Page 35 of Push My Buttons
There's Jace, with his quiet intensity, sincere eyes, and unexpected gentleness—the man who saw me at my worst and didn't look away. And Theo, whose playful charm and newfound efforts to communicate keep surprising me with warmth I didn't expect. They feel...important. Like people I want to know better. Like people I might actually trust enough someday to tell the full truth.
They don’t know I’m Silence, don’t know I’m anything beyond a pink-haired barista who doesn’t speak. And they certainly don’t know that some nights, when I’m not gaming with them, I become Vanta—masked and alluring in a world they've probably never considered.
But maybe it's time to change that. Maybe after this shoot—after I navigate whatever chaos I’ve invited—I’ll gather enough courage to finally tell them everything. To show them all the parts of me, even the hidden, darker sides, and hope desperately that they’ll still look at me the same way afterward.
That they’ll still want me around when the masks finally come off.
Different masks for different audiences. Different versions of myself, each carefully constructed to reveal nothing of the truth underneath.
But for the first time, these worlds are about to collide. The gaming fantasy bleeding into the cam girl reality. And I'm the one who made it happen.
I glance at my phone and see a notification from Behind the Lens. The final details for the shoot have been confirmed. Both subscribers have accepted the invitation and completed their paperwork. The set design is almost done. The costumes are being prepared.
It's really happening. Too late to back out now.
I curl up under the hotel covers, pulling them tight around me like armor. Outside, the city continues its nocturnal hum—traffic and distant sirens and the occasional burst of laughter from late-night revelers. Inside, I am still. Waiting. Planning.
Saturday night, I'll step into Wasteland Chronicles for real. I'll meet ObsidianWolf and NeedleAndVice face to face—or at least, mask to mask. I'll be Vanta playing Silence, a performance within a performance.
Then after that, I will be honest with Jace and Theo.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll feel a little less alone in my silent world.
I close my eyes, but sleep is a long time coming.
Chapter 13
Wren
Iwakeupscreamingsilently, my throat working but no sound emerging as I claw at phantom hands around my neck. The hotel sheets are tangled around my legs, damp with sweat. My heart pounds so hard I can feel it in my fingertips.
The nightmare clings to me like smoke—fragments of images dissolving as I try to grasp them. Darkness. Running. Hands around my throat. A voice that followed me through corridors that kept shifting, changing, leading nowhere.
"You aren't going to leave me, Lilliana." The voice had been so clear, so close to my ear I could feel breath against my skin. "You belong to me. You've always belonged to me."
But there had been no face. Just darkness where features should be, a void that somehow still watched me, still knew me.
I sit up, pressing my back against the headboard. The hotel room is silent except for the soft hum of the air conditioner. Dawn light filters through a gap in the curtains, painting a thin stripe of gold across the carpet.
Safe. I'm safe here.
I repeat it like a mantra as I untangle myself from the sheets and stumble to the bathroom. The woman in the mirror looks haunted—pink hair flattened on one side, dark circles under her eyes, skin too pale. She looks nothing like Lilliana Cain. Nothing like the sister of a monster. I splash cold water on my face and try to shake off the lingering dread.
The clock reads 5:13 AM. No point trying to sleep again. I shower until the hot water runs cold, scrubbing my skin raw as if I could wash away the voice from my dreams. By the time I dress for work, the sun is just starting to peek through the curtains, casting long fingers of light across the rumpled bed.
I grab my bag, triple-check that I have my room key, and head out. The morning air is cool against my face, a welcome relief from the stifling aftermath of nightmares.
The walk to Grounded takes longer from the hotel, but I don't mind. More time to clear my head. I didn't want to work today, but the routine feels necessary—something normal to cling to when everything else is spinning out of control.
But by the time I push through the café door, my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my throat.
Maya spots me immediately, her smile bright as she waves me over."You're alive!"she signs with dramatic flair."I was starting to think you'd been abducted by aliens."
I roll my eyes but I know she is trying to distract me from everything else that’s happening in my life."Wouldn't aliens have better taste?"
She laughs and hands me my apron."Marcus is in a mood today. Fair warning."
Great. Just what I need. I tie the apron around my waist and head for the espresso machine, trying to focus on the familiar routine. Grind, tamp, brew. Simple steps. Muscle memory. Don't think about Jace or Theo or masks or games or—
