Page 11 of Her Alien Warrior
"No?" he repeated, probably not used to being told no in his whole life with those looks, and his honored position as general.
"No," I said again for good measure, but this time I scooted to sit on the edge of the bed with my feet firmly planted on the ground, only my feet wouldn't reach, as his bed was deceptively bigger than I thought. Of course, it would need to be given how large he was.
I was practically a child swinging my legs in the air. To him and many of these aliens I might have been late in human years, but I was as old as what some considered a spawnling to some species such as the necia. This was why I wasn't too concerned about my age when joining this exchange. To them I wasstill young, and whatever new wrinkles I discovered would just be a strange feature of humanity, like staring at scales on his skin. Normal. I was different but accepted.
"While you were sleeping, I reviewed your contract," he began, and I cut him off with incredulity.
"You did what?"
"I reviewed your contract for remaining out of stasis during your travel to Trillume. It has come to my attention that many humans do not value reading their contracts through before agreeing to them. Staying out of stasis is contingent on being part of a separate study from the one you will be in upon arrival at the Blue District."
"That was explained," I agreed. I'd be staying with other subjects of the study to see if I was attracted to them during my flight. It was considered "flight" to propel through space, right?
"Was it also explained that should you find another subject attractive, that they will remove that species from your grouping after you've rutted with them? You will not see them again."
"I don't understand," I stammered, clutching at my chest where my heart beat vigorously against my rib cage. That created a whole new layer of mental obstacles for me to overcome. I knew going into this that it would just be a one night only kind of situation, but I had really thought it would be my choice to continue to see whoever I chose the whole time before returning to Earth. None of the participants wanted to have a relationship, but it terrified me that I'd get to know someone, and they wouldjust disappear. Could I do that? Did that change how comfortable I would be in being intimate with someone if they would be gone the next rotation?
I should have known that was how the experiment was going to be. It was a study on attraction and if the attraction is confirmed then it was time to move on to the next species to test attraction with them too. This wasn't about connecting with someone, I reminded myself. This was about finding out if I was broken physically, and it was clear by how I responded to General Sou-el that my body could respond even to strangers. I wasn't broken, at least not in that way. I could go the whole experiment without committing to anything more, now that I knew.
Maybe it would be best to go into stasis like he suggested, but there was no guarantee that the same rules wouldn't apply when I got to Trillume. I might as well prepare myself for it and stay awake to spend time with my daughter.
He gave me time to process the information before he continued to explain, "Any connection you make within the study will be taken from you and you've already displayed strong emotional distress within a single rotation. You may stay in my quarters until a stasis pod is ready for you, or I will be forced to bring you to your assigned grouping for you to form bonds that will be cycled out regularly."
"And what would convince you of my stability to continue with my contract?"
I held my breath as he watched me.
"Show me you can be touched without leaking. I can take you to the medbay when you feel you're ready. If you can be bathed without incident, then I will reinstate your contract to remain outside of stasis for the remainder of the travel to Trillume."
My mouth dried as I forced myself to ask, "You want to watch me be licked by someone else?" That's what he had been doing before, licking me like he was going to devour every inch of me clean. I wasn't sure how far a necia warrior bathing ritual went, but I hadn't expected him to actually wash me with his saliva. I really should have asked Becky more questions about the different cultures on the ship.
"I wouldn't dare touch you again," he said fiercely, and I winced. Did I taste that bad? Or he was completely grossed out by my snot and tears. He was actually a decent alien if he never wanted to see someone cry after they touched them again, but that didn't lessen the sting of how adamant he was not to touch me again that way.
"Right..."
"The medbay has a list of on-call warriors who have agreed to honor human bathings, you have your pick of any that catch your interest."
By his tone I could infer he was not among the list, and that was a good thing. I wasn't ready to feel that kind of guilt again. It would have been so much easier if he had touched me, and I felt nothing. If he had licked my wrist and I simply giggled because it wasticklish and ridiculous to slime me with his tongue. That I could have handled. That was normal for me, to feel like I'm giving my body because it was healthy for me to give, and that it was needed by them. Like fulfilling an obligation that helped them stay connected with me.
But that wasn't what I felt as his tongue traced up my tingling flesh, making my whole-body tense and heat. His simple touches as his breath teased my neck and he tasted my skin made my thighs clench imagining him seeking out my swollen labia and swiping between my slit. The image shocked me because I'd never felt my nerves down there seek out pressure and touch, I had nothing to compare that feeling to. It was like every touch of him as he finally pressed his body against mine triggered a need to feel more of him.
And my mind caught up with my body, reminding me that I didn't know him, that he was a stranger, that if I continued, I would not survive rejection. Fuck, I thought with embarrassment, this was what people talked about with women that were stage-five clingers after sex. Like they felt that high, that connection and craved more of it like a drug and it was purely physical. Feeling like this after a simple lick to my neck was a dangerous sign.
I thought with my head, not my clit, and now that I knew my clit wasn't broken but simply uncaring of knowing who was touching it as long as they were a sculpted alien god with salivathat made my skin tingle, I was certain I'd be alone forever or a sex addict.
That wasn't why I signed up for this exchange. I didn't come here to become a lusty sex fiend. I had hoped that I'd have sex, realize it was all the same, and move on. As I stared at the tall general of research, I couldn't help trailing my eyes down his torso and almost landing on where his cock would be, but I quickly diverted my eyes before I got too far. I'd never stared at someone like that before, with nothing but interest in his body and what it could offer me, what I would feel if he touched me again.
It was frustrating and filling me with guilt. I didn't want to make someone else give to me out of obligation like I had done for twenty years. For him this was clinical, his species had a whole list of warriors signed up to assist human needs as they believed it was part of a healthy maintenance of our bodies like it was for theirs. I didn't need sex and I grew exhausted of providing it without getting that same feeling of satisfaction others seemed to have.
I had wanted that feeling, this feeling, the need, and yet now that I felt it, I resented it because I didn't want to be my husband. Taking that high without giving it at the same time. I didn't want to feel this way about someone who felt nothing for me.
I was used to giving, so I nodded and told myself that having my arms and neck licked to prove I was alright would be easier than theroutine I'd settled into over the years. "Sure, I'll look at the list." I hopped off his bed, and it lifted up into the wall, giving the room more space. The room had a couch, and a large screen with labeled tiles in a different language. He saw how I was taking in how big his space was compared to my daughters, and he told me it was also his office.
The door opened and my daughter walked in with a stunned look on her face when she spotted me here. I brushed at my bedhead of hair, and smiled awkwardly, but she obviously got the wrong idea because she smiled with a glint in her eye. I shook my head and tried to let her know it wasn't like that without saying the words, but she just smiled bigger and gave me a thumbs up.
I was probably growing red and rashy with embarrassment again. My skin always got blotchy when I was nervous.
"Did you want me to come back another time, General?" Becky asked, and I could tell there was a bit of a teasing tone to it that I didn't miss, but wished I had.
