Page 4 of Her Alien Warrior
"Did you not read through your manual?" Joel quipped as he stared at the backpack and the luggage at my feet. I blinked at him in confusion.
"Two bags—"
He cut me off, "One bag per passenger."
Then my daughter picked up the backpack and smiled at him awkwardly as she said, "This one is mine."
I gaped at her as she averted her eyes from me. All yesterday, I was baffled by how my girls found out what the trip to Trillume was about, and what program I actually was accepted into. They knew because Becky knew...
Becky knew because she, I stopped my train of thought and gripped Holden's shoulder to steady myself. He was pressing his lips together and smiling awkwardly like internally he was saying, 'surprise!' He knew!
She didn't tell me, and I think that hurt morethan knowing she was risking space travel so young. Joel nodded and motioned for both of us to follow him.
"I don't know what to say," I prompted for her to help me understand. She said she got into a college program to study psychology abroad. Abroad was a bit of a stretch. This was off planet, into the universe, and a little check box that said you understood the risks that you might never return to Earth.
"I didn't lie," she finally said as we took our seats on the shuttle that would take us to the transport ship. "I'm part of the intern staff for studying human and interspecies' relationships. I'll get college credit for my time on Trillume and be trained by top scientists in studying behaviors. I had to earn this spot with top grades and having my essay chosen amongst the candidates that applied." She took a deep breath and continued, "I lied to Laurel when I denied not seeing the distance between you and dad. I don't talk much, but I see things. You and dad can walk right past each other without saying hello. When you're sick, dad has to be reminded that you might need medicine or water."
"Your father does everything for me," I countered.
"If you ask," she added softly. "When I'm sick, you held me when you could, gave me medicine, made sure I had water and that I drank it, asked if there was a movie I wanted to watch, or if I had any requests before you reminded me sleep was the best healer. You'd check on me and didn't care if you got sick by kissing and hugging me, then you'd bring me ice creamand read a book while I slept on your lap," she paused a pained expression, "Mom, do you have any idea how guilty I felt when I was five and I wasn't big enough to do more than hug you when you weren't feeling good?"
"Oh, little bean, I—" I wanted to wrap her up into my arms but she stopped me with a shake of her head.
"Not because you were sick, but because I knew, when I was five, that dad wasn't going to do it. Laurel wasn't old enough yet, but you were so sick you were puking, and you needed medicine, but it was days before you admitted to yourself that you needed help, and you told dad to get you medicine, and sure, he got it for you… but that was days after you asked. You were sick for over a month. To me, it felt like you were sick for a very long time, but you were the one that drove me to school with a cup in the car, just in case you needed to puke on the way."
I gave her a hug. "Well, you're my everything little bean. I'd do anything for you."
"You deserve to be someone's everything too," she choked on a sob.
"I didn't realize you were already a therapist," I joked, feeling uncomfortable that my daughter was hanging on to all of this and shouldering this hurt on her own. It felt like failure, that I had failed to protect her.
"You're deflecting," she reasoned, and I wasn't that far off. My little girl was grown up. "Don't worry, I won't be assigned to your group or any group that interacts with you, so you can feel out whatever you might find on our adventurewithout thinking I'm judging you. I'm not, by the way. I hope you find someone that thinks about you without being asked to, but even if it isn't within this program, I think the distance from dad will give you some perspective to move on and find it eventually."
"When did you get so wise?" I teased but then added, "I think you were always more aware than other kids, even at four years old. You were more adult than most adults and said things like, 'I think I'm having sad thoughts, and that's bad.' I'd hug you and say, 'That's okay to have sad thoughts, it isn't bad to be sad or upset, it's being mean to others that's bad, so let yourself feel and think whatever you need to, I'll be here to listen and eventually the feeling will fade and there will be room for happiness again.'"
"So, I guess you're the therapist. Because of you, I wanted to help others make room for happiness again when they are feeling sad," she said with a smile, giving me a big hug. "You're the reason I wanted to help people, like you helped me. You can make room for more too, and I'm glad that I'll still get to have mother-daughter night on another planet together," she paused in consideration and asked, "We are still having our night, right?"
I chuckled, wiping away a tear before it fell. "Of course, we are."
"Good, because I hearTrillume has sectors for different cultures, and I'd be a bit freaked out to check them out on my own."
"You know they don't let any humans wander by themselves; we would have an escort."
"Yeah, I know, but escorts are usually like ghosts, following you like a creepy stalker, and it's unsettling. I'm also an intern that most of the trained anthropologists and psychologists are reluctant to talk to for fear that I'll become a parasite that they can't get rid of and be forced to train themselves."
"Well, that's what they signed up for," I reminded her, my annoyance at the scientists building up into mama-bear mode as we spoke, "Be annoying if you have to, it's a disservice to yourself and to the program for you to stand back and let them ruin your learning experience. Worst thing you can do is not ask questions and miss opportunities while you're there."
"I know, I know," she smiled, covering her beautiful teeth with her hand, "Please don't go around telling them what their jobs are. I can handle it myself."
"I know you can, it's just you don't always speak up..."
"Just because Laurel is a loudmouth doesn't mean I need to be. I pick my battles," she said with confidence, and I nodded.
"You got this," I said while bumping my fist in the air.
Her eyes widened and she coughed. She gathered my hands up in hers and brought them down to my lap. "Don't do that when you meet the aliens, especially the trill."
I stared at her in confusion, and she continued, "I know youdidn't go through all the training programs for this assignment, they didn't want bias in the observations, but just be careful with your hand gestures, or even the way you sit. That shouldn't be a problem, but as part of the research team, I went through the training. You'd be sending the wrong signals. I shouldn't even be telling you this, because it might be messing with whatever research they are trying to conduct, but you're my mom and you've gone through enough."
