Page 28 of Saint
“We’ll be the ones to decide about that,” Reaper said, with his forearms planted on his thighs.
We were at King’s. He’d been spending more time at home with Alana than at the clubhouse. She was recovering but it was going slow. And my brother was losing his shit because he wanted her recovery to be quicker, especially with the baby. I couldn’t blame him. If Oya was in the same position, I don’t think I’d be thinking rationally either.
Kids hadn’t been something we’d talked about since we hadn’t been seeing each other that long, but I wouldn’t mind having at least one. Preferably a son because I do not think I could handle having a daughter, especially in this life. That was if Oya wanted to.
“If I don’t have your word, then I’ll take it to my grave.”
They looked at each other, and I could tell they didn’t want to agree to my terms, but they also wanted to know what the hell was going on. I waited patiently for them to make their decision. I wished they’d just let it go but I doubt they would.
“Talk,” King said.
“I didn’t do what they said I did.”
It was better to go ahead and rip the band-aid off.
Their brows dipped in confusion. “What the hell do you mean?” Reaper asked. “You didn’t fight it. You didn’t tell any of us youwere fucking innocent. Why in the hell would you go down for some shit you didn’t do?”
“Because Da convinced me I wouldn’t get convicted.” I leaned back into the couch. “He was the one that did it and convinced me to take the blame. He said I wouldn’t get convicted because I didn’t have a record, and I was young. And by the time I regretted listening to him, it was too late. I’d been convicted.”
They both stared at me with their eyes wide, like I lost my fucking mind. Looking back on it, I probably had. My entire life up until that point had been to help my father become a better man. Even going as far as heading to seminary school to do it because I thought if I became a priest, he’d take my intervention more seriously. Obviously, that was the dream of a kid. My dad didn’t want to be saved. He probably still doesn’t, and I’ve learned it wasn’t my place to help him. He needed to do that all on his own.
“Are you fucking serious?” Reaper asked, the anger in his voice was almost unbearable to hear.
All I could do was nod. I couldn’t tell if he was angry at me or our father. Maybe both of us.
I had no plans on ever telling my brothers the part my father played in my incarceration. While that time of my life had been bad, something useful had come out of it. I learned how to tattoo from one of the greatest to hold a gun. I was able to start my ownbusiness, and if I hadn’t been in prison, more than likely I’d be trapped being a priest because that wasn’t something I wanted to do for myself but for my Da.
“He’s fucking dead,” King said, jumping to his feet and pacing his living room. “I can’t believe he’d do some shit like this! To his own fucking kid!”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “No.”
That stopped him dead in his tracks. “What?” he asked. “What the fuck do you mean no, Saint! Seven fucking years! Seven fucking years he took of your life!”
“You act like I don’t know that!” I took in a breath and blew it out, hoping to calm down. I planted my forearms on my knees and looked both my brothers in the eyes. “I said no, King. I don’t want either of you to do anything.”
They looked at me like I had a third head. “Look. I’m not saying that I’ve forgiven him because I haven’t. I probably never will. But there’s no point in hashing this shit out. I’ve done the time and nothing’s going to change that. I keep my distance from him and that’s enough for me.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” King asked, plopping back down on the couch.
Genuine hurt blanketed his face. And the only answer I had was that I didn’t think they’d believe me. It sucked but I wasn’t close to him because he was so much older. I was closer to Reaper, but he had his own issues. And there was no fucking way, I’d tell Ma the truth. She believed the sun rose and set in our Da. She’d find a reason to believe him over me. I love my Ma, but she always chose him over us.
“To be honest, I didn’t think anyone would believe me.”
I held up my hand to stop their protest. I was young. I was going through shit at home with Da while they were out living their lives. I felt abandoned. And all I really had going in my life was my quest to save our Da.
“Young and dumb, bro. I wished I would have said something, but I live with the consequences of my actions every day. I will forever be an ex-con. But I moved forward in my life. I’ve made something of myself. I don’t want to look back. I want to look forward to my future. My future with a remarkable woman. Please just let it go.”
If my brothers looked at me like I was a different person that was good enough for me. And to be honest, a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt lighter. Freer. Maybe keeping this secret hadn’t been the best thing for me. Maybe it was my last ditch ever to save my father. But it wasn’t up to me to save him. I know that now. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. A long hard lesson to learn but at least I learned it.
King stood and walked towards me. When he stood in front of me his face was full of regret. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t do more for you. I should have done more.”
I stood and gave my brother a hug, then released him. “There wasn’t anything you could do, bro. I didn’t ask for help. You didn’t know I needed it.”
He nodded, stepped out of the way, and Reaper took his place. “We should have known your ass couldn’t do nothing like that.”
I chuckled as he hugged me tightly. When he pulled away, he didn’t need to apologize, it was written all over his face just like King’s. “We’re good,” I said, so he didn’t have to voice it. Something had changed with my brother when I got sent away. He wasn’t the same, but I guess I wasn’t either.
King’s cell phone rang. He answered and said a few words before he ended the call. He looked at me with a smile on his face. “Messina says it’s a go. Congressman Williams will no longer be a problem.”
