Page 27 of Blood and Penance
He grunts one last time, his grip tightening around his length before he sags against the wall. He stays like that a minute mumbling under his breath, but the words are drowned out by the sounds of the water, then his once relaxed posture stiffens.
He looks down at his hands, then his body. He snatches the body wash and squirts some of the soap into his hands like he's pissed. While he washes away the cum from his dick and his hands, he shakes his head. He slams his palm against the wall, startling me. He looks in my direction and his eyes widen. He opens the door and steps out of the shower stall.
“Phoenix,” he says but I’m already racing back to his bedroom.
I close the door, then lock it. With my back against it, I let out a breath as reality comes crashing down. He saw me.
I rub my temples as embarrassment floods my veins. “Goddamn it, Phoenix,” I mumble to myself. “How in the hell are you going to explain this?”
Chapter Seventeen
Gianni
The guilt over my actions should have consumed me, yet Phoenix seeing me masturbate to the images and memories of her has filled me with nothing but a burning desire to sink my cock inside her.
The rough cotton of my shorts scrapes against my sensitive skin as I desperately pull them on, caught between the urgency to explain my actions and a rising tide of anxiety. Should I explain what she saw, or should I just let it go? It feels like if I don’t address it, we’ll walk on eggshells around each other. And I don’t want that to happen with Phoenix.
Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I let out a shaky breath, the air fogging the glass. “It’s Phoenix, Gianni,”I mumble to myself. “She’ll understand. And it’s not like she hasn’t seen you do it before. Just get it over with.”
Making the decision, I head to my bedroom where she’s staying the night, while we figure out how to deal with Lio.
When I reach the door, I don’t hesitate before knocking because if I do, I won’t deal with it, when this is the better solution.
As soon as the door opens, her eyes zero in on my bare chest before she looks into my eyes. Putting on a shirt had been the last thing on my mind but the way she’s looking at me, I should have.
She looks delicious in my clothes. I can see the dark color of her nipples through the white cotton fabric of my shirt. What I wouldn’t give to suck them into my mouth. It’s one of the things that got me so hard when we were together. She either slept in my clothes or naked. Those were my rules, and she had no problems following them.
This conversation is going to be harder than I thought.
“Can I come in so we can talk?” I ask. “I need to explain what you saw.”
“Sure, you can come in,” she says, opening the door wider so I can step inside my bedroom. “But, there’s no need to explain anything, Gianni…” she stammers then I realize the mistake I’ve made.
My scars.
When I face her, her brows are furrowed, and I know I’ll need to explain more than just jacking off in the shower.
“Let’s have a seat.”
I sit at the end of my bed, and she sits beside me. “What happened? Did Giovanni, do that to you?” she asks with anger lacing her voice.
While my father has done a ton of things to me, he did not cause the scars on my back. That was all me.
Planting my forearms on my thighs, I try to think of the best way to explain my scarred back, so she’ll understand and not judge me for how I’ve dealt with the constant desire I experience as a priest.
“It’s called self-flagellation.” I look at her so she can see the truth in my eyes. “It’s how I deal with things I need to repent for, like lustful desires.”
“So, you did that to yourself!” she shouts in disbelief. “Why the hell are you hurting yourself for something that’s natural, Gianni?”
“I don’t expect you to understand, Phoenix, but these are things that I’ve vowed to not do as a priest. I must repent for them.”
She scoffs. “So, you’re going to do this again because you jacked off in the shower a few minutes ago aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation because just as soon as this conversation is over, I will repent for my sinful desires and for touching myself.
I drop my head because I don’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes. While we haven’t been together for years, I do care about how she sees me, even if I shouldn’t.
“Look at me, Gianni,” she says with a tremble in her voice.
