Page 41 of Her Alien Warrior
This made sense why she was confused, but what she didn't understand was that they were directly connected. "The happiness of my Pulsunne is mine to claim. For every smile, I am filled with pride and honor that I had a part in placing it there upon her lips. You are correct, as animals ruled by our biopsychology, we function in our own best interests, but it is in my best interest to share in the warmth created from being around her and knowing that happiness is mine. Her smiles are mine to care for."
Becky wiped away the blood from my forehead where a few of my epul crown poked through. "You don't even know my mom, though, not really."
"You've had your whole life to know her, but not even you know more than what you feel for her," I tried to use this as another opportunity for learning that what we did had everything to do with studying behavior and finding correlations that could be used to predict attraction and compatibility.
"I know her favorite foods, what she does for fun, why she's here, and..." she paused to repeat, "and..." A confused furrow between herbrows as she tried to think of more that she could encompass what it meant to know someone.
"And all of those things can change. I'm sure none of those are the same things they once were before you were spawned, or even how they once were in recent rotations, and I'm certain if you thought about what it meant to know who you are, you would struggle with identifying what you want beyond your desire to learn and be respected within your job. Have you not had times where your guardian has done something for you that you used to enjoy, only for you to say you're not a spawnling anymore? How much does your own guardian know you beyond the feeling they have that tells them you mean more to them than any other?"
"Are you still trying to train me, even now?"
"It is my honor to do so."
She laughed and threw the cloth she was using to wipe at my forehead at me. "You're saying no one really knows anyone, just what they feel?"
"No, I'm saying how you feel about someone is separate from learning how they react towards things. Feelings dictate actions. Those actions lead towards reactions that either reinforce or dissuade those actions being repeated. Feelings are reactions to how our brain reacts towards stimulus. We observe those reactions and make theories and assumptions of how the world works from that data. It is either more or less compelling based on how the data is collected."
"So, then how can you know for certain about your feelings? If they are simply our brain's reaction to chemicals we produce? Wouldn't our feelings fluctuate, and or fade with time?"
"To explain feelings is something we still study, because like all science there is a probable answer, but at any point further study could disprove what we thought was truth, and new truths are discovered. That is to say, all I have are my feelings, and the proof is in my reactions to them. It is for my mate to decide to accept them as fact or not."
"So… you're saying you love her, even though you don't know her?" Becky seemed displeased with this, and I sighed.
"What is knowing someone?" I asked and left the spawnling to think about what it meant to feel without understanding fully. Every being in the universe lived and died with their feelings and their actions without needing to know everything there was to know. What was important was having a certain amount of acceptance for the things in this life that brought us joy.
For me, that was my mate.
And I could only honor her as best I could in hopes that she'll feel the same for me. When she woke from stasis, I might not be in my right mind, but I could hope that my efforts to honor her spawnling while she was gone will bring her some modicum of peace that Becky was cared for in her absence.
Liquid dripped down my temple, and I wiped at the blood before it reached my chin. I was still bleeding, and yet I felt my hearts hammering in my chest. The suppressant was failing, myglands weren't producing what I needed to heal properly. Time was not on my side. I'd go to her one last time. My legs took me down a hall that didn't lead to the stasis chambers, and it wasn't until I saw General Tensel that I understood why. My mate's scent had long dissipated from the stasis chamber, sealed away in her pod, but for the bead of her blood dangling from another male's hair. He glanced up from speaking with the commander and taunted me with lifting his red hair to his nose, bringing the trinket with it for a sniff of her scent.
A growl erupted from my throat, and I lunged without a second thought. My epul lengthened from my knuckles and I cut the strand of hair from his head before he could react. Everyone in the room was stunned, as I snatched the falling leather braid that held my mate's blood from the air and clutched it close.
General Tensel had goaded me, but he did not expect my restraint to crumble in seconds. Neither did my commander and sister as she watched wide-eyed. Her reaction a bit faster than General Tensel as she rushed to block his attack while I inhaled Renee's scent from the offering.
"Are you claiming Rakture?" Rokva hissed over her shoulder.
Words stuck in my throat as I growled like a beast of old, coveting my treasure. It was not his to claim, I thought, though a small part of me knew this wasn't how I would go about obtaining her offering if she were already marked as my mate.
"Move," Tensel demanded of my sister to step aside for his pound of flesh owed from my actionsagainst him.
I untied the hair ribbon from his severed red locks and tied the offering to my own hair in challenge.
"Mine," I ground out with my fangs on display. All my muscles tensed in preparation for a duel, a sick kind of pleasure in believing the goddess would not deny me this right. That pestering voice in my mind warned me that she had already forsaken me since spawning.
Cracking his neck, General Tensel grunted as he forced his epul to lengthen along his legs. "When I win this duel, General Sou-el, you will submit to me and be restrained, or you will die. Which is it?"
"That isn't necessary," Rokva tried to plead, but when she saw my resolve she questioned, "Right? As your commander, I cannot interfere with a duel that is done with honor…"
"Myhonor," I said, then licked my fang, believing with everything down to my epul that this was my duel to win.
Reluctant to leave us, when Rokva made the decision to step aside, her movement was the flag with which we saw victory. Both Tensel and I launched into battle. The few warriors that were following the commander around during her rounds stayed to the outside. They would watch us closely to avoid our duel, but they would watch. To leave a Rakture once initiated was not our way. This was my chance to prove I was a worthy mate, and I would honor my mate by making sure all knew I was willing to lose my life for her.
As we darted like projectiles through the space, Tensel's fist launched forward, epul sharp and deadly from his knuckles. A game of Hargom's Cliff, who would retreat first as we headed for the edge. Honor or death, we would chant as spawnlings. My sister had taught me to evade strikes without retreating a battle, the wisdom of time to have honor and mitigate risk. I twisted my torso to escape his punch, but I was not fast enough to avoid all damage, as a line of blood was drawn from his smaller epul on his forearm that he had extended out last nanosecond. While he was focused high, I aimed low. Taking the hit was a sacrifice for victory as my boot slid out to catch his ankle. An adept warrior wouldn't fall, merely stumble, and Tensel was skilled. His stumble was exactly what I needed to cut the back of his calves with my own extended epul spikes.
It surprised him more that I focused on attacking the more dangerous areas. This was also a tactic of Commander Rokva, it was rare for anyone to challenge her, so many didn't watch her duel. She'd train me in private for the skills I'd need to survive, and in public with the skills to appear stronger to the tribe. I was not a dedicated warrior with applied experience, but I was a survivor. I risked damaging my own legs to damage his own first. Both of us suffered the consequences of my actions. I grinned at him as he bounded backwards and winced on his landing. He howled in his growing adrenaline rush of a duel. He would need blood to calm himself, and after he would seek out someone to mate with that was not Renee currently trapped in stasis.
Victory came in many forms, I thought ruefully. Winning this duel had nothing to do with destroying General Tensel. He was the superior warrior in every way, and this duel of strength would be his for the taking, as to be expected with a future commander. The duel of mates on the other hand would be mine, because my mate was safe, and a fresh conquest would force him to choose someone else to satiate his needs. Renee had already proven by hiding in the stasis pods that she did not wish to have more than one mate. Nor did she wish to be nothing more than a means to balance our glands.
