Page 40 of Loki
I’d been warned by New York about the shit that happened at the clubhouse and reassured on multiple occasions that none of the men forced any of these women to be here. They fucked them because they wanted to and had no problem having sex whenever or wherever. Definitely something I wasn’t used to but if it was all consensual, who was I to judge. At least they had a choice. I’d seen what happened when women didn’t.
After Joshua found out exactly what happened to me it was like he was on a mission to find Decker. That being his focus he had completely closed down or maybe a better description would be that he had pulled away from me. Either way what I thought would be a time for us to reconnect and get to know one another as adults wasn’t happening, which pissed me off.
I could admit those old feelings started to stir within me again. Maybe he sensed it and that was why he distanced himself from me. I had no fucking clue because he wasn’t around for me to ask him what the hell was going on with him.
I tried not to take it personally, but I couldn’t help it. It felt like he was avoiding me. We weren’t kids anymore. If he didn’t want me around all he had to do was say it and my ass would be on a plane out of here.
Before he disappeared, he made sure to keep our conversations short and to the point. He only asked how I was doing, or if I remembered anything else from my time in captivity. He was being a real asshole, and I was at the end of my rope.
“What’s wrong?” Cadence asked immediately when she answered the phone.
I hit the speaker button and placed the phone on the desk in front of me.
“Why do you think something’s wrong? Maybe I just wanted to check in with my friend.”
Even though I was angry with Joshua for ghosting me, I really didn’t want to dwell on it. Cadence had the remarkable ability to get me to focus on other things instead of what was rattling around in my brain. She had talked me off the ledge many times over the years.
“Dominque Honoré, you are not fooling anybody. Who is that man to you? And what has he done to make you sad?”
Well maybe she isn’t going to take my mind off it this time.
I rolled my eyes and blew out a breath. “First of all, I don’t know who you’re talking about and second of all, I’m not sad. After what I’ve been through, I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking.”
I put as much conviction in my voice as I could but Cadence’s silence over the line only showed me it didn’t work. She was trying to figure out what was going on without asking me again. You give her an inch and she’d take a mile and figure shit out you just wanted to keep to yourself.
“Bitch, you do know I’m a therapist, right?”
“You’re a sex therapist.”
“Yes, I am but a therapist all the same and I see this all the time.”
I groaned. I hated when she analyzed why I hadn’t committed to someone. We had this conversation at least once a month when she or the other girls were trying to set me up with someone.
“Oh my god!” she whispered yelled like someone would hear her. “You’ve got to be shitting me! He’s the guy!”
The sheer excitement in her voice made me pinch the bridge of my nose. She smelled blood in the water, and I knew there was no way in hell she was going to let this conversation drop.
“What guy, Cadence?” I asked, annoyed by this conversation already. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She huffed. “You know… the guy that has ruined you for all other men? We all have them. Brian is mine, and this guy is yours.”
She giggled like a schoolgirl, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Brian owned his own sex club, and Cadence said they got a little wild. I was sure he had really ruined her for any other man. Not only in the bedroom, but he treated her like a queen. He was in love with her to the point of obsession really, and I could say the same about her. Brian Hamm was it for her.
How could Loki be that guy for me when the only thing we shared was a kiss in high school? Of course I had a major crush on him back then, but I knew nothing could ever happen between us, so I moved on with my life and I was pretty sure he had moved on with his. Even according to Lila, her sister Monica, was someone he fucked, and most definitely not the only one.
From a young age, Joshua Ledet had always been gorgeous, turning heads wherever he went. Even during his high school years, he had a presence about him that left the girls mesmerized, including me. And he got even hotter when he joined the military. When he and my brother came home on leave, it was one of the highlights of my life because the man knew how to wear a uniform. But now Joshua was a sight to behold, in only jeans, a t-shirt, leather vest, and motorcycle boots. Who would have thought someone could get any finer with age, but it definitely happened with him.
“You know I fucked other guys, Cadence.”
She let out a deep sigh. “I’m not just talking about sex, Nikki. Anyone can fuck and it be just that. I’m talking about opening your heart to someone. And as long as I’ve known you, you have refused to do that with any man. And you want to know why?”
“No, not really,” I mumbled. “But I’m sure you’re going to tell me, anyway.”
“You’re damn right I’m going to tell you,” she said without missing a beat. “It’s because of him.”
“So, you think it’s because of Joshua I haven’t had a serious relationship that goes beyond sex?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
