Page 38 of Her Alien Warrior
"We are compatible, and your disposition is refreshing. I like that you do not try to impress me because of my honored title and strength. You speak freely, and without worry of displeasing me. It is honest, and your history of raising spawnlings shows your leadership and honor capable of being my equal in command."
I wasn't expecting it to be so thought out, and yet all those things meant nothing to me.
"I do not wish to command," I stated plainly.
He chuckled. "See, no other would admit as much to me. Many would like to share the honor of my title but not admit that they did not wish to take the responsibility that comeswith it. They would use the power, without heeding the consequences. I do not wish for a mate that would use my warriors under my command for their own benefit."
"There are plenty of mates that would honor your title and not abuse it. That has nothing to do with me."
"Not as many as one would hope," he denied my claim and added, "It is a good start, no? I make no claims of your human 'love', but I am a man of science and strength. This love is simply a biochemical reaction created over time between compatible mates. We are compatible, this was confirmed with the way our bodies reacted under the blind testing, and I find your blood pleasing to the taste. I'm becoming accustomed to your scent, and over time I will seek to be near it more and more. I will honor you and seek out your happiness. It is your choice, but I assure you, allow me the time to prove myself during our Rakturan, and both your body and mind will be more than sated, but we will both crave each other's attention."
"What exactly is a Rakturan?"
"The severing of your bond with a previous mate," he stated simply. "If you were not previously mated, then I'd simply chase you, prove your body reacts to me, and then give you my knot to see if your body bonds with mine. But as there is another bond to compete with, our mating is more likely to be successful by spending time together and exchanging gifts of each other until our ceremony on Necias Prime.
"I am on suppressants, so you need not worry I will rut before our ceremony. But I will stop taking them before we arrive there after dropping off our exchange candidates on Trillume. As commander, I will have authority to detour to Necias Prime before our next assignment."
He had this all planned out, and his bravado was strong enough to see he had no assumptions that I would turn his offer down. He was a future commander with title and honor, probably had the pick of any warrior on this ship and beyond that would have gladly accepted his offer of mating.
Again, I asked him, "Why me? You could choose anyone that was compatible with you to build feelings and biochemicals with..."
He grinned, leaning back in his chair. "The better question is why not? We all have needs, and is it not exhausting to be searching for who to fill it with? We are sexually attracted, and we can be honest with our thoughts to one another. We all wish to be with someone who will be what we can not to ourselves while also trusting they will remain honorable to one another. We have both proven our honor to be trustworthy, you with waiting to leave your mate until your spawnlings were cared for, and me with earning the trust of my tribe to lead them as commander. Feelings are nothing more than chemicals that we will build together with proximity, and touch. If you do not develop these feelings you crave for mating then we speak no more of it and move on.
"But I will say, I waited here for you." He said pointedly, and the absence of Sou-el was felt more deeply.
"What do you mean, you waited for me?"
How did he know I'd come here?
"Do not think I didn't overhear your conversation with Sou-el, it was my experiment, and I oversee its management. He said he'd wait for you here, but I am the one here waiting for you. Sharing with you my confidences of what I hope to prove with these experiments, that we may have found the strand of DNA that is linked to necia warriors having visited ancient humans. I will not lie to you, and I will not hide things from you. I seek you as a mate and my equal, and I will continue to seek you out until you dismiss me."
He didn't come. General Tensel was here, and Sou-el was not. I was indeed a fool.
"It's flattering to have someone of your honor show interest in me," I said with a forced smile, not wanting to offend him. But he didn't have interest in me at all. I was a checklist of compatibilities to him, and he firmly believed that feelings would grow with accepting that we were attracted first then spend time together. My heart ached at the idea of simply being a series of reactions bouncing around the universe until a compatible chemical rotated around me and wished to bond. It was merely chance and acceptance, nothing more.
Was that all there was?
Was this the answer I was looking for?
I meant nothing.
Was that my truth?
The truth of all mammals such as humans, and warriors alike?
It seemed so bleak, just animals seeking pleasure, or avoiding pain and fear.
"If you'll excuse me," I pushed up from the table, and I couldn't even hear the noises of the warriors fucking around me. My vision was blurring at the sides as I hung on to the edge of the table that had the perfect set of grooves for my fingers to clamp around. A warmth surged through my skin, tingling up my arm, and out of all my instincts the one to flee surfaced. I needed to leave. I couldn't do this. Sweat beaded at my collar, and my breathing labored.
"You do not look so well," he agreed to my leave, and offered his arm to lead me out of the lounge. We were coming up on my daughter's room and I insisted I could take it from there and wished to see her before returning to the community quarters.
The door slid open on her room and water finally leaked down my cheeks.
"Mom?"
"I don't know why I'm so emotional..." I wiped at my tears. It felt like all my hopes were crushed and I had my eyes pried open with rusty clamps to see the truth that I was right all along... my body lied and who gives a fuck about this dumb organ inside my chest?
"What happened?" she asked while climbing down from her bunk, she had probably been sleeping.
