Page 1 of Her Alien Warrior
Chapter one
Renee
"Ithink this is the best fucking decision you've made in the last ten years," my best friend, Holden, said with a smack to my back, jarring my balance.
"You would," I snarked.
But it was my own mom that shook her head at me and dabbed at her eyes like I was about to walk out the airlock of a shuttle before reaching port. "I don't care what you and your husband have said to each other about this. If you do this your marriage is over. Renee, what will the kids think of all this?" She looked over to Holden with disappointment when she said, "I thought you of allpeople would stop her from going, after what happened with your own relationship."
"Ah, don't be like that Ms. G. It's because of my past that I think she should go for it. It wasn't until after I had a bit of separation that I realized I'd settled and was barely living. If her marriage can't handle this then fuck 'em."
"Language, Holly," my mom chided with a shake of her head, using his nickname that I gave him for always being the one to make me smile and never letting life take that away from him. Always jolly but with an H for Holden. Around Christmas time he used to tell my kids that he met Santa and Holly Jolly Christmas came from him.
They were grown now, capable of handling themselves. My youngest was moving out soon, and that's when it really struck me how alone I was going to be. They were both moving away, and all I had left was my husband, Tyler. I sighed with that same heaviness that set me on this course to the unknown to begin with.
"Renee's situation isn't yours," my mom tutted.
I simply stared at them both bickering back and forth about a decision that was already made. That's why we were here, hanging out at Holden's condo since it was closer to the H.E.T., Human Exchange Trade, offices. It was difficult to get accepted into an exchange program, especially on the planet Trillume, but this was a short-term research study that would give me the clarity I needed to move forward with mylife.
Clearing my throat, I got both of their attentions. I took a deep breath to calm the nerves that came with completely uprooting my life as I knew it. I had no excuses anymore. Holden thought I should have done this years ago, and maybe I should have, but my children needed their dad as much as they needed me. It felt like pulling teeth to constantly remind my daughters to give their dad a hug, to spend some time with him, while also reminding him that he needed to make an effort, plan a day with them, don't snap at them for not warming up to him right away. I was the glue that gave them time together, and if I figured my own shit out then it would have been damaging for both of them.
My daughters were grown, they could make their own decisions on how they spend time with their dad or not, and he could make his own decisions on whether he made the effort to be part of their grown-up lives. But, I never kept anything a secret from my husband, including this. I even told my mom long ago about our issues, but stopped telling her that it was still true after realizing that I didn't need my mom's permission to make decisions for my own life. It took having a bit of separation from her when I was younger to finally say, 'no' to her when she tried to plan out my life, though the guilt still ate at me. That's why I was doing this exchange into the cosmos now.
Separating myself from my mother when I married Tyler, was exactly what I needed to gain perspective and take back my life. I was doing the same thing again. Why change what worked? Iwas running away again for the separation I needed to rediscover myself, this time I used the exchange to force myself to stay away long enough to know what I wanted.
"Dishonesty is what destroys relationships," I finally said to both of them. "I never lied, but I never did anything about what I was feeling either."
"What are you saying?" my mom's voice trembled.
"I'm saying I need to know that what I'm feeling is all there is, and if this trip confirms things… then I'll make the most of it. But if I find out that I can fuck an alien and feel more than I do with my best friend that I had two beautiful daughters with then I'm the problem. I can't do that to my best friend. I can't live with myself that I took away the chance my husband had at finding a wife that could feel that way for him when I didn't."
"Hey, I'm your best friend," Holden teased, making light of the situation, and that's what I loved about him. Loved… I thought with a pained expression. It was true, I loved Holden just as much as I loved Tyler. That was the problem. Nothing more, and I felt like there should be more.
"But you love him..." my mother insisted, still shaking her head in disbelief. And I did, love Tyler, that's why I had to do this. I loved him more than I love any other stranger or family, not including my daughters that are my world, and yet it was because of my daughters, and because of Holden, that I knew something was wrong with me.
I knew I was broken and would one dayhave to make this choice to figure my shit out. Being around my daughters, I felt drawn to them. I wanted to be in the same space as them, I wanted to feel them near me. And when I hugged them, I got a high like no other person on Earth. When they made me sad, I felt like my heart was being torn from my ribcage.
I was a coward, even now.
Left with the reality that when my youngest daughter, Laurel, left my home that I would have nothing. An empty, sinking feeling rotted in my gut when I understood that I felt alone with my 'best friend' by my side. The prospect of spending the rest of my days existing with my husband and no one else… haunted me.
"I'm going to the Blue District. I may not end up doing anything, or maybe I fuck an alien and come back home to live out my mundane life. I don't know, but no one looking for a relationship goes to the Blue District, so you can breathe, mom. I'll be back after a month on Trillume."
"You'll be back in an Earth year, it's not really a month, is it? You're leaving your husband for a year. I could die before you come back," my mom whimpered dramatically.
"That's a bit extreme, Ms. G," Holden said while rolling his eyes. "She needs time to figure out her life. Consider it a gap year, and Tyler agreed to it."
"Tyler, that sweet man, would agree to anything she asked for, Holly. That is no way to treat a man that has been by her side,giving her anything she wanted for the past twenty years. She's in her god's damned forties, knocking on fifty, and going to an establishment of sin and debauchery!"
I sighed, feeling my age catch up with me. "I'm no spring chicken, I get it. Men can snag a twenty-something with their salt n' pepper charm at sixty, but women over thirty, God forbid—"
"You aren't over thirty," she snapped, about to remind me that I was forty-six… again.
"Thank you, mother," I strained to keep myself from yelling at her. "I'm aware of my age."
"She's fucking hot," Holden retorted while giving me a nod of encouragement. "She'll have her pick of alien cock wanting a taste of humanity."
My mom's nose wrinkled and I glared at Holden. He knew I didn't want to discuss the details with her. My mom was aware of what was happening, and I didn't need her to have the imagery of me shacking up with an alien in her head. She was still my mother. Saying I was going to fuck one felt less descriptive than talking about alien cock.
