Page 28 of Her Alien Warrior
Eventually, William groaned and sat back down. "I don't know why I thought things would be different here," he began.
"Why do you like him?" I asked.
"Before all this shit? It felt like he saw me, and he didn't just sniff me and want to fuck. We could have, but he didn't. The tension was thick enough to cut, and we spent the whole night talking. He called me brave, when I've been a coward my whole life."
"You are brave," I affirmed. "I don't have to know you to know not many would have snuck out of their programs to go to the lounge on the other side of the ship to see a guy that basically ghosted them. To give them the benefit of the doubt about why they were gone."
"I didn't give him the benefit of the doubt," he denied. "I wanted to force him to face his decision to walk away. To look me in the eyes when he did it."
"You wanted to punish yourself..." I whispered, but he caught every word and shockingly laughed at my assessment.
"Fuck," he bemoaned with a forced chuckle. "Let's go fuck some aliens and move on."
He got up and offered me a hand to stand. I took it and saw the pain hidden behind the smile. He didn't want to do any of that. He wanted the alien that listened to him. The warrior that cared enough to know him first.
I wantedsomeone to actually listen to me too, I thought with an ache in my gut. I was used to listening, and so was William, as we hid behind our roles assigned to us in life, but it was rare to find someone who wanted to look at what was underneath the titles we carried.
I wasn't special. I wasn't worth more than a microbe within this universe. I didn't have some special talent, or remarkable intelligence.
I was just Renee.
And I was still figuring out who exactly that was. Even at forty-six years old talking to a young man in his early thirties.
I sighed, giving William a nod to return to our common rooms. All the while I was thinking of that fiery determination in Sou-el's eyes as he told me he'd challenge for rights to be my mate and knocked himself out so he wouldn't force some alien ritual on me that I knew nothing about. But those were words said in the heat of the moment, and when his mind cleared of whatever animal instincts his species had to procreate, he wasn't anywhere to be seen. Not even my daughter, his intern, had seen him.
My stomach turned in knots and I wondered if perhaps William was right about confronting what was painful, so there were no hopeful delusions to cling to. Was I a coward to allow myself to hope that what he said was real, and leave it alone?
I laughed without any outward influence or reason to do so, but William didn't question it, or ask why. Itwas ridiculous to think he meant any of those things. We only knew each other for a day.
Chapter eleven
General Sou-el
General Tensel's quarters were empty, or he was ignoring my request to see him. A message popped up on my contact implant informing me that the general was currently working with the research team, and I could leave a message of my own.
As politely as I could muster, I relayed that as General of Research that I would be overseeing his plans for the project, with authorization from the current commander.
That resulted in an immediate summons of direct communication while I stood outside his quarters.
"General Sou-el, you are justthe warrior I was hoping to speak to," he said with an enthusiasm I did not relate with. As I had no such compunction for him. "You've done good work with confirming humans with possible necia DNA markers are capable of compelling rut-like bonding."
'Rut-like', he stated like what I shared with Renee was nothing more than a physical response promoting spawning. Perhaps it began that way, I thought logically, but she knew of my past and still she did not run from me. She was a human with thin, breakable skin, and yet she confidently stood before me and told me, 'no' when I insisted she be placed in stasis until we arrived on Trillume.
I'd be a fool to think she stayed because of me, but it was yet another strength of hers to fight to stay awake so she could spend time with her spawnling. I stopped myself from marking her without her truly accepting what was normal for my tribe, because I saw the way she didn't watch me with pity. When my sister explained my past... she saw honor and strength in fighting for family not of blood, but choice.
It wasn't until then that I realized how much I wanted to know a female wished to be with me… not because I had a title, large epul, or a sister that was a commander, but because they saw more.
I felt seen, and knew I couldn't have her. When she appeared disgusted after Rakva said I was a good choice for a mate, I stormed off with irritation for my sister throwing it in my face. I couldhear the hesitation in Renee's voice when she said she was not interested, and I left.
General Tensel finished explaining that he had further use for me in the study and was hopeful I would agree to participate as more than a research advisory capacity.
"If you can have your human consent to mating without the influence of your enzymes or blood, then I will remove her from the program, and you may continue your mating rituals without interference."
The only way to do that would be to make sure we didn't touch and spray us both down with pheromone blockers.
"You wish to have me enter her group?"
"Not exactly. Similar to your own experiments, we will have several rooms with different participants, and you'll have a set amount of time with her like others will. Each time we will introduce different requests and gauge reactions."
