Page 31 of Blood and Penance
He continues to lick, suck, and drink from me like he can’t get enough. When I can’t take it anymore, I push him away. He raises his head from between my legs, and the smile on his facestops my heart. “I love you,” I say because it’s all I can feel at this moment. “And I don’t want this to end, Gianni.”
I don’t expect him to say anything, but I just need him to hear it. What we share with one another is perfect, and I hope he can feel that despite his reservations.
When he lies beside me, he pulls me into his arms. “I don’t want this to end,” I say again.
He kisses me on the forehead. “We’ll figure it out. Let’s get some rest. We’ve got to come up with a plan to deal with all of this.”
“We’ll get through this,” I say as my eyes get heavy.
He pulls me closer, sighing. “I hope you’re right,” he whispers.
I can already hear the detachment in his voice. I think he may be regretting what we did, or maybe I’m just looking too much into it. We’ll see what tomorrow brings, but hopefully I get the Gianni who loves me, the one who doesn’t walk away from a challenge. Not the one who questions himself because he believes he’s sinned against God.
Chapter Nineteen
Gianni
About two hours ago when Phoenix’s breaths evened out, I slid out from around her body and made my way to my home office.
Reluctantly.
Just like old times, it’s hard to resist her. Her smell, her laugh, how perfectly she tastes. How her pussy fits like perfection around me. Even now I’m as hard as steel inside my cock cage, and I shouldn’t be having any of these kinds of thoughts.
I made a huge mistake giving into my sexual urges that in the end I’ll have to answer for. What we’ve done cannot be repeated no matter how much I want to slide back inside her warm, wet cunt.
God, please give me strength to be able to fight off the desire to have her again.
Trying to remove the images, of her screaming my name and the warmth of her body from my mind, I shake my head while shifting in my seat as the metal of the cage digs into my sensitive skin even deeper. After what I’ve done, I prefer self-flagellation, but I thought this would be the best way to deal with my indiscretion since I’m not alone.
While getting my affairs in order, I’ve spent my time reflecting on my actions and asking God to forgive me. Of course, I have much work to do before I can repair what I’ve broken when it comes to my vows, but right now I don’t have the time to focus on that. I’ve already put in a call to the diocese, but now I’m writing my formal letter requesting a leave of absence effective immediately. Of course, the diocese can accept it or deny it, but it doesn’t matter to me. Giancarlo and Phoenix—my family, will come first in whatever decision is make. I can no longer serve as the priest here and protect them.
A knock sounds at the door of the parish, and I blow out a breath of frustration. My duties don’t officially begin for another hour, and I hoped to have this time to do some self-reflection before starting my day while getting my affairs in order.
When I rise, I straighten my collar. Today, I just decided to forgo all the formality, and just wear my black shirt, black jeans, and Chelsea boots along with my collar to perform my daily duties. When I reach the door of the parish, I don’t even ask who it is, just pull it open.
My eyes widen.
“What are you doing here?”
He motions to Dario and Benicio, his two guards that he goes nowhere without, and they walk away.
“Did you expect me not to show up after I get a call from your brother saying I have a grandchild?” My father pushes past me and walks inside the rectory. “I know you nor that girl would bring him to me like I’ve ordered. I want to see my grandson now.”
I have no intention of him ever meeting my son, but I should have expected this visit. He doesn’t trust me, and he shouldn’t. But my goal is to protect my family from him and D’Amico.
I close the door. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Did you forget who the hell you’re talking to, boy?” He got in my face, but I gave him no reaction because that’s what he wants. “I’m your goddamn father and that boy is my grandson! You will not keep him from me!”
I’m under no illusion why my father is so determined to have another Puglisi in the fold. He only wants to have something to do with Giancarlo so he can not only control and manipulate him to do his will, but me as well. I don’t care what path my son decides to choose in his life as long as it has nothing to do with the Puglisi family.
I blow out a breath, as I try to remain as calm as possible. “Right now, myonlyconcern is my son and this new relationship we have to navigate. Not you.”
His face turns a dark crimson. “I can’t believe I’ve raised such an ungrateful bastard. Listen to me, Gianni. I promise that if you do not let me see my grandson, his lovely mother will pay the price.”
In an instant, my calm shatters. He’s the reason I lost Phoenix in the first damn place. And he’s the reason I don’t even know my son. He has some nerve coming into my home and threatening her again.
Without warning, I rush him, grab him by the throat, and squeeze. His eyes widened in shock as he grabs my wrist, trying to remove my hand from around his neck. “You’re the reason she’s not in my life now. And you have the damn nerve to threaten her now! If you come anywhere near Phoenix or my son, priest or not, I will end you.”
