Page 31 of Her Alien Warrior
I said nothing, allowing her to process her thoughts. It was an easy task to listen to her, even without my training as a researcher, because I was eager to know more of what went on in that mind of hers.
"Does it make me a coward that I don't want to return?"
"No," I said immediately, wishing to solidify this thought of staying with me, of not returning to Earth. "If you are running towards something, then how can it be called running away? In which case, it is not a coward's move, but one of strength and bravery. Returning to familiarity can also be considered running from what could be your future."
"What future?" she asked wistfully.
"Whatever future you want."
"And what about you?"
The question caught me off guard.
"What about me?"
"What future do you want?" she asked.
One with her in it, I thought, but I knew that wasn't what she wanted me to say. She wanted to know what kind of future I could give her. What kind of future we would have would involve her giving up everything she's known.
Doubts about whether I would be a good mate for her resurfaced. Not just about my damaged glands and what I could provide physically like many warriors would demand, but what of our future. Traditionally, a warrior would give up their jobs and follow their mate, caring for their spawnlings, honoring our tribe and teaching the next generation. But I could not follow her to Earth, and her spawnlings are grown, I would honor the spawnling that came to learn by training her for her post at the Blue District labs, but beyond that, what could I give her?
"I'm soon to be promoted, with my choice of placements. With the fertility crisis across the galaxy, I considered behavioral analysis of survival bonds. Placing potential mates who all show similar levels of biological compatibility but putting them in an unfamiliar environment to see which traits are preferred. Evolutionary theories say bonds will be formed with mates that are adaptable and capable of surviving the environment, while mates with no skills will not bond."
"I'd probably fail that study," she said with a laugh.
"I don'ttheorize we pick our mates this way. I believe, even if the mates do not have strong survival skills that they would still fight and work together to survive and keep their less skilled mate. There will be mates that like being a provider, keeping their mate safe. But more importantly, survival is more than our bodies, because if it weren't then I would have died before ever meeting you."
"Are you saying I'm the more skilled mate in this scenario?"
"You have accomplished more than I ever will," I told her truthfully. She has mated, honored the universe with her spawnlings, and bravely left her own planet to escape the pressures of her tribe. Not once had I ever considered going against my tribe's wishes. Even now, I had the full approval from my sister, the commander, to pursue my mate. I may have been away from my planet, but I had never left my tribe.
"You will help future generations with your research," she defended and then sighed. "I have nothing left to give. No skill to contribute."
"What I'm beginning to understand, even after all my years of research, is that you don't have to give to receive someone's affections. Beyond physical attraction there is an acceptance of being understood. To be seen by someone. I am still uncertain how to prove this theory of shared truth, but in my tribe the elders would say every action in our lives changes our very D.N.A., and it is our body that knows the truth before our mindsand hearts accept what the goddess has gifted within each other. This is what mates are, two truths recognizing each other."
I've never spoken so much in my life, but with her, I can't help but share whatever is on my mind. It isn't simply that she listens, which is something she's been forced to do as a guardian of spawnlings, but that I want her to know, and I wanted her to know I could be trusted with her own thoughts as well.
"Two truths recognizing each other," she repeated, contemplating how she felt about this theory rooted within my tribe's belief in the goddess. I was a warrior of science, but even myths and legends were rooted in our minds trying to make sense of the unexplainable. Whether the goddess existed doesn't matter, the truths of what she represented may yet to be explained, but that didn't make them any less true, as they have yet to be disproven.
There was no other explanation for me except that Renee of Earth made a series of decisions in her life that led her here, with me, in this moment for her to understand and see me, just as I had lived through decision that led me here to see her. Some of those actions were out of our control, and others were purposeful decisions including the one to be in this room, instead of letting her go.
Finally she spoke again, "I've been attracted to mates before, felt my body react, and they were not my friend. This was biology seeking to populate the world. My body lied to me about their truth, about who I could trust.
"Ichose someone that I could trust with my heart, and my body lied to me again, feeling nothing when we touched. You're telling me to trust the truth in what I feel, when everything I've felt has proven otherwise. If your theory is correct, then I'm an outlier in your data set and none of it applies to me. I wanted everything, and so I will have nothing in my greed."
The sound of the door sliding open and closed was the only indication that she had left me there stunned as something I never thought I would feel since I was a spawnling made the wrap around my eyes dampen with shedding moisture.
I had more work to do to prove my honor to her than I thought, as there was more than a mountain between us, there was a chasm of hurt that couldn't be filled with a single overture. Mates from her past have only attended to one aspect of her happiness, and neglected the others. This was something the elders would say only time and persistence will heal, but I had very little of those resources available and I had to find a way to make it up to her before we reached Trillume.
Chapter twelve
Renee
This was temporary, I told myself over and over again. Getting involved with General Sou-el was a lesson I'd already learned before, and didn't have the strength to work through what ever it was between us. He wasn't officially part of the study, no matter what he did to get in that room earlier, he was a researcher, not a participant. He was promising more when more was never guaranteed. Hormones wore off over time, and what I'd be left with would be mind-blowing sex, and a broken heart. The body lies. There was no such thing as having both, and thinking there was would only lead to my ruin.
Thisadventure was always meant to be temporary. A free pass to feel something physically and then return to Earth and the security of living out my life in peace. There were known expectations, and no promises to be broken. I was hoping it would confirm that I'd feel nothing for everyone, and my long ago memories of feeling something as a teen would just be memories of when my body was in its prime for reproduction.
General Sou-el reawoken that inner part of me from when I was a teen, that hopeful passion before I met Tyler. That physical craving. And in that room, blindfolded, he knew who I was, and he promised me more. Something too good to be true, and nothing he could prove without first risking that he was wrong.
