she loves fall out of it, I think your decision to open your heart to love is a commendable one. You know, it is braver to love when hate is the easier option. Impassivity is an easy mask to wear, but it takes the most out of you.’
‘Don’t you think it makes you vulnerable?’ I asked. Wasn’t that why I had been hiding my desire for Luca all this time, trying to stamp it down, trying to ignore it?
‘Yes,’ said Valentino. ‘But allowing yourself to be vulnerable does not make you weak, it makes you strong. It makes you brave. And most importantly, it gives you more to live for.’ He made the shape of a gun with his thumb and forefinger, and pointed it at an imaginary target behind me. ‘It is hardest to kill the man who has the most to live for.’ He took a pretendshot. ‘The empty, the soulless, the hate-filled enemies drop like flies. Those who love, and love hard, are the ones left standing.’
‘Well, damn,’ I said, smiling. ‘I forgot how wise you are.’
Valentino’s laugh was a lilting melody. ‘I think too much, Sophie. It’s not always a good thing.’
It was infinitely harder to dislike or mistrust Valentino when I was on the same side as him. Here he was – funny, charming, empathetic and interesting, everything I thought he wasn’t. It was as if gaining Luca’s affection had loosened Valentino up too. He was showing me a sliver of who he really was. In the end, they weren’t all that different from one another.
