Page 33 of Blood and Penance
Now I understand. He was protecting me the only way he knew how.
“I couldn’t let that happen, Phoenix. If something happened to your mother and sister, you would have blamed me. And I didn’t want to have this love we shared crushed by the weight of that. You would have hated me.”
“He forced you to walk away by threatening my mother and sister?” I repeat in disbelief even though I know I heard him correctly.
“Yes.” He pulls me into his embrace. “I never wanted to hurt you. Please believe me. But it was necessary to keep everyone safe.”
A burning, white-hot rage, hotter than any fire, courses through me. Because of Giovanni Puglisi’s overwhelming need to control his son, I lost the love of my life, and my son lost his father—so much time none of us can ever get back.
I wish he was dead.
“I should have known something was wrong,” I say, shaking my head in disappointment. I’m so disappointed in myself that Ididn’t fight harder for us. I just let him walk away without even fighting to stay together. “Deep in my heart I knew the words you were saying weren’t true, but I couldn’t look past the hurt I was feeling.”
“I would have never willingly walked away from you, Phoenix.” Tears filled his eyes. “And if I knew you were pregnant, everything would have changed. I would have figured something out, but at the time, I didn’t see any other option. I had to walk away, or it would have cost you everything. I couldn’t let that happen.”
My heart swells inside my chest. When my mother was alive, she loved Gianni. She always thought of him as the son she never had and when he walked out of my life he also walked out of hers. She had been just as heartbroken and missed him so much. Even as cancer ate away at her, she always wondered how he was doing. If he was taking care of himself. She always believed his father had something to do with our breakup, but I had so much anger and hurt, it was hard for me to see past those feeling to see the truth in her words. Now, I wished I would have listened.
“When he threatened your life, your mother’s, and sister’s, I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t let that happen. So, I made the decision that ripped my heart out of my chest. Never doubt my love for you, Phoenix. Even as a priest, my love still burns for you.”
I cup his face in my hand, his skin warm against my palm, and gaze into his dark eyes. “You kept me and my family safe.” A smile touched my lips even though my heart aches for what we once had and were forced to give up. “You’ve always put me first,even when I didn’t know it. Even now you’re putting me and Giancarlo first.”
“This collar around my neck doesn't matter, you and my son are my family. I’ll do anything I have to do to keep you both safe.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Gianni
It felt amazing to get the truth out there. It was like years of pressure to keep this a secret, lifted from my shoulders. I never believed I would ever get the chance to tell Phoenix the truth of why I walked away, but it feels good to get it out there. I’d fought for us to be together for so long. Her or her family being in danger was the only reason I would ever give her up.
“I wish I would have fought for us,” she says with sadness in her eyes. “I gave up on you.”
I pull her into my arms, and an electric current sparks between us as my body reacts to her touch and smell. “I don’t blame you, Phoenix,” I say, as I push my desire down. Now isn’t the time to act on what I’m feeling. “You were hurt, and that was thepoint. We couldn’t have any more contact with each other, and I needed to hurt you to where you would hate me. And it worked.”
“I understand that, but you never gave up on me or our entire relationship, even when it would have been much easier for you if you had. And all it took for me to walk away and not fight for what we had was a lie.”
She shakes her head like she’s disappointed in herself. But I didn’t tell her the truth to get myself off the hook for the decision I made. It’s just time for us to move past that part of our lives. And we can’t do that if the whole truth isn’t out there.
“It’s time to look toward the future, Phoenix and let go of the past.”
“And what does the future hold for us, Gianni?”
A sad smile crosses her face. I can practically read her mind. Her unspoken question hangs heavily in the air between us.
How do we move forward when you’re a priest?
However, before I can answer, someone knocks on the door. Maybe the interruption is a good thing because I haven’t completely come to terms with my decision.
Phoenix stiffens beside. “Are you expecting anyone?”
I shake my head. “No.” I rise from the couch. “It could be anyone. Go to the bedroom and keep the door locked.”
With my father and Lio D’Amico lurking around we have to make sure no one knows she’s here. We also have to figure out how to get out of here without alerting any of them.
She nods, then hurries back to my room while I walk to the door. When I hear the bedroom door close and the lock click into place, I open the front door expecting to see one of the sisters.
“Father Giraldi?”
I haven’t talked to him since my mother’s funeral. And when I needed to talk, I always went to him. He never comes looking for me.
