Page 11 of Blood and Penance
She rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to lie to me, Phee. You went to see Gianni, and that’s fine. I’m not judging you.”
I can’t say I didn’t hope to see him because that would be a lie. Gianni wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend. I could tell him anything without judgment. So, when he broke things off between us, I lost the person I loved and the one person who understood me.
However, my intention had been to pay my respects to Anna. While I can’t say Gianni’s mother was one of my favorite people, she never disrespected me. She was never unkind and welcomed me into her home. But, in my opinion, she didn’t stand up forher son enough against her husband. When it came to Gianni and his brothers, Anna deferred all decisions to Giovanni.
“Did he see you?”
My sister has always been a hopeless romantic, especially when it came to me and Gianni. She loves Gianni like a brother, and he treated her like his little sister. She’s the one who told me over and over again not to be too hard on him for his decision because he had been forced to make it. I asked her how she knew, but all she would say was that she just knew it.
I’ve never believed it. The Gianni I knew would never let his father push him into a decision that had been so impactful to both of our lives unless that’s what he wanted. Then when I found out he’d become a priest, I knew his decision had been his own. If not, he’d be leading the Puglisi family.
“I’m not sure. I think he recognized me. I stood in the back hoping that no one would see me, but we locked eyes for a moment. I got the hell out of there before he approached me. There’s no way in hell I need his father knowing I’m back in town.”
My sister nods, but I know she wants to say more. And I’m pretty sure I know what she wants to say. I’m not sure I’m ready to make that step yet.
“I think it’s time, Phee.”
I let out a deep sigh because for the last five years she’s been saying the same thing any chance she can. It’s been time to let the truth be known, but my life is still a mess. While I believe Lio is dead, I have no way to confirm it.
“How’s Giancarlo?”
“He’s out like the dead.” She chuckles. “An earthquake couldn’t wake him up.”
I laugh as I imagine him sleeping. Arms spread wide, mouth hanging wide open. His father had been a wild sleeper too.
“Are you going to tell him?”
I let out a long, heavy sigh. “I don’t know, Sera.”
“He deserves to know.”
“I know he does, but I’m not sure it’s safe for me or Giancarlo. He’s five and so far, I haven’t been able to give him a stable life. This is my chance to do that, but I have to be careful.”
While Lio never mistreated my son, Giancarlo, I shielded him as much as I could from him. Giancarlo liked Lio well enough, but even at a young age, he never looked at Lio as a father, and Lio didn’t look at him as his son. When he was smaller, it was much easier, but the older he got, the more distant Lio became. And even as a small child he picked up on it.
When I decided to leave Lio, I made sure Sera took Giancarlo away first. I knew Lio wouldn't question why he wasn't around. And if anything happened to me, Sera would take care of him as her own. However, until I can find out what’s going on with Lio, I have to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
“Maybe Gianni can help.”
I look at her like she’s crazy. “How the hell is a priest supposed to help, Sera?”
“He wasn’t always a priest, Phee. You know that. I know he’ll do what he needs to do to protect his son.”
I’m not so sure he would, but I don’t tell her that. I lost all faith in Gianni Puglisi when he walked away. I don’t know if I can trust him anymore. And I don’t know if I can trust him to protect my son. I’m also afraid of Giancarlo's grandfather finding out that he exists. He’s just as dangerous, if not more dangerous than Lio.
“Lio is not the only one I have to worry about, Sera. You forget Giovanni is still alive and well. He’s a loose cannon, and I don’t know how he’ll react to the news Gianni has a son.”
“Well, you won’t be able to hide it for long. He knows you’re in town.”
“I know. I just need a little more time.”
“You may not have time, Phee. You need to act like Lio is alive until you know otherwise. In my opinion, while Gianni may not be the person you want to ask for help, he’s going to be the best chance for you and Giancarlo to survive all this. He’ll forgive you for not telling him. He’ll just want to keep you two safe.”
I didn’t know I was pregnant when he broke things off, but it’s something I’ve kept from him for over five years. I guess it’s time I came clean. To tell the truth, I couldn’t care less if he forgives me. All I want is to protect my son.
“You're right. He's the best chance we've got to make it out of this. I’ll go see him.”
Chapter Seven
