Page 30 of Her Alien Soldier
“It was more than just fun,” he growled.
“Don’t get growly with me. I’m telling you we both made some mistakes. So if you came here to apologize, I accept, and now you can move on with your life.”
“Maggie–”
“I’ve put my life together in a way now that means I shouldn’t have to put it back together again,” she interrupted, and he closed his mouth. “I’m too old to keep starting over, and should know better. I’m in a good place. I accept your apology, but we can’t just go back to how things were.”
Xarek watched her for a moment, then sighed, nodding, his shoulders slumping in a way that made her want to hug him.
Yeah, she needed to get away from him as soon as possible. Before she did something stupid like give into that urge.
She was just about to do that, when he spoke up. “What if we didn’t try to go back to the way things were?” he asked.
She paused. “What do you mean?”
“What if we started over? And there was no mission distracting me from you, and no impending battle that would pull me away?”
She shook her head. “You’re on leave, you said.”
“I am.”
“Which means you’re going back. Which means that whatever we do still has an end and you’re only here temporarily.”
“I’m on leave for as long as I want. I am likely going to retire,” he answered quietly. “I would much rather do that knowing I can spend time with you, but retirement is in my future either way.”
“Until you’re needed,” she said softly. “We both know that if they need you, you’ll come out of retirement.”
“I would,” he said. “But with our enemy defeated and our defensive grid operational, I do not think that will be an issue. That was my priority after the enemy was defeated, ensuring my people were shielded and protected. We also set up permanent alliances with some of the planets that assisted us.”
She watched him, and, after a moment, he went on.
“That was for my people, yes. But it was also for me. So I could come back to you and give you the attention and care you deserve.”
It was bad enough that she already wanted to leap into his arms, sit on his lap and smother him with kisses. And then he has to go and say something like that. She stayed quiet, not trusting what might come out of her mouth if she opened it.
“I hurt you,” he said quietly, watching her with that dark gaze. “That is unforgivable.”
The words, and his tone, that sad, deep longing that she knew matched her own, nearly undid her. “I was thoughtless, and my weakness hurt you. I should have been strong enough to do what I needed to do. I failed you.”
“You didn’t…”
“I did. I did need to leave. I should have focused on the two things I wanted: you, and my people’s safety.”
She sighed. Every barrier she’d put up around her heart, primarily to guard it against him, was crumbling.
“You’re kind of an idiot,” Maggie finally muttered, glancing up at him to see a look of surprise on his face.
“I am,” he conceded. “But I am trying not to be. At least where you are concerned.” He took a deep breath. “I have been told I am too much of a soldier. Useless at the emotional side of things. What happened with you proved that.”
She nodded, taking a deep breath, then taking a sip of her coffee.
“I have some ideas… words will not do it here. And they should not. You deserve more.”
She watched him, and he smiled at her, then slapped a beefy hand on the table. “I know what to do. It will require me to leave you, at least for a short period. But I will return. Maybe you will want me as a friend, and nothing more. Or, maybe we will be so much more, the way we once were,” he said quietly. She watched him as he stood, looking up at him in confusion.
“I will be back by this time next cycle. When I return, I hope I can claim a little of your time.”
“You… um. You can,” she said, staring up at him.
