Page 73 of My Secret Duke
“You see, I was very unhappy at the time. My husband was more interested in his mistresses than me, and I already had my son, Harry, so I decided to seek my pleasures elsewhere. I even considered divorce. Niki’s grandfather said he would take me to his country if I ran away with him. He painted a lovely picture of us together in his castle, with the fire roaring and the snow falling outside. I found it all very… tempting.”
As the dowager reminisced, she looked younger and less tired. Knowing the difficult life she had had with her husband and then Harry, Olivia wondered why she had not left Grantham behind and run off with her true love. She almost asked the question, but her grandmother anticipated it.
“In the end, I decided I could not abandon my life, not after I had worked so hard to become the Duchess of Grantham. I had my son to consider too. I knew my husband would have been furious with me and would have taken steps to ensure I could never return. Did I really want to leave Harry in the hands of a disinterested father and possibly never see him again?” She smiled faintly. “You see, Olivia, when I married, I married the life of a duchess. Itwasmy life. So I stayed and let go of my dreams.”
Olivia imagined that turbulent time in her grandmother’s life. “Did you ever regret your choice?” sheasked quietly.
The dowager smiled. “Not at all. I am not one for regrets. I have lived my life as I chose, and he married someone far more suitable. It was a momentary madness that would probably have fizzled out and left us with no way of escape. Now I shudder to think of having been trapped in that castle.”
Olivia had felt the same when Nikolai described it to her. She took a deep breath. “I admire you so much, Grandmama. And I have tried to be like you, to be guided by you. I thought that was what I needed to do. My—my destiny!” She smiled, and her grandmother nodded for her to continue. “But no matter how hard I try… It’s as if something perverse inside me refuses to follow directions.”
The dowager eyed her consideringly. “You are more like Harry than I thought. He was always headstrong. If there was a right way and a wrong way, he would always choose the wrong. I tried to counsel him, but he would never listen to me.”
Did Olivia want to be more like her father? She wasn’t even sure that was true. She could not imagine marrying one person and then forgetting about it and marrying another. And she would never squander a fortune on her own pleasures and leave her family in penury.
“Never mind the past,” the dowager said, seeing Olivia’s distraction. “Let’s look to the future.” She held out her hands, and Olivia went down on her knees at the old woman’s side. Cold fingers wrapped around hers and squeezed reassuringly. “I expected too much of you. I thought you would take over the reins of Grantham when I am gone. You are a good girl, Olivia. You have looked after your sisters and shone when it counted, but you willgo your own way when it comes to marriage.” Her lips twitched. “Perhaps one of the others will be the one to shoulder the burden of the Ashton family?”
It was a relief to hear it. Olivia bit her tongue to keep from sharing her thoughts for her future. Her grandmother was being very generous, but she did not think her generosity would stretch to the Duke of Northam.
The dowager spoke again, in an affectionate tone of voice. “Whatever you do, I know you will do it in a way that makes me proud.”
The praise was unexpected, and perhaps undeserved. Olivia felt her eyes well up with tears. Was her grandmother really setting aside the ambitions she had for her eldest granddaughter? Or perhaps she was just tired of fighting to turn her ramshackle family into something they refused to be.
When the dowager spoke again, she had shaken off her sentimental mood. “I will be returning to Grantham tomorrow.”
The silence between them lasted a long time. Her grandmother’s fingers relaxed in hers, and when Olivia looked up, she realized the dowager had fallen asleep with a smile on her lips.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ivo ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes, resting his elbows on the table in front of him. His head was aching, but that was the least of his worries. He had been sitting in this cramped, untidy office for hours, since the crowded coach—did they really need that many soldiers to stop him escaping?—had brought him here to the new Custom House in Lower Thames Street. Harrison had marched him down a maze of corridors and into this room, then closed, and locked, the door. At first, Ivo had been furious and rattled the doorknob violently, but a voice on the other side had told him to sit and wait. He’d refused to obey, pacing back and forth, but eventually, his anger had leached out of him, and he’d thrown himself down on a chair and tried to think rationally.
His whereabouts weren’t a secret. Someone would come, and hopefully soon. Charles? But his half brother and partner had much to lose by associating himself with Ivo in this situation. Harold then. His cousin would do his utmost to see Ivo set free, and then they would make Harrison pay for his presumption. Ivo tried to whip his anger back up again, but it was difficult to be furious and indignant when the charges against him were nothing but the truth.
Hewasa smuggler. And this might be the moment the full force of the law came crashing down upon him.
The expression in Olivia’s eyes… He’d been trying not to think about that. She had been shocked. He had tried so hard to be better, and he had succeeded. Andnow, just when the past seemed behind them, and Ivo was seconds away from proposing to her again, Harrison had to arrest him. Would she have said yes? Ivo thought so, but whatever might have been, it was too late now. She would never say yes after what she, and all the Ashtons’ guests, had witnessed tonight.
The sound of voices outside caught his attention. He’d been resting his head in his hands, but now he lifted it up. The lock on the door rattled as someone turned the key, and a voice he recognized demanded entry. When the door swung back, Gabriel Cadieux, the Duke of Grantham, stood frowning at him. Was he going to abuse him again for ruining the Ashton reputations? It was a moment before Ivo recognized concern in those dark eyes.
“There you are, Northam,” Gabriel said. “Have you been harmed?”
“Only my dignity.”
Behind the duke stood Harrison, face flushed, and mouth drawn into a tight line. He had the look of a man who had just received a tongue-lashing. Ivo hoped so. He knew how formidable Gabriel could be.
Another man brushed past Harrison, a slight man in neat clothing, who Gabriel introduced as Mr. Arnott. “My man of business and my solicitor. He is here to ask Lieutenant Harrison why he thinks he can hold you in this…” Gabriel scowled about him at the poky office and went with, “… place.”
Freddie Hart also slid into the small room, which was already becoming crowded. His usually good-humored face was stern, and his red hair stuck up as though he’d been trying to tear it out. Ivo doubted Hart, good friend of Gabriel though he was, could help. He would be thinkingof his own career and the repercussions of disagreeing with his superiors.
But Ivo realized he was mistaken when Freddie turned to him, and said, “Lieutenant Harrison does have permission to hold you here, Your Grace. That is correct. Although there are questions he must answer before he can ask any of you.”
Harrison seemed uncharacteristically flustered. “I have good reason to hold the duke,” he insisted. “I have a witness to his smuggling activities who is willing to give us incontrovertible evidence.”
“Oh?” Freddie looked about him. “And has he? Given you this evidence?”
Harrison shuffled, nervously clearing his throat. “He has yet to give us the names of the smugglers. We have offered him our protection, but he is difficult to convince. And to answer your question, although he has said the duke is connected to this nefarious business, we cannot as yet prove it. The loyalty of his men is misplaced.” He took a breath. “All the same, I firmly believe charges will soon be laid.”
“Then you do not have evidence he is involved?” Gabriel repeated, in disbelief. “It sounds to me as if you have been the victim of a very bad joke, Lieutenant. What do you think, Arnott?”
