Page 62 of Aftermath
My mom continued to go on about the logistics for the clambake; where they’d stay, all of us going together. I lost track of the noise as they got closer. My anxiety started to sink in.
I couldn’t place it.
There was no occasion to celebrate. Perhaps being together for the first time in a while was a celebration, but I knew my brother well enough to know he wouldn’t buy a cake for just that.
He placed the cake on the table, and I caught sight of writing on the top.
I had to lean forward in my seat to read it fully, my heart stopping as I gazed over the words. Those four small words should mean the world, four words that would change everything for the better.
Why did I feel so much sadness creeping in?
Stone finished reading the message at the same time as I did.
“Congratulations,” he said with a sincere smile.
I tried to force the word out of my mouth, but it fell short.
My parents were still caught up in the details of their next visit and barely took notice of the cake. Calvin and Eloise stared nervously at them, waiting for them to see it. A few seconds passed before Calvin cleared his throat awkwardly.
My mother stopped mid-sentence and glanced to them. They still stood together at the head of the table, watching us all. Her eyes fell to the cake and lit up with delight as she finally saw the four words.
Baby Calder Coming Soon.
I read them again as she did and felt that sinking pit inside of me grow. I should be happy, over the moon for them, but instead, all I felt was emptiness, a growing darkness threatening to consume me.
Stone gave me a worried glance, but I ignored it.
I should’ve known he’d see even the slightest change. He missed nothing. It was so annoyingly charming and inconvenient at the same time.
“This is wonderful news,” my mother said, practically jumping from her seat.
“Congratulations,” my father chimed in and stood to shake my brother’s hand.
They’d be the perfect grandparents. I’d always known it. It pained my heart deeply that I could never be the one to give that to them, not after everything that happened.
I stood along with them and gave Eloise and Calvin quick hugs, feeling myself turn more and more numb to my surroundings. Sound was becoming a fuzzy haze, and my heartbeat started pounding louder in my ears.
Stone placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.“Are you okay?” he whispered, leaning in close enough for only us to hear.
“I just need to use the bathroom-” The words barely made it out before I started moving. “Excuse me,” I added politely before leaving the room.
My parents and brother barely noticed, all caught in conversation about the newest member of the family.
I could barely breathe, my chest feeling tighter. I needed air. Any air.
The view of the front door was obscured from the dining room, and I headed straight for it instead of down the hall to the bathroom. I slipped outside, barely making a sound with the door. The cool summer night breeze hit me, and I finally was able to gasp in a breath.
My hand grasped at my chest and found my necklace. The tiny chain and charm brought me some comfort as I felt my heart pounding. I hadn’t worn it in three years. It sat in my jewelry box, usually untouched, the memory too painful to tote around. But tonight had been different; I’d reached for it without hesitation.
My gut had known all along.
It shouldn’t have been like this.
Three years. I should be over it.
“Lenny,” Stone said, pulling me from my spiral in one jarring sweep.
The name stung my heart. I could hear the sincerity in his voice.
