Page 124 of New Beginnings
“Are you alright?”
“I’m good, just a little sore. But I’m alright. Are you sure about this?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
He gently laced our fingers together, and together we ventured towards their resting place. We carefully maneuvered through a maze of pristine headstones, some weathered and ancient, while statues of religious figures watched over certain graves.
I couldn’t imagine how many times J.D. had made this trek, but this had to be one of the hardest things for him to do. And Siobhan to know that her mother and brother were here had to be heartbreaking for her too. It was unimaginable to think about the profound sadness they experienced, realizing that all they had left was a headstone to talk to or look at.
I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude as he shared this important part of his life with me. Even though this was a significant milestone in our relationship, the sight of cemeteries filled me with dread. I hated them. The atmosphere was heavy and suffocating. Even though Death would come for us all sooner or later, at a moment’s notice, cemeteries just made it more real. Once I had the ability to choose, I never went to another funeral again. Death was something I simply couldn’t handle.
In front of us was a stunning headstone, adorned with intricate carvings, and a cozy bench positioned perfectly to accommodate two people.
“Please sit.”
He let go of my hand, and as I sat on the bench, he meticulously cleaned around the grave, plucking out weeds and clearing away fallen leaves, twigs, and acorns. With amazement,I observed the care he put into making their final resting place look presentable. And it made me love him even more.
After he was finished, he plopped down next to me. We sat in complete silence, captivated by the sound of the wind rustling through the trees and mesmerized by the pinwheel spinning vigorously in response to each gust.
“Siobhan added the pinwheel,” he said, with a smile, placing a hand on my thigh. “She thought her brother might want it to play with since she couldn’t play with him.”
“That’s so sweet,” I said. “Does she understand now?”
“Not really. Well at least I don’t think she does. It’s a hard subject for me to bring up with her but she talks to them when she’s here and when she’s at home like they’re not gone.”
“That’s good. She’ll keep them in her memory,” I said. “Has she been to a therapist?”
“Nah, but Kira, my brother-in-law’s wife has mentioned that it might be time for her to see one, since she’s a little older now. And just in case she starts to understand and can’t cope. So, I’ve been looking for someone.”
“Have you seen one?”
With a chuckle, he shook his head in amusement. “Do I look like the type of motherfucker who would go lay on the couch and talk about my feelings and shit?”
I bumped him with my arm and smiled at him. “It can be good for you. Trust me, with a family like mine, therapy saved my life and theirs.”
He laughed. “I’ll think about it.”
I didn’t know if he would, but it would help him cope with not only the tragedy of losing his family but also the challenges of his daily life.
“Hey, my girl.”
I knew immediately he wasn’t talking to me.
“I’m not going to stay too long, and I know I’ve got to do better about coming to see you, but I’ve been working hard trying to find the people who did this.”
I reached out and clasped his hand, feeling the warmth and strength of his grip.
“You remember I told you I met someone?” He looked at me, then brought my hand to his mouth, kissing my knuckles. “Here she is. This is Rebel, and she’s been helping me find the people who did this to you and Luca. She’s perfect and Siobhan loves her. I believe if this was another lifetime, you’d love her too. I read your journals and I want you to know, Rebel is the person I want to move on with. I love her. And I hope you’re excited for me as much as I am.”
With trembling hands, I wiped away the tears from my eyes, the wetness staining my cheeks. This was a beautiful moment. It also felt like I was being intrusive but if he wanted me here, there was no other place I’d want to be.
“I wish I knew her in person.”
He pulled me into his arms, and I snuggled against his body. We sat in silence, just taking in the moment. It was heavy for me because I understood what he had just done. He loved Dani but there was no question he loved me too. He was stepping into a new chapter of his life and finally closing the door on the past. I was actually glad I was here to witness it.
“Are you ready?” he asked, standing.
I nodded, standing from the bench, then he walked up and placed his hand on the headstone. He whispered something I couldn’t hear and after he was done, he reached out his hand to me, and I grasped it.
