Page 8 of Her Alien Prince
My attention went to Gaven, and I watched him curiously. Was he saying what I thought he was saying? He’d said we, and his chest was puffed out in a strange fashion that spoke more of determination than protection against the krelin pacing the shuttle.
"Gaven...?"
Now, it was Trent who interceded, "Seems my services are not required. It is unlikely I'll have need of making a kantos for any mate, so my offer stands, should this other way not work out for you both."
Wait what? That didn't make any sense. You both? Gaven and me? His offer stands? "But you'll have a mate..."
"One that does not require a kantos to spawn," he added, and I felt dumb for not thinking about that. Of course, any other estreld in the mating ceremony would not need a larva sack to attempt to carry their offspring to term. It was just me then. I wasn't giving up on the option just yet, but the terms had to change.
"We aren't mates," I pointed out. "I don't know you. You don't know me. I won't commit to being at your side simply because you create akantossack for me. And even if, for some reason, I grew to like you, I would not accept being a second mate. You can't just... You can't just, well—" I got flustered with the way he was watching me with those golden eyes of his. "You just can't." I didn't know what he couldn't do any more than he probably did.
I’d lost focus. What did I actually want from him? I mean, in one sentence, I basically said I don't want to be mates, I only wanted his larva sack. And in the next, I was saying I didn't want to be his number two choice. What was wrong with me?
"Can't be attracted to you?" Trent’s voice shook as he took a step forward, and I bumped back into Gaven's torso. "Can't want to know more about you?" Another step. There was some kind of clucking sound coming from his throat that sent shivers down between my legs. "Can't want to find who my planet wants as my mate to seek peace, while also seeking someone I want as a mate for me?" He was toe to toe with me, and Gaven growled, yet he did nothing to stop him from approaching. I wouldn't have expected him to; he knew I was fully capable of defending myself if I wanted to. If I wanted to, I repeated to myself. Did I not want him to stop? He finished with, "Can't want someone that the rest of her clan has deemed unsuitable for mating?"
I flushed. It was like he’d stabbed me in the heart with the truth. Was that why I didn't want him to get to know me? Why I immediately thought it was impossible for him to want more than to take advantage of my desire to have my own family? Normally calm under pressure, I cracked. My single loh on my forehead glowed green like my eyes, and the ones at my back ached. Without thought I reached up and grabbed hold of his right horn and yanked it to the side, forcing him to bend towards me and stare into my steely gaze.
I would not be told howunsuitableI was for mating.
"I will have my family, with or without your help, krelin," I hissed in his ear. "Do not presume what I am suitable for. My value isn't in whether I mate with anyone, least of all you." Shoving his head away with a flick of his horn, I pushed past him and slammed my hand on the scanner to open the door between the main shuttle and the private quarters of what was normally for the crew. This shuttle was unmanned, vacant, as it was only doing a simple transport between moons with only Gaven, Trent, and myself aboard.
When the door slid closed behind me, I locked it.
What did I just do? He was a diplomat for the krelins, we were already on strained terms with Krelis, and here I was, placing hands on him? I'd assaulted him...
Rubbing my face, I groaned. I wasn't a politician, and I'd probably screwed things up for Luan and the Almder's plans for some kind of peace. Fuck. Fuckity, fuck, fuck me.
The beep sounded at the door, informing me that one of them had attempted to come in after me. Probably Gaven. But I had locked the door. Gaven could override it, but he'd have to contact Hazel. The crew cabin was meant to have the ability to lock itself off from the passengers of the shuttle.
Slumping in one of the chairs, I folded my arms over my chest protectively. What was I going to do? I wanted Trent's kantos sack to see if that would help me carry an estreld offspring to term, but I also didn't like how I was put in this position. I would be forced to have my eggs removed, regardless of my decisions right now. It was for my safety, I knew that, but was Trent right? I wouldn't have my job as advisor anymore, I wouldn't be eligible for the mating ceremony anymore, and I wouldn't be able to have my own family if I didn't figure out my situation. Was my value solely in my ability to bring new life into the world?
Sure, I've always wanted a family, wanted offspring, but now that I might not be able to... Would I not be worthy of a mate?
I was going about things the same way all estrelds did. I would secure my family first, then worry about finding someone to share it with later. But that was normal for estrelds with offspring. They'd spawn with someone during the mating ceremony, they'd secure a mate who would like to be sired to them, they would send the offspring to the training center, or raise the offspring themselves. What about those that didn't spawn? They tried again next cycle...
My face fell into despair. I'd never once interviewed an estreld that was removed from consideration for the mating ceremony. Stories were not told of the estrelds that didn't spawn or couldn't try again. We focused on what worked, not what didn't. But, none of the elders could spawn. They were revered, honored, and contributed to the clan in significant ways. Elder Ezra was dedicated to the research of mating and reproduction; she didn’t have any offspring. Letting out a sigh, I decided, I was obviously overreacting. I was not unsuitable to mate with just because I wouldn't be participating in the ceremony.
The beeping at the door repeated in a pattern like someone was playing with the lock by continually trying to open it. If I had paid more attention, I wondered if they were using some kind of code speak. I didn’t bother waiting.
Annoyed, I released the lock and opened the door to say, "What?" I had expected Gaven to be at the door, trying to make sure I was okay. But it was Trent's imposing form standing there as it slid open. "Oh, it's you," I said with disappointment. I padded back to my seat and stared out the window into the palpable darkness of space.
He sat next to me in silence.
"Where's Gaven?" I asked with indifference.
"Asleep."
I snapped my head around to stare at him. He had to be joking. "Sleeping?"
"He would have tried stopping me from entering. It's good you opened the door, I would have disliked damaging it." Trent did not appear to be joking. He stated things in such a matter-of-fact manner, and his face did not fluctuate from the seriousness I saw.
"I guess engineering thanks you for not making their job more difficult?" I wasn't really sure what to say to that. The only thing on my mind was, why? I should have been afraid, maybe concerned, for Gaven in the other room, but I didn't feel like he was going to harm me. Being around him changed the air I breathed, and it took effort to stay upset with him.
He chuckled at what he thought was a joke, instead of my sarcasm. "I wanted to apologize."
"Apologize?"
"You have a habit of repeating what I've said. Yes. Apologize, for upsetting you. I will admit your reaction does not lend itself to preventing me from upsetting you in the future. I rather liked the feel of your grip on my kan, and would not be opposed, should you seek to do so again."
