Page 14 of Inferno
He raised his hands, palms facing outwards. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’m breaking all the rules.’
‘The only rule,’ I hissed back, conscious not to speak too loudly and wake my mother. Since she hadn’t shooed him out of the garden already, she wasn’t downstairs.
‘Come down?’ he said, his eyebrows lifting.
‘What’s happened?’ I asked, the dregs of sleep leaving me. ‘Has someone been hurt?’ A sea of possibilities rushed through my mind.
‘No,’ he said, lowering his voice to a less audible whisper. ‘It’s nothing like that. No one is hurt.’
I could almost hear theyet inthe pause that followed.
‘Oh.’ I hadn’t realized how hard my heart had been thumping until it dulled again. ‘Then what is it? What’s going on?’
His smile was tight. ‘Can you just come down, please? I’m starting to feel self-conscious.’
I knew I shouldn’t. That was a no-brainer. But it’s hard to avoid something when it’s right in front of you…
‘Stop weighing it up, Sophie. Just come down, I have to talk to you.’
His expression, steeped in moonlight, held a level of anxiety I hadn’t come to associate with Nic. He was rattled. Something had happened.
‘Fine,’ I conceded, curiosity and something else – something mutinous – pushing me from the window. ‘But only to see that you’re all right.’
I grabbed the switchblade and shoved it in the pocket of my sweatpants. It settled me, and as I descended the stairs with light footfall I relaxed in the feeling of it thumping against my leg.
The night was surprisingly cold. Now that I was close to Nic I could see just how jumpy he really was. There were rims of darkness underneath his eyes, and he shuffled uncomfortably on his feet as we stood apart from one another.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked.
‘I miss you,’ he said in one long, heavy sigh. ‘I hate not knowing what you’re doing or if you’re OK… after everything that happened. It doesn’t feel right.’
The more I studied him, the more dishevelled he appeared. His hair was more messy than tousled, curling strands brushing across his forehead and dipping into hiseyes. There were days of stubble shadowing his jawline. ‘This is what we agreed,’ I said softly. ‘This is the right thing.’
The only thing.
‘I don’t like it, Sophie,’ he repeated. ‘There should be another way.’
How easily he could compartmentalize everything – separate the girl he wanted from the family she came from. For me, everything came in one big jumble. ‘There isn’t another way,’ I told him. ‘And if there was, it probably wouldn’t be the right one. You can’t just come around here, Nic. It makes it harder for both of us.’
He was scrutinizing me. Eventually he dropped his shoulders and his fists went limp at his sides. ‘So this is really what you want?’
I knew I should say ‘yes’, but somehow I couldn’t. ‘I don’t know,’ I told him truthfully. ‘I just know I don’t want to be afraid any more. I don’t want my mother to be afraid either…’
He nodded, a frown twisting on his lips. ‘But you’re not afraid of me.’
‘Maybe not of you,’ I said, feeling out my answer. ‘But I’m afraid of what you’ve done. Where you come from. You know that.’
He raked his hands through his hair. He seemed so out of it, so tired.
‘I’ve never seen you like this,’ I said, pulling back.
‘Stress,’ he said, exhaustion softening his voice. ‘I’m stressed.’
‘Stress?’ I repeated, studying him.
He raised his face towards the sky, to the blanket of starsthat stretched overhead. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Family stuff.’
‘And you never think about leaving it behind? For college? For normality?’For good?
