Page 41 of Loki
I chuckled at this ridiculous conversation. I just wanted to have a normal, friendly chat with my friend, not get into analyzing why I wouldn’t let anyone love me. Although I didn’t believe that was true. I just hadn’t met the right man yet. And I was focused on my career, not finding a man anyway.
“I won’t deny, I had a crush on him when we were in high school. He was my first kiss. But it was high school, Cadence. What the hell did I know about love? I moved on from those feelings all girls have for their childhood crushes.”
“Did you lose your virginity to him too?”
I laughed. “No, that honor went to Randal Hodges. Damn, I hadn’t thought about him in ages. Joshua beat that boy within an inch of his life, and he never spoke to me again. Anyway, being here brought back all those memories. But that’s all it is.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, and I could hear the skepticism in her voice. But I truly believed it was just remembering the past. Nothing more and nothing less.
“Yes, I’m sure. And he doesn’t even want me, anyway. He never has.”
“What makes you say that?” she asked.
“I haven’t seen or talked to him in three weeks, Cadence. When we were younger, he acted like I was his sister. I’m the one who initiated the kiss, and he stopped me before it could go any further. There was never anything there on his part, so I don’t believe there’s anything now.”
“If you say so, Nikki. But I’m telling you in my professional opinion, you have things to work out with that man before you can ever think to move on with anyone. You are ignoring yourtrue feelings for him. I don’t know if it’s because they developed when y’all were younger or what it is, but for you to still be affected by him now, it was much more than a crush.”
“And you think my feelings were deeper?”
“I don’t think it, I know they were. And maybe there weren’t any feelings on his part, but I’m talking about the need for you to deal with yours for him.”
I don’t think there are feelings that I need to deal with concerning Joshua.
Before I could respond, the door slammed closed. I looked over my shoulder, and I came face to face with the man I’d been wanting to see for the last three weeks but he definitely didn’t look happy to see me.
“Hang up the phone,” he said, his deep dark voice washed over my entire body.
“Is that him?” Cadence asked with excitement in her voice.
“Excuse me?” I asked him, ignoring Cadence and her excitement. “I’m on the phone right now.”
“I don’t give a fuck. Hang up the damn phone, Nikki.”
Joshua’s clenched fists trembled at his sides. Anger radiated from him. I didn’t know what reason he had to be pissed off with me. I hadn’t heard one word from his ass in three weeks. If anyone should be pissed off, it should be me.
“I’m going to let you go, Nikki,” Cadence said with humor in her voice. “Just keep in mind what I said. It’s time to face what you’ve buried.”
I rolled my eyes. She was always in therapist mode. She didn’t even give me time to respond before she ended the call. I knew after he interrupted us like he had, I probably wouldn’t hear the end of it from her, or my other friends. They’d want to talk about it later, which was a talk I was dreading already.
My attention shifted to the biker, who was visibly angry. Hopefully he didn’t hear anything Cadence, and I was talkingabout because having to confront my non-existent feelings for him wasn’t a conversation I was ready to have with him. I didn’t want to try to unpack feelings Cadence believed I had for this man.
Exhaling slowly, I steeled myself to confront my past.
“Where have you been?” I asked. And when he began to respond, I threw my hand up stopping him. “And don’t give me some bullshit about club business, either. Where have you been?”
“Chasing leads.”
“What kind of leads?”
“That’s all I’m going to say about it because itisclub business. What’s this shit you were saying about my feelings for you?”
I stood up and placed my hands on my hips, glaring at him. That was something that was said between me and my friend. I wasn’t discussing that with him.
“Where you listening to my conversation?”
“If you don’t want anyone hearing the shit you have to say, Nikki, keep that shit off speaker phone, and the damn door closed.”
“What the fuck is your problem, Joshua? First, you distance yourself from me like I got the goddamn plague. Then you leave, and I don’t hear from you for weeks. Not a hey. Not a fuck you. Nothing! And now you stomp in here like you’re pissed off at me about theprivateconversation I was having with my friend.”
